11 Weird Things Every Mom Does When She's Putting On Makeup, Because #MomLife

As a tween, makeup (or related, lip balm-type products) were about feeling "fancy" and exciting and grown-up and very “pretty princess.” Now? Well, I have a toddler now, and I work from home, so I can go days without putting on makeup. This is not meant to be a complaint, my friends. Trust me; I’m totally fine not wearing makeup and when I finally do get around to pulling that shiny black bag out of the drawer, it feels like an automatic special occasion. It also feels odd, because there are some weird things that moms do when we put on makeup.

Yeah, I can admit it. Actually, and now that I really take the time to think about it (time I usually don't have, mind you), even putting makeup on can feel strange yet fancy; exciting yet a complete and total pain. Of course, now that I'm a mother, I no longer feel “pretty princess” fancy, but more like “perky happy hour attendee” fancy, which is pretty much the aesthetic I’m always shooting for (but rarely achieve).

While, I suppose there is plenty of room to do a deep dive into the feminist (or, not-so-feminist) discussion about moms and makeup, I'll just consider that another conversation for another day. Today’s conversation is about what a mom’s makeup routine might actually entail, including the parts that don't even involve makeup at all. Here’s what I suspect many of us experience, because motherhood is weird in and of itself, and putting on makeup (if you choose) is nothing more than are minder that "odd" is our "normal," now.

She Considers Introducing Her Kid To MakeUp

So, my son just turned two a couple months ago, and I assume I've got a ways to go before I need to get into makeup and appearances and expectations and all that jazz. In the meantime, I'm just trying not to let him think it's (another) something to color with.

She Wonders Why She Doesn’t Go Out More Often

I mean, I have everything I need to go out right here. Clothes, shoes, purse, toothbrush, and all these bottles and jars and compacts that are like three years old and still looking brand new because I rarely use them. What more could I ask for? I mean, aside from a live-in nanny and someone to clean my home and a professional, personal chef.

…Or, At Least, Puts On Makeup More Often

Are the effects of the makeup cancelled out if my leggings have applesauce smeared on the thighs? What if there are random stickers attached to my neck from this morning?

She Prevents Her Kid From Grabbing At It

The last thing any of us need is for you to aim that sharp thing at your eye, son. Trust me.

She Completely Botches All Complicated Techniques, Thanks To The Leg Grab

My son is still at the age when the leg grab is an adorable and welcome gesture (will it ever not be?) but that doesn't mean this adorable gesture doesn't happen at inopportune times. Specifically moments that involve liquid eyeliner.

She Daydreams About Glamorous Things

You know who else wears makeup? Kate Middleton. I wonder how many other things she and I have in common, or how I would fare joining her for a casual brunch date in downtown London during which we dish about our spouses and enjoy chilled mimosas. Man, that's the life.

She Has Flashbacks To More Makeup Heavy Times Of Life

Ah, high school and college and working in the professional world. Ah, every era of my womanly life that isn't the current one.

She Allows Her Kids To Do Something Ridiculous As Entertainment, So She Can Finish

"Here, son. Here is a medieval torture device known as an eyelash curler. Have at it. Just, like, leave me alone for five minutes."

She Thinks About All The Crafts Her Kids Could Do With Her Lipstick

The last time we tried finger painting, it didn't go super well. Perhaps something more waxy will do the trick?

She Considers All The Chemicals That Are Going To Smear On Her Kid

I'm from the Pacific Northwest, OK? I wouldn't be true to my roots if I didn't admit that I think about how organic this stuff is (or isn't).

She Thinks About The Feminist Messages She’s Sending

It's a confusing time we live in, guys. Sometimes I wish it was the '80s, when we could focus on which shade of electric blue was going on our eyelids. Instead, I can't help but think about the messages I'm sending to, well, everyone (but especially my son, who is always watching) when I put on a coat of lip gloss or mascara.

In the end, though, makeup makes me feel good and how I feel is important. So bring on the weird, you guys. I have some liquid eyeliner to try and apply.