Fotolia

10 Things Every New Mom Thinks About Mom Groups, But Doesn't Say Out Loud

By
Share
Ad failed to load

When you’re a new mom, it’s easy to feel isolated. Chances are pretty high that there’s not a lot of adult interaction that happens between the hours of 8am and 6pm for you, so joining a mom group was probably suggested early on by friends or family. Unless you’re surrounded by friends having babies at the exact same time, though, you kind of have to step blindly into the mom group world. The things every new mom thinks about mom groups, but doesn’t say out loud, can vary, depending on the type of group that mom is in and the kind of connection or solidarity she is looking for.

The bad mom groups are a dime a dozen, if you ask me. Putting together a group of random individuals whose only commonality is having just had a baby can be a recipe for disaster, in terms of personality conflicts. A group of not-so-random women, however, ones that have at least one major thing in common (aside from having given birth) can make for a really amazing mom group, that fosters friendships that will last lifetimes. That was the case for me, when comparing the mom group in my neighborhood (where I was not in the same economic bracket as the other moms) to the PPD support group I found and joined, where our postpartum depression was what bonded us.

Mom groups can be a wonderful thing when you find the right one, and I hope that every mom out there eventually finds the support she needs to get through the tough parts of motherhood. Here are 10 things every new mom thinks about mom groups, but doesn't say out loud, because just like parenthood itself, you have to take the good with the bad.

Ad failed to load

"I Have Nothing In Common With Any Of You"

giphy

There’s nothing worse than hanging out with a bunch of people who only have babies in common. At least, that was my experience. I was in a baby activity group early on, and virtually every woman there brought her nanny with her or disappeared for weeks at a time to “vacation in the Caribbean.” Meanwhile, there I was, barely able to afford rent on my two-bedroom bungalow. Needless to say, I didn’t make any friends.

"We’re In High School All Over Again"

giphy

I have very little patience for people who play games and, I hate to say it, but sometimes pettiness and judgement wins out over the support you hoped to find in a mom group. I’ve witnessed some brutal gossip between mothers, about other mothers, and it makes me want to shake those women and ask, “Aren’t we here to lift each other up?” It's like Mean Girls all over again.

"You Ladies Are The Only Thing Keeping Me Sane"

giphy

On the other hand, when you have a good group of moms, it can be everything. My prenatal class hit it off so well that we ended up getting together regularly, all through the first several years of our kids’ lives. We also had emails going back and forth, comparing notes in between those visits, and sometimes they were the only things that kept me going.

Ad failed to load

"Thank God I’m Not Alone"

giphy

The great mom groups are the ones where you share the awful moments, not just the good ones, because every mom has likely experienced the same things at one point or the other. Hearing that what you’re going through isn’t that unusual can help more than you can imagine. My PPD support group was so important, for that very reason.

"If I Hear That Mom Brag About Her Baby Talking At Three Months One More Time, I’ll Lose It"

giphy

There’s always a braggart in any group, and mom groups aren't excluded. I’m actually pretty sure that was me the first time around, so to all my mom friends out there who had to listen to me talk about my daughter being so smart or whatever I was bragging about: I’m so sorry.

"Why Isn’t My Baby Crawling/Sitting Up/Sleeping Through The Night Like The Rest Of These Babies Are?"

giphy

Nothing like watching other babies hit their milestones on time, or even early, and wondering why your baby isn’t there yet. The fact is, there’s a range of ages for most babies to hit the major milestones, and while you may know that logically, when you see all the other babies moving on it’s hard not to panic.

Ad failed to load

"I Feel So Judged Right Now"

giphy

There’s nothing like a room full of moms not doing what you do, to make you feel like you’re being judged (whether that’s actually happening or not). I still remember wondering what the other moms thought of me pulling out a nipple shield to nurse with, when I was at my first La Leche League meeting.

"I Feel So Supported Right Now"

giphy

There’s also nothing like a room full of moms who get what you’re going through, and are willing to help any way they can. If you’re not getting this from your current mom group, I suggest looking for another, because they are out there. Trust me.

"This Would Be Such A Great Group If It Wasn’t For That One Mom"

giphy

Even the most supportive mom group often has "that mom," who found her way in there and disrupts what would be an otherwise pleasant experience. Pretty sure it’s like some kind of law of numbers or science or something. Now, I can say this, because I'm pretty sure I'm "that mom," in all of my groups. You can't keep us out, you guys. Sorry.

Ad failed to load

"It Takes A Damn Village And I’m So Glad I’ve Found Mine"

giphy

The amazing, supportive mom group, where you make friends that last a lifetime is not a unicorn. I promise. I consider myself so lucky to have met the women from those groups that I continue to be friends with, despite moving out of the city. I hope that every single mom gets to have the same experience, because that mom village is everything, especially on those difficult days.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

15 Baby Names With Unique Nicknames, So Your Family Has Options

I love a good diminutive name, also known as a nickname. I believe I’m partial to them because of my own name, Abigale, but I go by Abi. And since they’re both uniquely spelled, everyone thinks my name is pronounced Ah-bee for some reason — but even …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

The Entire Family Can Enjoy These Movies & Shows Coming To Netflix In June

It's just one of those sad facts of life: every month, shows and movies vanish from Netflix, their varied excitements no longer at your fingertips. But luckily the streaming service is always prepared to fill that content void with lots of new things…
By Megan Walsh

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}