Fotolia

10 Labor And Delivery Moments That Prove You'll Be An OG Mom

By
Share
Ad failed to load

Labor and delivery is not for the faint of heart. It's messy, painful, exhausting, and utterly magical. There's a lot to get worked up over, but there's a certain group of soon-to-be moms who absolutely own childbirth; kicking ass and taking baby names like bosses. I'm talking about the original gangsters. There are some specific labor and delivery moments that will confirm your OG mom status, so if you're looking to join the ranks, know that there are a few things you can do during birth to solidify your status.

I think the fact that I gave birth in my thirties had a profound impact on my pregnancy, but especially on how I handled labor and delivery. I did my research and asked a good number of my contemporaries to share their hard-earned wisdom with me. I managed my expectations and knew that the most important thing about giving birth was the healthy baby that showed up towards the end. How the end result was achieved paled in comparison to the end result, his or herself.

Although it was my first kid, feeling like I was part of the old guard by virtue of my generation helped me remain remarkably calm and prepared. As an OG mama, I also don't give a rat's ass about what other people think, which is essential when making the decisions that shape your birth story (because there's a lot of judgment going on). OG moms know there's no "right" or "wrong" way to handle labor and delivery; just what's right for you.

Ad failed to load

You Handle Contractions Like A Boss

giphy

When I went into labor, I'd already experienced half a lifetime of debilitating cramps. My period is often accompanied by such intense pain that it feels like someone is wringing my uterus out with a towel. Sound unpleasant? It is. Sometimes it's so bad I actually pass out (like on the bathroom floor of a Burger King, in Honduras).

The good thing about those horrific cramps, it turns out, was that early contractions really didn't phase me. They were like progressively worse cramps, and I took them on like a damn professional. OG moms have been through worse, and they're not about to let contractions get the best of them.

You Labor At Home

OG mamas in labor are not about to head to the hospital only to be told they're not sufficiently dilated enough to be admitted. They'd rather handle their business at home until they're sure.

When my water broke at 4 a.m., my midwife said she wanted to see me in 12 hours. I pushed it right to the limit, waiting for my sister to arrive from a work conference so she could accompany my husband and me to the hospital.

Like other OG moms, I wasn't that worried about getting to the hospital on time. A badass friend of mine waited so long that she had her second daughter in the garage. However, you don't have to have a home or hospital birth to be an OG mama. Honestly, it just means you take things as they come.

You Netflix During Labor

giphy

OG moms are pretty relaxed. They know they've got some time to kill, so why not catch up on a favorite series. Nothing says "I'm ready to have my baby" like binge-watching Orange is the New Black. I have absolutely no shame in admitting that I watched several hours of Castle before heading to the hospital. I find Nathan Fillion irreverent and delightful, and I won't apologize because I'm a freaking gangster (if gangsters watched procedural crime drama/comedies, of course).

I come by this behavior naturally. My mom was in labor with my older sister for 64 hours before eventually having a c-section. Thank goodness they don't let you go that long anymore, but it was the '80s (clearly my mom is the original OG). She went and saw The Empire Strikes Back while in labor in the theater because she's a stud like that.

Ad failed to load

Your Hospital Bag Is A Minimalist's Wonderland

If you have a tiny hospital bag, you might just be an OG mom. You have what you need; no more, no less. I think I had a phone charger, an outfit for the baby, and my toothbrush. I didn't even pack clothes for myself. I purposely wore a maternity tank and yoga pants to the hospital so I could wear the exact same thing on the way out.

I knew from my expert mom-friends that the hospital would hook me up with everything I needed (and some things I didn't even know I'd want). I'm talking about the magic that is the Kotex Icee. Ask for it by name. I walked out of the hospital with a garbage bag full of witch hazel pads and sumo diaper sanitary napkins to last me until the end of time.

Your Birth Plan Is Simple, Flexible, Or Non-existent

giphy

If they have a birth plan at all, OG moms write them knowing that things can change. They list a few preferences and maybe one or two "absolutes," then simply hope for the best. Managing expectations allows OG moms to avoid disappointment when things don't go as planned. In the end, what matters is having a healthy mother and a healthy baby, so however that happens is OK.

In my birth plan, I stated that I preferred to tear rather than have an episiotomy, breastfeed right away, and have immediate skin-to-skin contact. I got one out of three. Still, it's a better average than most baseball players, so I was cool with it.

You Have An Epidural, Or Not, Because Whatever

The decision to have a medicated or unmedicated birth can be controversial, but not if you're an OG mom. You'd never shame a mom who chose an epidural, and you don't use the term "natural."

Like French women, OG mamas know that birth is about the baby. A woman's choice in this matter isn't a reflection of her quality as a mother. An epidural is a tool, and you can take it or leave it. If you'd rather go unmedicated because it allows you more freedom of movement, or you just don't like the idea of it, that's also a valid option.

I had decided to go as long as I could without the assistance of drugs, and I made it 20 hours. It was such a relief when I got the epidural, and I was able to focus and enjoy the birth of my daughter when the time came to welcome her to the world.

Ad failed to load

You Don't Care What You Look Like

giphy

OG moms aren't trying to be cute when they're pushing and/or having a baby cut from their body. They are here to do serious business. They have enough on their plates concentrating on their breathing, keeping active, and eventually squeezing a human out of their vaginas or being ushered into an operating room, to worry about what their hair looks like.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a greasy, pale, exhausted mess in the photos of me giving birth. But I don't care because I choose to focus on the love on my face for the perfect being in my arms.

It's No Big Deal Who Delivers Your Baby

giphy

As we know from reliable sources like Knocked Up, it's never a guarantee that your chosen provider will be the one to deliver your baby. Honestly, Knocked Up's depiction is funny and mainstream because it happens a lot. Which is why I skipped the chapter on selecting a provider.

I went with whoever my insurance suggested for non-high risk pregnancies. I received prenatal services from a team of midwives, and the woman who would deliver my baby was whoever was on call. I liked all the midwives, so this was fine by me. In the end, the midwife wasn't even the one who caught the baby. My daughter wasn't responding well to my pushing, so they brought the doctor in to vacuum her out. In the end, the only "who" I cared about was my newborn.

You Don't Give A Sh*t About Pooping On The Table (Pun Intended)

Once you've been through birth, you know that pushing is a very similar feeling to (warning: crass language ahead) taking a crap. So, it makes sense that many mothers poop when giving birth. OG moms know it's not a big deal. You might not even know you did it, and nurses are super discreet (bless them).

Many moms of my generation lost their modesty along the way. For me, it happened after college. My period has always been accompanied by intestinal woes. Once they were so bad that as I was lying on the bathroom floor, I actually pooped my pants. Obviously, I don't care who knows it. Original gangsters know that sh*t literally happens.

Ad failed to load

You're Demanding About What Matters

giphy

Having one's priorities in order is a dead giveaway that you're an OG mom. You don't make a fuss, but when it comes to what really matters you're unapologetically uncompromising. OG moms will go with the flow, right up to the point you start to mess with what's important to them. Maybe it's breastfeeding or rooming in or who's allowed in the delivery room. Either way, when you've crossed the threshold, an OG mom will let you know about it.

I don't think it's a reach to say that what all moms care most about is the health of their baby. While original gangster mamas don't sweat the small stuff, we're fierce about protecting our little ones. And we're not sorry.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

7 Things A Mom Really Means When She Says She Doesn't Want Anything On Mother's Day

Every year my family asks me what I want for Mother's Day, and every single year I tell them the same thing: Nothing. So, by now, they know that when I say "nothing" I absolutely do not mean "nothing." In fact, there are more than a few things a mom …
By Candace Ganger

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

13 Unique (& Totally Not Mainstream) Mother's Day Gifts For The Hipster Mom

Hipsters thrive on being outside the norm and not really digging anything considered "mainstream." Whether it's in their fashion, what music they listen to, the books they read, or how they enjoy beverages, there's just something that makes them dist…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Here's How To Introduce Your Pet To Your Baby & Make Everything As Calm As Possible

Our home, which we lovingly refer to as “the funny farm,” is filled with four-legged family members. We have two crazy beagles and two cat jerks, and boy are they loved and spoiled. (As they should be.) But we are now finally having a baby of our own…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Here's The Right Birth Method For You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

If you're pregnant, you've probably given childbirth some serious thought. Some moms-to-be prepare a meticulous birth plan, while others are comfortable just going with the flow. And me? Well, I made a plan... but that plan was useless when faced wit…
By Steph Montgomery

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}