LoloStock/Fotolia

10 Signs You're A Basic Pregnant Woman & Can't Even

By
Share
Ad failed to load

I like seasonal beverages, pull-on boots with fuzzy lining, and messy buns. There is no shame in being basic, I think. I am into the things I’m into, and if people want to put a label on it, that only outs their shallowness, not mine. And when I was pregnant, I hit every item on the "signs you're a basic pregnant woman" checklist and, well, I leaned into it. I wanted to be clearly identified as a pregnant person (so I could maybe score a seat on the subway more easily), and in order for that to happen, I went back to basics without hesitating.

I did what you’d expect a pregnant woman to do, based on how we’ve been depicted in the media since I Love Lucy worked Lucille Ball’s pregnancy into the show’s storyline. After I successfully entered the second trimester, I drew attention to my expanding belly. I was vocal about turning down alcohol and my husband and I took a childbirth class. We registered for basic baby gear, and made baby name lists. The only basic item on the pregnancy checklist that we ignored was the amped-up gender reveal. My partner and I didn't know the sex of our children until they were born.

So if you’re not sure where you stand on the “what kind of pregnant woman am I” list, and you like labels, here are some signs you’re a “basic” pregnant woman. Hey, you’ll get no judgment from me.

Ad failed to load

Oversized Button-Downs Are Your Jam

Giphy

In the early '90s, oversized shirts and leggings were my go-to loungewear. I could have pulled off a full-term teen pregnancy with my wardrobe choices, and without anyone realizing it.

I never felt confident to wear form-fitting clothing pre-baby, and that carried over to my pregnancy. So while the oversized button-down look of pregnancy from a previous generation had been replaced by “baby on board” crop tops and low-slung maternity jeans, I kept it basic and honored the vintage look with a rotation of huge oxford shirts and an oblivious attitude towards style.

Pickles & Ice Cream Is A Cliché You Embrace

This is the grossest food combination known to man. I never believed for a second that anyone would eat this when I would see this trope played out on some TV show as a kid. Then I got pregnant and felt that a sweet creamy food would pair with a crunchy savory item and, well, I was not wrong. Pickles and ice cream? That's the good stuff, my friend.

“What To Expect When You’re Expecting” Is Your Bible

Giphy

Basic pregnant women do their homework. I read all the books and trolled all the parenting boards. Of course, this was way too much information and I was soon overloaded. Luckily, I learned to stop “studying” to be mom, and just get the basics down: keep the kid alive with food, love, and sleep; keep it relatively clean; don’t let it grow up to be a jerk.

Ad failed to load

You Find Yourself Attracted To Anything Featuring A Duckling

I wouldn’t say I had a totally black heart, but I had a prolonged goth stage and was never moved much by baby stuff. Then I started growing a baby, and I couldn’t stop cooing at infant animals or other people’s human babies. Depictions of fluffy chicks had a narcotic effect on me. It was all just so cute.

You Make Siri Repeat Possible Baby Names

Giphy

Having Siri recite potential baby names is a good way to figure out if the names my husband and I like sound OK in someone else’s voice. This feels like a very logical approach to determining how the robots will address your child in our inevitable dystopian future.

You Won’t Stand For That “We’re Pregnant” B.S.

Nope. You, and you alone, are pregnant. Your spouse is not pregnant (unless she physically is, of course). It bothers me to hear hetero couples refer to the woman’s pregnancy in the first person plural. She’s doing all the work, people! The dude's job took a minute and now he gets to witness the amazing feat that is gestating a human.

Ad failed to load

You Research Baby Products On Consumer Reports

Giphy

The word “trend” is not applicable to your baby gear shopping adventures. You want solid, sturdy, reliable products. You will not shell out extra for the stroller’s denim fabric.

Patting Your Belly Is Your Signature Move

I was not "too cool" to show off my belly, especially once it was protruding enough to qualify me as undeniably pregnant. The patting of the stomach is the universal sign for “maternal instincts at work here” and even if I didn’t really feel maternal at that point, I thought it was just the right thing to do.

You Rock Slip-on Shoes No Matter The Occasion Or Season

Giphy

Not one to fret about footwear, you take the opportunity of your pregnancy to relish in comfort. Now is the time to shelve the painful heels and narrow boots. I love shoes — like, a lot — but I was done trying to pull off any modern looks while pregnant. I stuck to flip-flops, slip-on sneakers, and, dare I say, Teva water sandals.

Ad failed to load

Your Response To Everything Is “Oh, I’m Pregnant”

Giphy

“Some champagne?”

“Care to volunteer on School Picture Day?”

“Consolidate your credit card debt?”

No matter what anybody’s selling, the answer is a demure, “No thank you,” because pregnancy is nature’s best excuse to get out of everything.

Watch Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:

Check out the entire Romper's Doula Diaries series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

6 Early Signs You're Going To Have A Short Labor, According To Experts

As far as I'm concerned, a short labor is right up there with winning the lottery in terms of lucky life events. (And when I was actually in labor, I would absolutely have traded a bucketful of lottery winnings for a speedier birth.) While some women…
By Kelly Mullen-McWilliams

Kids Will Love These TV Shows & Movies Coming To Netflix In March

You can always count on Netflix to keep it fresh: though there are already so many movies and shows to choose from, every month there's an influx of new content to keep your entire family entertained. As February enters its final weeks, it's time to …
By Megan Walsh

Here Are 10 Ways To Boost Your Baby's Immunity To The Flu

As I'm sure you've read in the thousands upon thousands of articles written about it this winter, the flu is spreading like wildfire and it's bad. Really bad. This strand of flu is the worst we've had in a very long time and it's the most widespread,…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Khloé Kardashian Asked Twitter About Her Bump, & Moms Totally Delivered

Like her younger sister Kylie Jenner, Khloé Kardashian managed to keep most of her pregnancy a sort-of secret. But unlike Jenner, Kardashian chose to publicly announce her pregnancy several months before the baby's due date. While there's no wrong wa…
By Sophie Hirsh

21 Moms Share The Most Surprising Part About Having A C-Section

Honestly, I don't think we, as a culture, talk about C-sections nearly enough, especially considering so many mothers experience them. And because of a number of factors, the little we do talk about it always seems to be a familiar narrative: "It's n…
By Jamie Kenney

13 Yummy Instant Pot Recipes To Make Under 30 Minutes

An Instant Pot seems to be the must-have appliance in every kitchen these days. If you are anything like me and never knew the beauty of a Instant Pot, you are about to have your life changed. Basically, you put some ingredients into a pot, set the t…
By Kristin Manna

9 Things The First Six Months Of Motherhood Will Teach You About Your Baby

Personally, the first six months of motherhood was a mixed bag. I learned some harsh lessons about myself that made taking care of my baby seem overwhelming. For example, I was clueless, and no amount of research could help me feel like anything but …
By Steph Montgomery

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack