My partner's humor is one of the first thing's that attracted me to him over 13 years ago. But over the years, and specifically since becoming a father to our two children, his sense of humor has shifted. He used to make me belly laugh for hours on end over a hilarious thing that happened to him, but now his "jokes" are, um, a tad more predictable. There's a standard list of dad jokes that prove your partner is basic AF, and I'm pretty damn sure my partner has told them all since he became a father.
When I met my partner, I couldn't have imagined he'd be one of those dads. You know, the ones that pretend to "pull off" your nose when you're young, then "return" it so you don't freak out. I mean, my dad wasn't one of those dads. But something happened to my partner over the years, and after our kids came along. Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation, or the responsibilities of parenthood, but he stopped trying to hold himself to the standard of his pre-parenthood jokes. I could almost see them disintegrating as the tired, basic humor of the quintessential dad joke slowly emerged until, eventually, dad humor took over completely.
Every now and then, he'll tell a really funny story, but for the most part our kids have come to know their dad as the parent with the dad jokes. Here's a list of dad go-to's that prove my partner, and perhaps yours, is basic AF:
"Your Nose Is Running, Better Catch It"
Oh, boy. Yes, my partner's said this and, admittedly, I have, too. Do our kids ever laugh? No. Does that stop us from saying such basic, humorless things? No. With that said, it's like an illness. We can't not make this joke when the kids are sick. Sorry, but it comes with the parenting manual at birth.
"Is It Hot In Here, Or Is It Me?"
Even if it's hot temperature-wise in our home, I can always count on my partner to lighten things up with this classic. The kids won't laugh, and I'll probably roll my eyes, but that won't stop him. Nothing does.
"Hi Cold, I'm Dad"
Our oldest complains about everything. It's too hot, too cold, the food isn't salty enough, and the brownies aren't sweet enough. School is too long, bedtime is too early: you name it, she'll complain about it. So, obviously, that's when her dad swoops in. This morning, for example, went like this:
Daughter: "I'm tired."
Dad: "Hi, Tired. I'm Dad."
Daughter: "That's not funny, Dad."
Dad: "Sorry, Tired. I'll work on my jokes for later."
And yes, it gets old.
"Do You Know How Many People Are Dead At The Cemetery?"
OMG. My partner asked this head-scratcher about five billion times. He'd heard it from his grandmother and still uses it to this day. The answer, for the record, is all of them.
"If You Stare Long Enough, Your Eyes Will Stay That Way"
Will they, though? Because this is one joke my dad did say, and my eyes are just fine. To be clear, saying this and chuckling to yourself doesn't mean anyone else is laughing with you.
*Fart Noise When Someone Bends Over*
My partner and my two kids now make these noises whenever I walk by, when a stranger walks by, when anyone sits down, and when anyone bends over. Thanks, dear.
Any Reference To Uranus
I laughed at Uranus jokes when I was, like, 5, and maybe once this year, too. But there's only so many times one can genuinely snicker at the reference or any memes suggesting as much. Then again, maybe it's just me.
Jokes About Someone Walking Into A Bar
If you're partner tells any kind of "walks into a bar" joke, they're basic. Enough of the bar jokes, people. Enough.
"Blood Type? Red"
You know, it's really funny when a medical questionnaire asks your child's blood type and your partner writes "red." Good thing they'll never need to know this vital information, right?
"What Did The Buffalo Say To His Son When He Dropped Him Off At School? Bison."
Our 6-year-old son doesn't get the reference. He didn't get it the last time my partner said this joke, and likely won't the next time, either. For the sake of my partner's self-esteem, though, we'll keep pretend laughing as long as we can stand it. After all, that's part of parenthood.
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