Aliaksei Lasevich/Fotolia

10 Signs You're A Real Tree Mom

By
Share
Ad failed to load

In the seasonal debate over real vs. fake trees, I come down firmly on the side of the real thing. No need to get defensive, lovers of the artificial tree. I get it. They're convenient, hypoallergenic, and a good investment. But now that I'm the mom, and these kinds of decisions are mine to make, I'm calling live tree all damn day. It's pretty easy to tell which team a mom is playing for, so if you exhibit any of the following signs, you're probably a real tree mom.

I'm a real tree person, born and bred. As a kid, it was a tradition to head out to the country and cut down our own tree. The scent of pine tree in the house was an fundamental part of the Christmas season. There was no question as to the type of tree I'd have in my own home. As a single lady in the city, I'd hit up the local stand and strap a small evergreen tree to the roof of the old Corolla. Now that I'm a mom, I've insisted on a live tree for my family every year, even though the places we've lived aren't exactly u-cut central.

I'm a die-hard "real tree or it isn't Christmas" kind of mom. I have strong feelings about it, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Think you might be one, too? If you check the following off, you can sit with us at the real tree table:

Ad failed to load

You Have A Visceral Reaction To The Word "Artificial"

Giphy

Do you have a violent reaction to any mention of an artificial tree? Does the idea of a tree having A and B parts send you into spasms of Scrooginess? If you answered yes, you're definitely a real tree mom.

I don't let anything get in my way of a live tree. I could be 8 weeks pregnant and puking my guts out or wrangling a toddler solo because my husband is deployed over the holidays, and there will still be a real tree in my house.

You're All About The Pine-Fresh Scent

No offense, but your air freshener can't hold a candle (seriously, don't come at me with an evergreen candle) to my real, live pine tree. There is nothing better than waking up to that smell. Plus, research shows that the smell of pine needles can help with anxiety, stress, and depression. Who couldn't use more of that during the holidays?

You Vacuum Up Needles Without Complaint

Giphy

If it takes more than a little maintenance to scare you off, you might be a real tree mom. Real tree mamas know that a live tree requires daily watering and drops needles constantly. However, we're of the opinion that it's worth the trade-off to have the magic a real tree provides.

Ad failed to load

You Have A Favorite Kind Of Tree

As a small child, my mom ingrained in me the superiority of the Noble fir. For needle retention and sturdy branches for hanging ornaments on, nothing beats the Noble fir. That's just me, though. You'll find real tree moms who are just as passionate about their blue spruce or Fraser fir.

You Like Walking In The Woods

Giphy

Live tree moms know that pulling artificial tree pieces out of boxes just isn't as satisfying as cutting one down with an ax. When we go out into the wilderness (or at least the Christmas tree farm), we're making memories. Finding the "perfect" tree is the best part, although the cider and candy canes are a close second.

You're Crunchy At Heart

With no scientific evidence whatsoever, I put forth the theory that crunchy moms are more likely to have a real tree. It's a reasonable hypothesis, I think, since crunchy moms are a green-conscious group. And for sustainability and lower carbon footprint, a live tree is the way to go.

According to NASA Climate Kids, buying a real tree is the more environmentally-sound choice. Tree farms help keep the air clean (it takes 8-12 years to grow a Christmas tree and all that time, it's fighting climate change), and when you're done, your tree can be recycled!

Ad failed to load

You Consider Your Kids To Be Christmas Tree "Helpers"

Giphy

When you're underneath a pile of snarled LEDs, I'll admit that a pre-lit tree starts to sound pretty good. But then you realize that untangling that hot mess is the perfect project for your little "helpers." This Sisyphean task will keep them from breaking your ornament from 1991 and hanging tinsel all willy-nilly.

You Like A Little Asymmetry

A real tree is never going to be perfectly symmetrical. It's going to have a "good" side and probably be a little wonky on top. Maybe us real tree moms are just intrinsically in touch with design principles, but we appreciate asymmetry for its visual complexity.

Charlie Brown Speaks To You On A Deeply Personal Level

Giphy

Screw your shiny, pink aluminum tree, Lucy. Only a real tree can transform from the saddest, spindliest stick on the lot into a Christmas tree for the ages.

Ad failed to load

You're Passing On A Love For The Real Thing

The indoctrination begins early in real tree households. As a real tree mom, I make sure my kid knows that even after my death, should she ever deign to welcome a fake tree into her own home, I will haunt the sh*t out of her. The Ghost of Christmas Trees Past is judgmental, yes, but she has her reasons.

Check out Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:

Watch full episodes of Romper's Doula Diaries on Facebook Watch.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

8 Things That *Will* Go Wrong Every Time You Plan A Kid-Free Night

The last time my husband and I went out to dinner alone was… actually, I can’t remember. But I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen a movie in a theater in the last year. Before we had children we used to go out all the time. But even with …
By Liza Wyles

These Photos Of North West Then & Now Will Take You On A Sweet Trip Down Memory Lane

When Kim Kardashian welcomed her first daughter, North West, with her husband, Kanye West, in 2013, her whole life was changed. The social media and reality TV star became a mom for the first time and her Instagram presence took a very adorable turn.…
By Casey Suglia

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

This Is What It Means If Your Pregnancy Test Changes Overnight

The time between when a woman suspects she might be pregnant and when it is confirmed for sure is the longest of her life. Regardless of whether you are hoping for a positive or a negative result, the odds are good that you are sweating bullets when …
By Shannon Evans

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

This Woman Thought She Had An Eyelash Stuck In Her Eye. Then It Moved.

I'm not a person who is easily icked out. As a kid, I collected bugs and thought I was going to be an entomologist and asked Santa Claus for ant farms and nets to catch bees. I'm still super curious about anything that flies and crawls, which might s…
By Karen Fratti

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

11 Ways Your Pregnancy Will Be Different If You Have A Boy Vs A Girl

If you've been pregnant before, you might start comparing your previous pregnancies to that of your current pregnancy. A lot of things can change from pregnancy to pregnancy, based on a whole host of different factors (including how well you remember…
By Lauren Schumacker

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

12 Moms Share How They Stay Healthy During Flu Season

Unfortunately, we're in the middle of the roughest flu seasons in recent memory. And we’re not totally out of the woods, either. People around the country are still getting the flu, and, sadly, some of them are having to be hospitalized due to flu-re…
By Priscilla Blossom

8 "Mistakes" I'm Glad I Made During My First Pregnancy

As an adult, I've learned you never really stop hating being told what to do. When I was pregnant I was getting instructions at every turn, from doctors, relatives, and complete strangers on the subway. I would nod and smile but then go about making …
By Liza Wyles

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack