13 Reasons Why Taking Your Kid To The Park Is The Absolute Worst

By
Share
Ad failed to load

A perfect park visit with a young kid, or young kids, often involves gorgeous weather, a handcrafted coffee beverage of some kind, and cheerful moods that are never interrupted by skinned knees, bullies on the jungle gym, or unforeseen bouts of hunger and exhaustion. It’s a rare gift, really; one that rarely appears in my everyday life because, let’s be honest, taking your kids to the park is the worst. It’s rarely as good as I think it’ll be.

I mean, if I knew that it would just be me and my son, frolicking in the grass, swinging on the swings, and counting turtles in the pond, I’d be down to take him to the park every single day and as long as the weather permits. I mean, we could all use more frolicking in our lives, so why wouldn’t I? Unfortunately, it’s not always that simple. Other people are there or the turtles won’t come out or the playground is closed off for maintenance or I forgot something important, like water, or sunscreen, or the name of the son of the woman who I’m seeing for the third time this week, even though she always remembers the name of mine. The park is hard, you guys. So. Freakin'. Hard.

Can it be worth the effort and potential public toddler tantrum? Sure, but I like being realistic about motherhood, which includes succumbing to the undeniable fact that taking my kid to the park is (usually) an absolute mess. Here are a few more reasons why, because hey; at least I'm trying, right?:\

Ad failed to load

The Small Talk With Other Parents

giphy

Yes, of course I enjoy having genuine conversations with genuine people. However, that's not always an option when we're both half-paying attention to our own kids and trying to hide the fact that they're still in their pajamas.

The Germs

giphy

Admittedly, I'm getting better about this particular downside as my son gets older. Still, I've seen how many toddlers freely sneeze all over the slide, and it's not a low number.

The Dangerous Ways Kids Like To Play

giphy

Please tell me that my son is not the only one who likes to peer over the edge of extremely tall things. Sure, I get it, what's actually arm's length for me is like five times his height, and that makes it exciting. Still, that doesn't mean I like doubling as an Olympic spotter.

Ad failed to load

The Dirt

giphy

Not to be confused with the germs, the dirt can actually be seen on their clothes, feet, and under their fingernails. Somehow, the fact that I can see the dirt makes it worse.

The Repetitive Options For Play

giphy

Oh, cool, you're tired of this slide? Great, let's go try, um, that other slide.

The Rule That Says That Whenever You're Not "Dressed Up," You’ll Run Into People

giphy

The baseball hat and ponytail look can only get one so far. My favorite hack is to add lipstick into the mix and all of a sudden the look because sporty and glamorous.

Ad failed to load

The Extra Toys Your Kid Can’t Take Home

giphy

I'm sure the families that donate their trucks to the neighborhood sandbox are comprised of lovely people. I mean, how could they not be? They are literally donating toys to neighborhood kids. That said, sometimes I hate them.

You Will Forget Something

giphy

Please, please, please don't let it be my phone. I need it for, the um, safety calls. Oh, and pictures. That's it, safety and pictures. I don't need it for anything else at all, especially not when I'm sitting by myself on a bench.

The Actual Amount Of Time You'll Spend With Your Kid? Not As Much As You Think

giphy

Unless, of course, I want to tether him to me waist or use one of those kid leashes. At this moment in my life, I can't say that I do.

Ad failed to load

Other Families Feed The Ducks And Confuse Your Kid When You've Told Them No

giphy

I don't having anything to say about this that doesn't sound really grouchy, so I'll just settle with this factual statement: There are signs everywhere that tell you not to feed the ducks, Teresa.

The Extreme Hunger That Will Inevitably Strike

giphy

It doesn't matter if we ate a gigantic breakfast right before we left. Approximately five minutes after arriving, we'll suddenly be on the brink of starvation and fresh out of applesauce pouches.

The. Swings. Are. Always. Full.

giphy

Perhaps they're always full because we've all waited like 45 freakin' minutes for our kid's turn? I understand the desire to not require them to rush through it, but get it together.

Ad failed to load

The Jungle Gyms Are Not Suitable For Adults

giphy

If only they were, right? It would almost make it all worth it.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

8 Things That *Will* Go Wrong Every Time You Plan A Kid-Free Night

The last time my husband and I went out to dinner alone was… actually, I can’t remember. But I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen a movie in a theater in the last year. Before we had children we used to go out all the time. But even with …
By Liza Wyles

These Photos Of North West Then & Now Will Take You On A Sweet Trip Down Memory Lane

When Kim Kardashian welcomed her first daughter, North West, with her husband, Kanye West, in 2013, her whole life was changed. The social media and reality TV star became a mom for the first time and her Instagram presence took a very adorable turn.…
By Casey Suglia

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

This Is What It Means If Your Pregnancy Test Changes Overnight

The time between when a woman suspects she might be pregnant and when it is confirmed for sure is the longest of her life. Regardless of whether you are hoping for a positive or a negative result, the odds are good that you are sweating bullets when …
By Shannon Evans

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

This Woman Thought She Had An Eyelash Stuck In Her Eye. Then It Moved.

I'm not a person who is easily icked out. As a kid, I collected bugs and thought I was going to be an entomologist and asked Santa Claus for ant farms and nets to catch bees. I'm still super curious about anything that flies and crawls, which might s…
By Karen Fratti

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

11 Ways Your Pregnancy Will Be Different If You Have A Boy Vs A Girl

If you've been pregnant before, you might start comparing your previous pregnancies to that of your current pregnancy. A lot of things can change from pregnancy to pregnancy, based on a whole host of different factors (including how well you remember…
By Lauren Schumacker

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

12 Moms Share How They Stay Healthy During Flu Season

Unfortunately, we're in the middle of the roughest flu seasons in recent memory. And we’re not totally out of the woods, either. People around the country are still getting the flu, and, sadly, some of them are having to be hospitalized due to flu-re…
By Priscilla Blossom

8 "Mistakes" I'm Glad I Made During My First Pregnancy

As an adult, I've learned you never really stop hating being told what to do. When I was pregnant I was getting instructions at every turn, from doctors, relatives, and complete strangers on the subway. I would nod and smile but then go about making …
By Liza Wyles

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack