Toddler

10 Weird Things Every Mom Does While Her Kid Is Napping

By
Share
Ad failed to load

Naps are the gold standard for parents everywhere. We wait, bide our time, and plan for when our kids finally give up and give in to sleep. It's like a gift they give us; the gift of "taking a break." So, it should honestly be anything but surprising to know there are things every mom does when her kid is napping; things that probably seem pretty weird to people who don't deal with sleep-defying children. However, for a mother they're rare treats, like scoring free diapers from the pediatrician or finding a mom-friend who hates playdates just as much as you do.

When my first son was a baby, he never slept. He would fight off that sweet, sweet unconsciousness for as long as he possibly could. In fact, I think he would've propped his eyelids open with toothpicks if he could've. As a result of this constant, seemingly never-ending battle, my son was always tired and always cranky, so I was always tired and cranky. So, when he finally couldn't fight sleep any longer and inevitably passed out, I had a few things I always did. In other words, my post-baby sleep routine was set in damn stone, my friends.

I am pretty confident that all parents do much of the same when their little cherubs have successfully drifted into dream land. We all crave our own time, our own space, our own food, and our own little mini-break that reminds us that while we're parents, we're also human beings. So, with that in mind, here's a list of the (sometimes weird) things I'm convinced every mom does once her little one has finally decided to nap:

Ad failed to load

She Checks Social Media

giphy

First things first, my friends. You immediately pull out your phone and post a photo of your sleeping angel. You message with other moms who have just posted photos of their sleeping angels, too. You laugh at memes about moms who check social media as soon as their kids are asleep. You check yourself and remember not to laugh too loudly, lest you wake up your sleeping angel and have to relinquish your connection to the outside world.

She Eats All The Food She Hides From Her Kid

Chocolate hidden in a box of protein bars and Nutella inside an empty raisins box and cookies in the oatmeal canister. Every mom has her stash and we all hit it when the kids are asleep. It's usually in the "mom food" box or bag in the pantry, so you know your family won't open it. I tend to cram a mouthful of snacks and quickly wipe away the crumbs from my shirt, so by far-too-perceptive children don't call me out. So far, so good.

She Pays The Bills

giphy

While you've got your phone out, rabidly ingesting all the social media interaction you can, you also duck into your bank app and pay bills that were due last week that you didn't pay. It's not because you couldn't, of course, but because your children aren't reliable nappers and as soon as you pulled out your phone, they took it and threw it and you just forgot what the hell you were planning to do.

Ad failed to load

She Actually Sits Down

Sitting down. Man, what a simple thing that moms just don't get to enjoy as frequently as they did in their pre-baby days.

I can't tell you how much I enjoy sitting down with no one on my lap, pulling on my arm or calling me to come wipe their butt. So, yeah, sitting down (by myself) is a rare treat, and if I can kick my feet up and place them on my ottoman, even better.

She Takes A Nap, Too

giphy

Sleep when the baby sleeps, right? You're just following the advice of all those people who felt compelled to give it to you (unsolicited, of course).

And, sure, you might be rolling the proverbial dice when you decide to sleep when your toddler sleeps (because toddlers can wake up all stealth like and go about their business undetected), but moms have this built-in sixth sense that alerts them to any and all movements their children may or may not make. So, I say nap whenever you can (and definitely when your kid is sleeping).

She Poops In Peace

Yeah, that's right. I poop. Alone. By myself. I poop alone, by myself, with the bathroom door closes and it's a damn treat, my friends. It's bliss.

Ad failed to load

She Takes A Shower

giphy

Because when was the last time that happened, right? Of course, this particular shower is usually quick, because you know your kid will wake up as soon as you put shampoo in your hair.

She Watches Netflix

I don't know about you, but when my kid naps I dive into all the non-animated, non-Caillou, non-Disney related shows and/or movies I can find. No animation (unless you want). When my kid's sleeping, you can find me watching Gilmore Girls or Orange Is The New Black or whatever the hell I want that isn't "kid-approved," because just no.

She Does Absolutely Nothing

giphy

Just sitting on the sofa, staring blankly into the middle distance is, honestly, my personal favorite. Sure, it's essentially a cross between waiting for my kid to wake up and trying to decide what I should do, but I can tell myself it's actually a meditation period and feel so much better about the entire situation. #Winning

Ad failed to load

She Stares At Her Sleeping Kid, Like A Creeper

You carefully open the closed door and make like a ninja across the room and just stare at the sweet face you were actively trying to have a break from. You spent the morning waiting for this glorious nap to actually happen, and now you just want those eyes to open. Motherhood is weird, man.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

7 Things A Mom Really Means When She Says She Doesn't Want Anything On Mother's Day

Every year my family asks me what I want for Mother's Day, and every single year I tell them the same thing: Nothing. So, by now, they know that when I say "nothing" I absolutely do not mean "nothing." In fact, there are more than a few things a mom …
By Candace Ganger

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

13 Unique (& Totally Not Mainstream) Mother's Day Gifts For The Hipster Mom

Hipsters thrive on being outside the norm and not really digging anything considered "mainstream." Whether it's in their fashion, what music they listen to, the books they read, or how they enjoy beverages, there's just something that makes them dist…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Here's How To Introduce Your Pet To Your Baby & Make Everything As Calm As Possible

Our home, which we lovingly refer to as “the funny farm,” is filled with four-legged family members. We have two crazy beagles and two cat jerks, and boy are they loved and spoiled. (As they should be.) But we are now finally having a baby of our own…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Here's The Right Birth Method For You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

If you're pregnant, you've probably given childbirth some serious thought. Some moms-to-be prepare a meticulous birth plan, while others are comfortable just going with the flow. And me? Well, I made a plan... but that plan was useless when faced wit…
By Steph Montgomery

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}