Toddler

10 Weird Things Every Mom Does While Her Kid Is Napping

By
Share
Ad failed to load

Naps are the gold standard for parents everywhere. We wait, bide our time, and plan for when our kids finally give up and give in to sleep. It's like a gift they give us; the gift of "taking a break." So, it should honestly be anything but surprising to know there are things every mom does when her kid is napping; things that probably seem pretty weird to people who don't deal with sleep-defying children. However, for a mother they're rare treats, like scoring free diapers from the pediatrician or finding a mom-friend who hates playdates just as much as you do.

When my first son was a baby, he never slept. He would fight off that sweet, sweet unconsciousness for as long as he possibly could. In fact, I think he would've propped his eyelids open with toothpicks if he could've. As a result of this constant, seemingly never-ending battle, my son was always tired and always cranky, so I was always tired and cranky. So, when he finally couldn't fight sleep any longer and inevitably passed out, I had a few things I always did. In other words, my post-baby sleep routine was set in damn stone, my friends.

I am pretty confident that all parents do much of the same when their little cherubs have successfully drifted into dream land. We all crave our own time, our own space, our own food, and our own little mini-break that reminds us that while we're parents, we're also human beings. So, with that in mind, here's a list of the (sometimes weird) things I'm convinced every mom does once her little one has finally decided to nap:

Ad failed to load

She Checks Social Media

giphy

First things first, my friends. You immediately pull out your phone and post a photo of your sleeping angel. You message with other moms who have just posted photos of their sleeping angels, too. You laugh at memes about moms who check social media as soon as their kids are asleep. You check yourself and remember not to laugh too loudly, lest you wake up your sleeping angel and have to relinquish your connection to the outside world.

She Eats All The Food She Hides From Her Kid

Chocolate hidden in a box of protein bars and Nutella inside an empty raisins box and cookies in the oatmeal canister. Every mom has her stash and we all hit it when the kids are asleep. It's usually in the "mom food" box or bag in the pantry, so you know your family won't open it. I tend to cram a mouthful of snacks and quickly wipe away the crumbs from my shirt, so by far-too-perceptive children don't call me out. So far, so good.  

She Pays The Bills

giphy

While you've got your phone out, rabidly ingesting all the social media interaction you can, you also duck into your bank app and pay bills that were due last week that you didn't pay. It's not because you couldn't, of course, but because your children aren't reliable nappers and as soon as you pulled out your phone, they took it and threw it and you just forgot what the hell you were planning to do.

Ad failed to load

She Actually Sits Down

Sitting down. Man, what a simple thing that moms just don't get to enjoy as frequently as they did in their pre-baby days.

I can't tell you how much I enjoy sitting down with no one on my lap, pulling on my arm or calling me to come wipe their butt. So, yeah, sitting down (by myself) is a rare treat, and if I can kick my feet up and place them on my ottoman, even better.

She Takes A Nap, Too

giphy

Sleep when the baby sleeps, right? You're just following the advice of all those people who felt compelled to give it to you (unsolicited, of course).

And, sure, you might be rolling the proverbial dice when you decide to sleep when your toddler sleeps (because toddlers can wake up all stealth like and go about their business undetected), but moms have this built-in sixth sense that alerts them to any and all movements their children may or may not make. So, I say nap whenever you can (and definitely when your kid is sleeping).

She Poops In Peace

Yeah, that's right. I poop. Alone. By myself. I poop alone, by myself, with the bathroom door closes and it's a damn treat, my friends. It's bliss.

Ad failed to load

She Takes A Shower

giphy

Because when was the last time that happened, right? Of course, this particular shower is usually quick, because you know your kid will wake up as soon as you put shampoo in your hair.

She Watches Netflix

I don't know about you, but when my kid naps I dive into all the non-animated, non-Caillou, non-Disney related shows and/or movies I can find. No animation (unless you want). When my kid's sleeping, you can find me watching Gilmore Girls or Orange Is The New Black or whatever the hell I want that isn't "kid-approved," because just no.  

She Does Absolutely Nothing

giphy

Just sitting on the sofa, staring blankly into the middle distance is, honestly, my personal favorite. Sure, it's essentially a cross between waiting for my kid to wake up and trying to decide what I should do, but I can tell myself it's actually a meditation period and feel so much better about the entire situation. #Winning

Ad failed to load

She Stares At Her Sleeping Kid, Like A Creeper

You carefully open the closed door and make like a ninja across the room and just stare at the sweet face you were actively trying to have a break from. You spent the morning waiting for this glorious nap to actually happen, and now you just want those eyes to open. Motherhood is weird, man.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

8 Things That *Will* Go Wrong Every Time You Plan A Kid-Free Night

The last time my husband and I went out to dinner alone was… actually, I can’t remember. But I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen a movie in a theater in the last year. Before we had children we used to go out all the time. But even with …
By Liza Wyles

These Photos Of North West Then & Now Will Take You On A Sweet Trip Down Memory Lane

When Kim Kardashian welcomed her first daughter, North West, with her husband, Kanye West, in 2013, her whole life was changed. The social media and reality TV star became a mom for the first time and her Instagram presence took a very adorable turn.…
By Casey Suglia

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

This Is What It Means If Your Pregnancy Test Changes Overnight

The time between when a woman suspects she might be pregnant and when it is confirmed for sure is the longest of her life. Regardless of whether you are hoping for a positive or a negative result, the odds are good that you are sweating bullets when …
By Shannon Evans

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

This Woman Thought She Had An Eyelash Stuck In Her Eye. Then It Moved.

I'm not a person who is easily icked out. As a kid, I collected bugs and thought I was going to be an entomologist and asked Santa Claus for ant farms and nets to catch bees. I'm still super curious about anything that flies and crawls, which might s…
By Karen Fratti

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

11 Ways Your Pregnancy Will Be Different If You Have A Boy Vs A Girl

If you've been pregnant before, you might start comparing your previous pregnancies to that of your current pregnancy. A lot of things can change from pregnancy to pregnancy, based on a whole host of different factors (including how well you remember…
By Lauren Schumacker

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

12 Moms Share How They Stay Healthy During Flu Season

Unfortunately, we're in the middle of the roughest flu seasons in recent memory. And we’re not totally out of the woods, either. People around the country are still getting the flu, and, sadly, some of them are having to be hospitalized due to flu-re…
By Priscilla Blossom

8 "Mistakes" I'm Glad I Made During My First Pregnancy

As an adult, I've learned you never really stop hating being told what to do. When I was pregnant I was getting instructions at every turn, from doctors, relatives, and complete strangers on the subway. I would nod and smile but then go about making …
By Liza Wyles

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack