Last February I wrote a short treatise on why being pregnant in February is the worst. As that article made the rounds and people pitched in their two cents, I began to see arguments as to why maybe it's not all that bad. While I stand by my original assessment (Ice! Trying to squeeze into a coat! DRY MARDI GRAS!) I am, deep down, an optimist. So, to honor my silver-lining spirit, I've decided to try to explore why being pregnant in February is the best. For the record, I could only come up with 10 because February is, well, such a craptastic month.
I mean, seriously. During the miserable month of February it's dark and it's cold and there's extraordinarily little going on. It's easy to get lost in the dreary February fog of "meh." But, on the other hand, perhaps we can find a kind of solace in this dark, largely boring lull. Maybe this frigid snoozefest is just what we need when we're knee-deep in the frenzied flurry of activity during the rest of the year. Maybe? I don't know silver lining, people! I'm trying to be positive!
Ugh. Nope. Can't do it. Sorry: February is the least good month of the entire year. But, even in the worst of times, we can find some quiet moments of joy. So with that in mind, if you're pregnant right now, here are some positives you can look forward to:
Because It's Perfect Hibernation Weather
This is all that I, as a pregnant woman, wanted to do. If I could have spent my entire gestation period sleeping (without getting up 750 times a night to pee) I would have more than two children. And, for all its shortcomings, February is the perfect enticement to give into those hibernating urges. Like, if it's between getting dressed and schlepping outside and just staying in with a good SVU marathon, guess what's going to win out in February? *insert "dun dun" noise here*
For all its flaws, February is absolutely perfect for some guilt-free sloth time.
Because You Have Very Few Social Gatherings
Because we all know know one wants to leave the comfort of their home in the middle of February. Aside from, like, a Super Bowl party or maybe a friend's birthday, no significant social events are planned for this time of the year. We're still recovering from the holiday season. And some of us are still holding on to our "healthy lifestyle" New Year's resolutions, which often preclude a lot of the things adult hang-outs usually revolve around (namely drinking and eating).
This, to be sure, plays to the whole "guilt free" angle mentioned above, because you can't feel guilty about telling people you can't go out with them if no one is going out.
Because You're Your Own Furnace
The hormonal changes in a pregnant woman's body often mean she's running hotter than usual. (Pregnancy hot flashes, anyone?) While it's not pleasant to be sweaty, if one must be particularly warm it's best to do that sh*t during the coldest months of the year. Under good circumstances you're in a perpetual state of contented coziness.
Because No One Expects You To Shovel Anything
One of the things I mentioned in my "Why Being Pregnant In February Is The Worst" article is that you may run into the logistical issue of snow removal. That said, in my very fortunate experience, no one expected me to shovel snow when I was pregnant. I've been pregnant in February twice and that provided amazing excuses to have nothing to do with outdoor chores. It was glorious. I just sat in my apartment, probably with some hot coco, while my husband or very kind neighbors dealt with all that freezing white nonsense for me.
Because It's A Short Month
When pregnancy drags on for so very long, it feels so amazing to tick another month off your list. It's like, "Oh wow. Another month down! Awesome! Getting closer!" While it isn't actually going any faster than if the month were 31 days, it's still a nice mental hurdle you can clear and feel good about in a mere 28.
It really is the little things, you guys.
Because Of All The Valentine's Day Leverage
"Excuse me, but I'm growing a baby. You need to step it up this year. That means dinner, flowers, and a gift. And I need you to wear that thing I like. You know the one. Also, maybe you should arrange a gift from the baby. I know they're not sentient yet, but you are and I need you to do this for me."
I'm usually not one for emotional manipulation but girl, if the spirit moves you in this direction go for it. An elaborate Valentine's Day is the least your partner can do for you during times such as these.
Because There's Zero Valentine's Day Pressure
But if you're like me, someone who really doesn't like Valentine's Day at all, this is all the reason you need to forgo it entirely (guilt free) this year. Skimpy, ego crushing lingerie? Not for you! Brazilian wax? I don't think so! If Valentine's Day is not your thing, pregnancy is a goddamn hall pass.
Because There's Valentine's Day Chocolate
You don't have to like V-Day to like chocolate. And the stores are going to be loaded with the stuff the entire month. It's the best. February 15, also known as Valentine's Day Candy Sale Day? That's a holiday I can get behind.
Because There Are Super Bowl Nachos
You do not have to share. You rest that plate on your belly and you scarf them down with reckless abandon. If anyone dares reach for one, just look up at them and inform them of the following: "The baby is hungry. They need nachos. Do you really want to steal nachos from a baby?"
Because It's Not Summer
Hands down the most frequent comment I got to my last article was "This person has never been pregnant in the summer! That's the worst!" And I have been pregnant in the summer (one of the hottest New York City summers on record, for what it's worth) and it is the worst. Like, February is the colloquial worst because there's so much annoying crap going on in general and really annoying crap for a pregnant person in particular. Summer, however, is the literal worst.
OK, February: in a head to head against summer, you win. Because you do have some redeeming qualities that balance out the "blah." Yet for all of summer's redeeming qualities none of it can make up for the hell of simmering in your own, pungent, pregnant juices.
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