10 Creative Responses To All Those Annoying "No Baby Yet?" Texts When You're Past Your Due Date

Ad failed to load

Getting to the end of any pregnancy generally feels like the last few blocks of a marathon: The end is in sight, but it feels even farther away than when you first began the journey. Time stretches out in a strange way, and everyone becomes obsessed with that baby coming out (including you; especially you). That's why going past your due date is pretty much the worst form of torture ever. (Shhh, allow me to melodramatic for just a moment. I went past my due date. I deserve it.)

When I first found out I was pregnant, I did some mental math and figured out when I thought I would be due. Then I went to get my first ultrasound, and they told me it was nearly a week earlier that my calculations had told me. Even though I knew the timing of conception couldn't really have worked that way, I believed them. So when my "official" due date passed and people began asking if I'd had the baby yet, I started to lose it a bit. By the time I went into labor, six days after my due date (and just one day after the date I had calculated), I was answering in all kinds of creative ways.

I'll tell you right now: Answering this question in the same boring way every time is not nearly as therapeutic as the suggestions I've made below. Because, let's be honest, determining due dates isn't an exact science, despite the weight that everyone puts on them. Best to approach your due date with a sense of humor and some patience (and since patience will clearly fail you sooner rather than later when you're a million months pregnant, it's best to rely primarily on the humor).

Ad failed to load

"Yes, I Did! And I Told Everyone Except You."


This is for the sarcastic b*tch inside of you who needs to come out after the 17th person has asked you the exact same question. For the record, I used this response on one of my best friends. He wasn't amused, but I was.

"Nope! But I Did Give Birth To A Cute Bunny."


Ugh, I'm sorry guys. I have trouble reining in my sarcasm.

*Gif From 'Alien'*


Yes, you deserved that, person who texted me.

Ad failed to load

"Wait, You Thought I Was PREGNANT?? I'm Not Pregnant! RUDE."


Nothing like a little indignation to freak your friends out and make them question their own sanity.

"Hey, I'm Only Six Months Pregnant! Oh My God, Do You Think I'm Gaining Too Much Weight?!"


Again, playing the indignation card is so much fun.

"Sorry, New Phone, Who Is This"


And you are.....?

Ad failed to load

"Yes, And You're The Father."



*Photo Of Triplets* "Surprise!"


Yet another way to make your friends question their sanity. Sometimes, it's the little things. Especially when you're at the end of your pregnancy.

"Yes, But He Wasn't Ready So We Put Him Back In."


Maybe they won't know what to say to this. Maybe they'll just stopped saying anything at all. Mission: Accomplished.

Ad failed to load

"Oh Yeah, My Doctor Actually Just Told Me That I'm Going To Be Pregnant For Like 5 More Months."


Yeah, it's this weird freak thing. I'm going be in medical journals and everything. No. Really. (Spoiler: At least one of your non-baby-having friends will buy this.)

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

Umm, Toys "R" Us Has A BOGO 50 Percent Off Deal So You Better Stock Up

After the holidays, you were probably hoping that your kid's massive toy collection would keep him entertained for a little while, at least. But that was wishful thinking, wasn't it? Because now that a couple of months have passed, all those must-hav…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

This Woman Thought She Had An Eyelash Stuck In Her Eye. Then It Moved.

I'm not a person who is easily icked out. As a kid, I collected bugs and thought I was going to be an entomologist and asked Santa Claus for ant farms and nets to catch bees. I'm still super curious about anything that flies and crawls, which might s…
By Karen Fratti

A Hot Mess Mom's Guide To Surviving Winter

As I sit here at my home office in Connecticut, it's cold. Damn cold. Winter is a rough season in New England and it's even worse when you're a parent and have to manage cooped up, restless children. It's even worse when you're a hot mess as it is, u…
By Jamie Kenney

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

11 Ways Your Pregnancy Will Be Different If You Have A Boy Vs A Girl

If you've been pregnant before, you might start comparing your previous pregnancies to that of your current pregnancy. A lot of things can change from pregnancy to pregnancy, based on a whole host of different factors (including how well you remember…
By Lauren Schumacker

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

8 Reasons I Let My Toddler Play Outside Unsupervised

I'm not a helicopter mom, but I'm not exactly a free-range parent either. I like to think of myself as safely ensconced somewhere in the middle. I insist on certain safety measures, like car seats and helmets. I prefer to keep my 2-year-old in my sig…
By Kimmie Fink

12 Moms Share How They Stay Healthy During Flu Season

Unfortunately, we're in the middle of the roughest flu seasons in recent memory. And we’re not totally out of the woods, either. People around the country are still getting the flu, and, sadly, some of them are having to be hospitalized due to flu-re…
By Priscilla Blossom

8 "Mistakes" I'm Glad I Made During My First Pregnancy

As an adult, I've learned you never really stop hating being told what to do. When I was pregnant I was getting instructions at every turn, from doctors, relatives, and complete strangers on the subway. I would nod and smile but then go about making …
By Liza Wyles

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack