11 Reasons Why Sleep Regressions Are The Worst Part Of Parenthood

Ad failed to load

Sleep is the unicorn of every new parent's life; mysterious, allusive and not necessarily a real thing you can have. Not to say that you never get a decent amount, you just get it inconsistently for various reasons. One of those reasons is the dreaded sleep regression, which is why sleep regressions are easily the worst part of parenthood (if you ask me, anyway). Just spend a moment typing "sleep regression" in your search engine and see how many times the phrase, "the dreaded sleep regression" appears. Trust me when I say that parents fear the inevitable sleep regression for good reason.

I've always been a night owl and, to me, waking up early means setting the alarm for some time before 9am. I would love to say that parenthood took the night owl right out of me but the truth is, even now, I tend to be more productive after 10pm. My affinity for late-night hours became a real problem, however, when sleep regressions hit. I just couldn't force myself to fall asleep earlier, despite knowing I needed the rest.

My son was one of those classic "amazing sleeper" types for his first four months of life. Then a sleep regression hit and he's been a crap sleeper ever since, thanks to teething, a few colds, and even more sleep regressions. He was such a tease. I think that probably happens to a lot of parents; you start out thinking it won't be that bad, sleep-wise, and then you get smacked upside the head with regression after regression until you're ready to raise the white flag just so you can get an extra hour of shut-eye, somehow. So, with that in mind, here are 11 reasons why sleep regressions are the worst part of parenthood (as if you even needed convincing).

Ad failed to load

Another One Is Always Just Around The Corner


For the first two years of each of my babies' lives, it seemed like it was just one sleep regression after another. By the time they're toddlers, you're so exhausted you almost lose sight of the fact that it's all those fun new skills they're acquiring that ends up disrupting their sleep.

You Forget Sleep Regressions Exist, And Then One Hits


Seriously, every time a sleep regression would hit, I'd be racking my brain, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with my kid. Then I'd Google what I thought were symptoms, and nothing would come up (well, except certain death, because that's the answer for any symptom you type into Dr. Google, isn't it?). Eventually I'd stumble upon something mentioning ages for sleep regressions, sit back in my chair and say, "Ohhhh. Sh*t."

There's No Such Thing As A Coffee IV Drip


I'm not sure why these don't exist yet, because every mother I've ever met has talked about needing one at some point or another. Mombies (zombie moms) are a real thing, people. We put milk in the cupboard, and place clean dishes in the freezer.

Ad failed to load

Trying To Function On Almost No Sleep For More Than Two Days Is Impossible


It's hard enough when you're at home, trying to take care of the kids and the house, but trying to function at work when one of these regressions hit? Yeah, I quit. I'll be productive when I start getting more than two consecutive hours of sleep again.

You Have To Sleep Train All Over Again


This is just from what I've heard, but yeah, sleep regressions basically mean all bets are off when it comes to sleep training. Did I mention how happy I am that my kids both co-slept with us?

You Can't Be Mad Because It's Not Your Baby's Fault


You may want to scream, you may want to bury your head under your pillow and ignore that child of yours, but you just can't. It's part of the developmental process, for most kids, and you just have to suck it up and put one exhausted foot in front of the other.

Ad failed to load

Your Baby Just Finally Cut A Tooth, And Then One These Hits


This is only an issue if your kid doesn't do well with teething. Naturally, neither of mine did, so it was really just one thing after another and I loved every single moment of it. (No I didn't. I cried a lot and ate mountains of chocolate.)

Your Baby Just Got Over A Cold, And Then One Of These Hits


This is often just for the babies in daycare or with older siblings. My first child didn't get sick until she was almost a year and a half old. My second was sick at four months, and eight months, and 13 months and, well, you get the picture. Between the teething, the illnesses, and the sleep regressions, I basically didn't get more than five hours of sleep a night for the first two years of my kids' lives.

Nothing Is Predictable About Them


If you search eight month sleep regression, you will also find nine month sleep regression and possibly also a 10 month regression, too. Basically, that kid can f*cking regress at any given time and just like they don't have any control over it, neither do you.

Ad failed to load

They Basically Last Forever


If you look up sleep regressions on Dr. Google, you'll see they can last anywhere between one to four weeks. What the ever-loving crap is that about? I can understand a range of a few weeks, but a whole month? Bullsh*t, kid.

You Lose All Personal Time


If you used to wake up early to get dishes done, or use nap time to shower, those days are over, my friend. My favorite sleep regressions are the ones that have the baby waking up every 15-20 minutes throughout the evening, while you're trying to decompress or read a book or watch a show or just, you know, get some sleep yourself.

The one good thing about sleep regressions? They only happen during the first few years of your kid's life. So batten down the hatches and ride out the storm, because it will come to an end. Eventually.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

6 Early Signs You're Going To Have A Short Labor, According To Experts

As far as I'm concerned, a short labor is right up there with winning the lottery in terms of lucky life events. (And when I was actually in labor, I would absolutely have traded a bucketful of lottery winnings for a speedier birth.) While some women…
By Kelly Mullen-McWilliams

Kids Will Love These TV Shows & Movies Coming To Netflix In March

You can always count on Netflix to keep it fresh: though there are already so many movies and shows to choose from, every month there's an influx of new content to keep your entire family entertained. As February enters its final weeks, it's time to …
By Megan Walsh

Here Are 10 Ways To Boost Your Baby's Immunity To The Flu

As I'm sure you've read in the thousands upon thousands of articles written about it this winter, the flu is spreading like wildfire and it's bad. Really bad. This strand of flu is the worst we've had in a very long time and it's the most widespread,…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Khloé Kardashian Asked Twitter About Her Bump, & Moms Totally Delivered

Like her younger sister Kylie Jenner, Khloé Kardashian managed to keep most of her pregnancy a sort-of secret. But unlike Jenner, Kardashian chose to publicly announce her pregnancy several months before the baby's due date. While there's no wrong wa…
By Sophie Hirsh

21 Moms Share The Most Surprising Part About Having A C-Section

Honestly, I don't think we, as a culture, talk about C-sections nearly enough, especially considering so many mothers experience them. And because of a number of factors, the little we do talk about it always seems to be a familiar narrative: "It's n…
By Jamie Kenney

13 Yummy Instant Pot Recipes To Make Under 30 Minutes

An Instant Pot seems to be the must-have appliance in every kitchen these days. If you are anything like me and never knew the beauty of a Instant Pot, you are about to have your life changed. Basically, you put some ingredients into a pot, set the t…
By Kristin Manna

9 Things The First Six Months Of Motherhood Will Teach You About Your Baby

Personally, the first six months of motherhood was a mixed bag. I learned some harsh lessons about myself that made taking care of my baby seem overwhelming. For example, I was clueless, and no amount of research could help me feel like anything but …
By Steph Montgomery

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack