10 "Inappropriate" Questions Every Pregnant Woman Wishes She Could Ask Her Midwife

Ad failed to load

Pregnancy changes everything your body, your life, and your future. When you're experiencing pregnancy for the first time, you're bound to have a ton of questions; some of which seem totally inappropriate. However, I think the "inappropriate" questions pregnant women wish they could ask their midwife are (usually) super important. (And if they're not, the conversation is sure to be, at the very least, entertaining.)

Now that I'm pregnant for the third time, I seem to have no shame or filter when it comes to asking inappropriate questions. However, I can assure you that wasn't always the case. When I was pregnant for the first time there were a seemingly unending list of questions I didn't ask my midwives, mostly because I thought they were awkward and I was embarrassed or, honestly, I just didn't know to even begin to go about asking.

Weird symptoms can be harmless and normal, or they can be cause for serious concern. Every pregnant person deserves to feel supported by their health care provider, and to receive evidence-based medical care with unbiased answers to their questions. Even if those answers are, "I'm not sure, but I will find out as soon as humanly possible." There's a ridiculous a mount of seemingly inappropriate questions I wish I had asked my midwife the first and second time around. It may have made all the difference.

Ad failed to load

"Are You Pro-Choice?"


I totally didn't think to ask this, and I wish I had. I moved from a blue state to a red state between having my first two kids. My first certified nurse midwife (CNM) was a badass feminist who actually lobbied congress to allow CNMs to be able to perform abortions. I had no idea that my next midwife would not only be anti-choice, but would not support patients if they needed to terminate a pregnancy due to an incompatible-with-life fetal diagnosis.

I didn't find out until she asked me to schedule my anatomy ultrasound for 22 weeks, so it was "after the cut off for abortion" in my state. She also didn't offer first trimester screening (even though it's recommended that all pregnant women be offered screenings for chromosomal disorders) and wanted me to sign a statement saying that I wouldn't terminate my pregnancy prior to giving me an ultrasound. WTAF?

Bottom line: Providers need to support patients in pursuing evidence-based medical care. Make sure your midwife is on board.

"Are You A Mom? Have You Done This Before?"

I know that seems like a weird and personal question, but I prefer obstetrics providers who have been there and done that.

"Is This Normal?"


Pregnancy is full of weird symptoms, aches, pains, and fluids. Some are completely harmless or just annoying, but others are definitely important enough to ask your provider about. Trust me when I say your midwife has likely heard it all before, so you're not breaking any new ground here. On the off-chance they haven't, they can call a specialist for more answers.

Ad failed to load

"What’s Going On With My Vagina?"

Seriously. What's going on down there? Between discharge, pain, sexual changes, and even the occasional funky smell, burning or itching; some vaginal symptoms during pregnancy are completely normal and others require a prescription. So, you know, just ask. Your midwife has seen a ton of vaginas, so there's no reason to be shy.

"What Are My Options For Pain Management During Labor?"


It's a common misconception that midwives want their patients to do child birth sans medication. However, if you are interested in an epidural or narcotics, you should probably ask about your options before you go into labor. The last thing you want is a dirty look or offhand comment from a provider you trust to make you feel shame during child birth, or worse, for there to not be an anesthesiologist at the hospital when you ask for an epidural.

"Is There Anything I Can Take For Nausea?"

Pregnancy can cause nausea for a lot of women. Morning sickness sucks and hyperemesis gravidarum, or extreme nausea and vomiting in pregnancy, can be serious. Because our culture and the media have successfully downplayed pregnancy nausea as no worse than a "bad hangover," many women feel bad or "weak" even mentioning it. Don't. Get help. With luck it will resolve on it's own, but you may need fluids or meds to see you through.

Ad failed to load

"Will You Judge Me During Labor?"


I was so concerned that my midwives would judge me during labor, whether it was judging me for not following my birth plan, asking for meds, or pooping on the table. I wanted to show them the most badass birth they'd ever seen.

The truth is, all births are badass. All pregnant people deserve a provider who will support their choices. When in doubt, ask.

"Help! What Can I Do To Poop?"

I wish I could have a normal poop. Between pregnancy hormones, a limited diet, and anti-nausea drugs, I seriously haven't had a normal poop in months. I am willing to try anything, but that requires asking for advice. Why is asking about poop so hard? (Pun intended.)

"What Are My Options For Birth Control After Delivery?"


Whether you are interested in a tubal ligation at the hospital after delivery or a prescription for birth control at your postpartum appointment, the time to discuss this is now. Not all midwives are able to or willing to prescribe birth control and not all hospitals are willing to perform tubal ligations. I found this out the hard way, when I had to call around town to find a birth control provider after I was told at my postpartum appointment that they couldn't help me. This was seriously no fun (especially with a newborn).

Ad failed to load

"Do I Have To Try Breastfeeding? Will You Help Me If I Want To?"

You don't have to breastfeed. In fact, you don't have to even try breastfeeding if you don't want to. Formula is awesome and #fedisbest. So, whatever your decide, make sure your provider knows your plans for feeding your baby before you deliver.

If you plan to breastfeed, ask them what kind of training and experience they have supporting breastfeeding moms and troubleshooting issues. Ask them who can help you breastfeed at the hospital and after you go home.

Also, be sure to ask what happens if things don't go as planned. How do you know if you need to supplement with formula, and will the hospital provide this or do you need to bring your own? Trust me, you don't want to have to take a cranky, days-old newborn to the store for formula, because you were afraid to ask your midwife.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

New Moms Have Two Options: Be "Sad & Fat" Or "Desperate & Thin"

As the line goes, the worst thing you could say about me, I've already thought about myself. In the early postpartum period with my son, it was: "I am overweight, lonely, and heartbroken." It was four days after I brought my son into the world, and I…
By Danielle Campoamor

6 Fascinating Facts About Spring Babies: You Could Have A Leader On Your Hands

Does the season in which you are born affect you or are all seasons pretty equal? It turns out that there are many ways in which the your child's birth season could give you an insight into things to come. Whether you are expecting a baby in the next…
By Shari Maurer

Kids Will Love These TV Shows & Movies Coming To Netflix In April

It's that time of the month again: as March draws to a close, Netflix gets ready for a little bit of spring cleaning. Though some TV shows and movies will have to find homes elsewhere, their departure makes room for all kinds of exciting new media. A…
By Megan Walsh

I'm A Stay-At-Home Mom &, Face It, These 11 Stereotypes Are Totally True

Hello, friends! It's me, your resident stay-at-home mom. You know, there's a lot that's said about me and my kind, and the vast majority of it is not even remotely true. For example, this whole "we're lazy, vapid, unambitious, anti-feminist, backstab…
By Jamie Kenney

The Pressure To Worry About The Gap Between Kids Is So Bad For Moms

"Two under two is absolutely crazy," a friend recently told me upon hearing the news that I was expecting a second child. "Why would you do this to yourself? Seriously, why?" However harsh her words, she was only echoing the same feelings I'd been ba…
By Marie Southard Ospina

To Be Honest, I Couldn't Survive Motherhood Without My Job

The decision to work outside the home once you've become a parent can be a complicated one. Some people don't really have a choice, and go back to work because they're either a single parent or can't sustain their family on one income. Some choose to…
By Priscilla Blossom

I Feel Guilty That My Kid’s Dad Is A Better Parent Than Me, & That’s BS

I was scared, and he was sure. I was clueless, and he was well-researched. I was making mistakes, and he was picking up the pieces. From the moment I found out I was pregnant until just last night, when I threw my hands up in the air and left the alw…
By Danielle Campoamor

These Millennial Parents Are Taking Gender-Neutral Parenting To An Entirely New Level

A woman on the subway looks at my bulbous shape and asks, “What are you having?” I take a deep breath and throw a glance to my 5-year-old. “I’m having a baby,” I say to the woman. “No, no” the woman says laughing as she pushes further. “Are you havin…
By Madison Young

My Daughter Is Obsessed With Being "Pretty" & I'm Way Past Terrified

Last week, when I picked up my daughter after school, she immediately wanted to know if I liked her hair. "Is it pretty?" she asked. Her hair was pulled up into two ponytails that were intertwined into thick, long braids. A shimmering pink and purple…
By Dina Leygerman

7 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 20s, But I Will

I was 24 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. The pregnancy was a surprise, since I was on birth control (side note: antibiotics and birth control don't mix), but my partner and I decided to continue with the pregnancy and committed to m…
By Candace Ganger

7 Things I Wish My Partner Had Said To Me In The First Hour After Giving Birth

I don't know if it was the buzz of the surrounding machines, the non-existent cry of our son as the doctors tried to resuscitate him, or the fact that I'd already been through labor and delivery once before, but I knew something was missing after I h…
By Candace Ganger

Moms’ Groups Weren’t For Me, Sorry

I go to my moms’ club everyday of the week, but not usually on weekends. My moms' group is a place I can always count on finding fellow mothers who understand the daily struggles and triumphs of parenthood and of juggling life’s responsibilities. Dep…
By Samantha Taylor

Millennial Women Are Getting Married Later Than Gen X, & The Reasons Why Are Pretty Badass

The battle of the generations seems to come up when it comes to every lifestyle or career choice people make. Women, especially, are an important demographic when it comes to analysts looking at the lifestyle choices we make or the expected milestone…
By Josie Rhodes Cook

I've Had 3 Miscarriages But *Please* Keep Telling Me About Your Pregnancy

I can feel the tension the moment my friend announces her pregnancy. I can hear the forced nonchalant attitude she's willing herself to exude as she fishes for the ultrasound. I know why I was the last to learn that she was expecting; why she keeps l…
By Danielle Campoamor

7 Early Signs You're Going To Need An Epidural, According To Experts

Even if you've constructed an elaborate birth plan, it's impossible to control every aspect of labor and delivery. Complications can occur, proactive measures might be necessary, and your mind is subject to change when those damn contractions really …
By Candace Ganger

I'm Pregnant & I Refuse To Read Any Parenting Books

I didn't read any parenting books when I was expecting my daughter, and I refuse to read any parenting books as I await my second child now. I'm the first to admit that I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to raising my daughter. A good d…
By Marie Southard Ospina

12 Overnight Face Masks To Use To Wake Up Feeling Pampered AF

Spring is right around the corner, and as far as I'm concerned, the sunshine and warm breezes can't come soon enough. But now that we're about to say goodbye to winter, it's a good time to take stock of your facial skincare routine. You know, in the …
By Katie Malczyk

11 Essential Products To Pack In Your Hospital Bag, According To OB-GYNs

The minute you go into labor (or think you're going into labor), chaos ensues. You and your partner are likely to get a little frantic, just like in the movies, so you most definitely want to have a hospital bag packed before the day comes. This prec…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

7 Photos You *Must* Take In The First 6 Months Of Motherhood

In my experience, becoming a mom is like becoming an amateur photographer. There's just something about the need to capture every single coo and sorta-smile that leaves you obsessed with all things photography. I know I couldn't stop taking selfies w…
By Candace Ganger

Here's How Early An Ultrasound Can Actually Determine Your Baby's Sex

From the moment you see those two lines on a pregnancy test, there are a few markers along the way that stand out as especially exciting. Amongst them are hearing your baby's heartbeat and feeling that first, sweet little kick. And if you are finding…
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik