12 Things Every New Mom Thinks During Labor That Definitely Don't Make You A Bad Mom

Ad failed to load

Not only does the intense physical strain of labor do incredible things to your body, it does some ridiculous things to your mind. It really is an otherworldly experience, that can turn a woman into an entirely different person. I, for one, became a expletive-wielding demon lady when I was in labor, up until I caved after 10 hours of drug-free contractions and asked for an epidural. In that time, and even after my epidural kicked in, I thought the things every new mom thinks during labor; the things that sound horrible in your mind and definitely out loud but, under no circumstances whatsoever, actually make you a horrible mom. I mean, you're bringing another human being into the world. You're allowed to think whatever the hell you want.

I tried my hand at a drug-free birth, but pregnancy and labor complications took that choice away from me after I tried my hand at a birthing ball, a lukewarm bath, walking the halls of the labor and delivery wing, and standing for hours on end while my partner rocked back and forth with me. I had an unconventional pregnancy, which is to say I was pregnant with twins but, sadly, lost one at 19 weeks. The deceased twin remained inside of my body, while my surviving twin continued to grow. The two made labor and delivery difficult, and the result was me waving the white flag and asking for every drug known to man, forgoing my plan of a drug-free labor an delivery for relief and rest. It also resulting in me thinking and saying some hilariously horrific things that, to this day, my partner doesn't allow me to forget (as if I could).

I had it in my head that I needed to view labor and delivery as this wonderful, amazing experience where I could be one with my body and mother earth and, well, you get the picture. I didn't think of labor and delivery that way, at all, when I was actually experiencing it though, and in no way did my thoughts between and during contractions make me a bad mother. No, it just made me a normal human being who was in a lot of pain and trying to get through it by any means necessary.

Ad failed to load

So, if you were like me and thought some crazy things when you in the middle of labor, have no fear. You're not a bad mom for any of those thoughts, you're just a great mom who was hurting so damn bad, her mind went to some crazy places.

Ad failed to load

"There's No Way This Is Worth It"


I knew the end result was going to be a baby, but when I was in the middle of a ten hour, drug-free labor, I was completely convinced that even the cutest kid in the history of kids, wasn't worth the pain. I mean, I could have pushed out a carbon copy of the Gerber baby, and I still wouldn't have been convinced the contractions were worth it. Nope. It was damn near impossible to see the forrest through the trees.

"I'm Leaving My Partner The Moment This Is Over..."


I love my partner dearly and he was wonderfully supportive during my labor and delivery process. Having said that, I hated him. Hated. Him. I needed someone to blame my pain and discomfort on and clearly that person wasn't going to be me, the consenting adult who decided to get pregnant, so I blamed him. I was going to leave him the moment I could walk without wanting to die, and never speak to the man who knocked me up, again.

"...Because This Is All Their Fault..."


It is our partner's fault. It was their idea or it was their sperm or it was their choice to be supportive when we got the stupid idea of procreating in the first place, and it's all their fault.

Ad failed to load

"...And I Hate Them. I Hate Them So Much."


I loved my partner but I hated my partner but I loved him when he brought me ice chips and rubbed my back but I hated him because the ice chips and the back rubs were necessary. He was great drawing the bath and helping me in the tub so I could try and labor the way I wanted, but he was the worst when the pain was too much and it was all his fault, I tell you. All his fault.

"Nope. I'm Just Going To Stay Pregnant Forever."


True story: I turned and looked at my favorite nurse and told her, "I don't want to do this anymore. Pack up my stuff and I will just stay pregnant." Obviously, that is not physically possible but I was dead serious. I didn't like being pregnant, but I didn't like labor and delivery even more.

"Someone Give Me All The Drugs"


I had plans of having a drug-free labor and delivery. I managed to go ten hours without an epidural, laboring with a birthing ball and trying my hand at a tub and walking around the hallways of the labor and delivery wing of our local hospital. Eventually, I waved the white flag and demanded every single damn narcotic available be provided to me immediately. They brought me an epidural and, well, I was much more pleasant.

Ad failed to load

"I'll Never Forgive My Baby For This"


Look, now that my son is born and bordering on two-years-old, I don't blame him for the pain I experienced when bringing him into the world. The kid was just minding his own business. However, in the moment, I was fixated on bringing up the pain I was feeling at every birthday and prom and potential date and graduation and even the wedding he may or may not decide to have one day. I was never, ever, going to let him forget it.

"My Baby Better Be Cute"


If I'm going through this trouble and my kid comes out with a cone head, I am going to be pissed. (Of course, he did come out with a cone head because most kids do and he was just the most adorable anyway.)

"What In The Ever-Loving Hell Was I Thinking?"


Like, who in their right mind decides to have a child? This was the dumbest idea I have ever had, and I used to wear JNCOs.

Ad failed to load

"Screw The Drugs, Someone Render Me Unconscious"


There was only one anesthesiologist available while I was laboring, so when I decided to go ahead and get an epidural, I had to wait. I was seriously asking someone to skip the epidural and just hit me upside the head with a large metal object. I wanted to feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"I Am Never Doing This Again"


I swore, in the middle of some very painful contractions, that I would never put myself through labor and delivery again. Ever. My kid would be an only child and would just have to learn to play with kids on the playground because yeah, no way was I going to do this again.

Of course, time is a funny thing and tends to smooth over the rough edges that were pain and discomfort and fear, and my partner and I are already considering another one. Yes, I'm an idiot.

"Yeah, It Was Worth It. Maybe."


And then, of course, when it is all over and your little is in your arms, all the pain and the anxiety and the exhaustion and the fear and the ridiculous thoughts that helped you get through it, become instantly worth it. Would you want to labor again, like relatively soon? Of course not (unless you like labor an delivery, in which case you're a goddess amongst mere mortals). But does a brand new baby that you grew and pushed out of you make everything worth it? Surprisingly, yes.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

7 Things A Mom Really Means When She Says She Doesn't Want Anything On Mother's Day

Every year my family asks me what I want for Mother's Day, and every single year I tell them the same thing: Nothing. So, by now, they know that when I say "nothing" I absolutely do not mean "nothing." In fact, there are more than a few things a mom …
By Candace Ganger

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

13 Unique (& Totally Not Mainstream) Mother's Day Gifts For The Hipster Mom

Hipsters thrive on being outside the norm and not really digging anything considered "mainstream." Whether it's in their fashion, what music they listen to, the books they read, or how they enjoy beverages, there's just something that makes them dist…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Here's How To Introduce Your Pet To Your Baby & Make Everything As Calm As Possible

Our home, which we lovingly refer to as “the funny farm,” is filled with four-legged family members. We have two crazy beagles and two cat jerks, and boy are they loved and spoiled. (As they should be.) But we are now finally having a baby of our own…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Here's The Right Birth Method For You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

If you're pregnant, you've probably given childbirth some serious thought. Some moms-to-be prepare a meticulous birth plan, while others are comfortable just going with the flow. And me? Well, I made a plan... but that plan was useless when faced wit…
By Steph Montgomery

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills