10 Things Non-Moms Say That Moms Would Love To Never Hear Again

By
Share
Ad failed to load

I am an extremely busy mother of two, who also happens to be employed outside of the home, so being social for me is a special occasion that doesn't happen nearly as often as I'd like. That's why I'm so beyond thankful for all of my friends, not just the moms, but the non-moms too, because they're the ones that keep me grounded. I am especially lucky to have a group of non-mom friends that understand the things that non-moms should never say to their mom friends, because yes, that's kind of a big deal.

When I look back on the smug things I said about parenting before I became a parent, I simultaneously laugh and cringe. I know now that my ignorance was not bliss, but I still snicker at my extreme level of naivety in regards to my own meritless omnipotence. My first year of parenting changed my life in ways I didn't see coming; I learned a lot of lessons that forced me to eat my pre-parent smugness on more than one occasion. Having a baby did more than just change my body, it changed my perspective, too.

Having been the person who was not yet a parent, but assumed she knew everything there was to know about parenting without having actually experienced it, I understand that there are things that non-parents should never say to parents. Having said a few of the following myself (I know, and I'm completely embarrassed), I am able to heed well-intentioned caution to my non-parent friends not just about the things you shouldn't talk about if you're not a parent, but also the things that non-parents should never say to their friends who are parents:

Ad failed to load

"I'm So Exhausted"

Giphy

You're allowed to be exhausted, of course, but telling a new mom how tired you are when there's a good chance she hasn't slept more than a few hours at a time in a long time, is probably going to make her resent you a little (if not lose her mind). I remember showing up to my friend's kid's first birthday party hungover (before I had kids of my own), and talking about how exhausted I was. I know now that this was obviously super inconsiderate of me, and I cringe when I think about ever being that person. If you're tired, that's totally cool, but maybe we should just all agree to avoid comparing the culprits behind our sleepless nights.

"It's Not Kid Friendly"

No, not all functions or gatherings or events are kid friendly, but when you tell a parent that something isn't "kid friendly," all we hear you say is, "Leave your stupid kid at home because he or she ruins everything." This is obviously an exaggeration, but being a parent already feels isolating enough without having our friends basically tell us that we're not welcome somewhere if we've got our kids in tow.

"Can't You Just Get A Sitter?"

Giphy

Well, maybe, but maybe not. Finding a babysitter, especially last minute, is never as easy as it sounds. It involves having to trust another person with your child's life, whether you know the person keeping them or not; It involves planning, and possibly money, not to mention the complete alignment of the stars. Sure, we need to get out and be social and feel like normal humans again, but doing so at the drop of a hat really isn't as easy as people without kids make it sound. If it were, we'd probably show up in public sans kids a little more often.

Ad failed to load

"I Would Die If I Found Out I Was Pregnant"

Giphy

Nope, no you wouldn't. Being pregnant isn't a death sentence, and when you tell your friend with kids that finding out you were pregnant would basically be the end of your time here on earth, well, we kind of want to kick you in the shins. It's completely okay if you don't want to ever have kids (and pregnancy doesn't mean you have to become a mother, because we have options now), but try not to make those of us that do have children feel like our lives are over because of a life-choice we made, because they're not. Our lives are different after kids, yes, but they're certainly not over.

"Where Have You Been, Stranger?"

Oh you know, just taking care of my kids. I have a friend that asks me this literally every time I see him, and I can't help but to get even more annoyed each time. Like, where the hell do you think I've been? In the wilderness? On an abandoned island hanging out with a volleyball named Wilson? I'm not an abandoned Tom Hanks, sir, I'm a mom, so obviously that's what I've been doing.

"I Know What You Mean, My Puppy (Insert Ridiculous Comparison Between Puppies And Babies Here)"

Giphy

Puppies are a time consuming, yes, but they're not babies. Comparing a furry animal that can eat on its own or pee outside (one that doesn't require burping or breastfeeding or doesn't need to be taught, you know, everything about everything) to a baby that needs you every second of every day, just isn't accurate. So saying, "Yeah, I know what you mean about being so tired. I had to get up and let my puppy out at 2:00 in the morning!" is going to make your friend that has kids, and definitely loses sleep every night, want to slap you. Did you check to see if your puppy was breathing every couple of hours? Did you breastfeed your puppy? Did you change your puppy's explosive diaper? No? Then don't compare puppies to babies.

Ad failed to load

"I Would Never (Insert Thing They Think They Would Never Do If They Had Kids Here)"

Right, you would never let your kids watch too much TV or feed them food that wasn't freshly picked from the organic garden in your back yard or let them pitch a monumental fit in a public place, because you're a parenting expert. We all were parenting experts before we had kids, myself included, but when good intentions meet reality, we often fall short of our own unrealistic expectations. I consider myself to be a somewhat seasoned parent at this point in my life, and I still don't know what the hell I'm doing some days. Sometimes, my kids eat broccoli for breakfast, and sometimes they get into the dog food, and yes, probably swallow a piece or two. Regardless, they're alive and they're healthy and they're happy (well, most of the time), and I'm no expert, but I think that's all that really matters. Besides, dog food is packed with protein.

"You're No Fun Anymore"

Giphy

What do you mean "no fun?" You don't consider constructing the perfect blanket fort or making water balloons or baking the perfect cookies or being able to quote Doc McStuffins to be fun? Parents are still fun, it's just that our versions of fun have changed a little since we had kids.

"How Do You Put Up With This All The Time?"

Wine, mostly. Also, surrounding ourselves with friends who don't judge the circus that is life with toddlers.

Ad failed to load

"Ugh, I Can't Stand Kids"

Giphy

Really? If you're telling your friend who has kids that you can't stand kids, you're probably a terrible person. Again, if you don't want kids, that's totally cool and understandable, but don't express that hearing kids cry makes your ovaries shrivel up and die to your friend that has kids. First of all, rude. Second, being a parent is tough, and by telling someone with kids that you can't stand kids, it makes that parent feel like you pity her life; like her days disgust you, and like she's unworthy of your holiness because she decided to start a family. We've got different lives, sure, but that doesn't mean that we can't find common ground and try to understand one another. Women with and without kids need all the support they can get, so supporting one another despite our differences is something we should all be willing and able to do.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

7 Things A Mom Really Means When She Says She Doesn't Want Anything On Mother's Day

Every year my family asks me what I want for Mother's Day, and every single year I tell them the same thing: Nothing. So, by now, they know that when I say "nothing" I absolutely do not mean "nothing." In fact, there are more than a few things a mom …
By Candace Ganger

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

Here's The Right Birth Method For You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

If you're pregnant, you've probably given childbirth some serious thought. Some moms-to-be prepare a meticulous birth plan, while others are comfortable just going with the flow. And me? Well, I made a plan... but that plan was useless when faced wit…
By Steph Montgomery

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}