13 Texts Every Mom Sends Her Babysitter The First Time She Goes Out

Ad failed to load

There comes a time in every mother’s life (maybe 1 month after their baby is born, maybe a year) when she sheds her stained yoga pants, puts on some eyeliner, and gets out of the house for something other than work. This will be an evening she will look forward to for weeks before it actually happens and, simultaneously, she will dread it for weeks before it actually happens. Leaving your baby for the first time is tough, people, even if you desperately want to. As such, there are texts every mom sends her babysitter her first night out, because the only way to get through it is to simply "lean in."

There’s a lot that factors to take into account when weighing the excitement and nervousness of a new mom's first night out. (There should be an adorable scrap book for “Mommy’s First Night Out,” sold right alongside baby books, no?) On the excitement end, to quote Rafiki from The Lion King, “It is time!” If you were pregnant, you spent 40 or more weeks sans the ability to party, and that's to say nothing of the various physical maladies you may or may not have suffered that, well, made going to bed at 8:30 far preferable to a fun night out. Add to that the weeks, months, or years you have spent in service of a shrieking dictator who really doesn’t care (at all) about your emotional of physical wellbeing and, well, mama needs to bust out of there yesterday.

On the other hand, this is a tiny, beloved being that you have dedicated the rest of your life to protecting, who was quite possibly living inside of you up until recently. So, the idea of handing them off to someone else when you don’t strictly-speaking “have to” (even though you so, so have to), no matter how trustworthy or kind the other person is, can be upsetting. Thankfully, this is the 21st century, folks, and we have ways of dealing with that anxiety. Ways, for example, like texting your incredibly kind babysitter the following things:

Ad failed to load

Ad failed to load

The Courtesy Text

This is both normal and expected. Sort of like a sound check before a concert, you have to make sure things are running smoothly early on so that the rest of the evening can be as awesome for everyone involved. This casual text is a signal to your babysitter that you want to make sure they’re comfortable, and it gives them the opportunity to ask any last minute questions they may have forgotten to ask before you left. (And, of course, it reveals you to be a nervous parent leaving your baby for a social engagement for the first time ever, which is normal and expected, too.)

Communication Is Key

Back in the day, before the ubiquity of cell phones, this information would have been clutch because a babysitter would have needed to know exactly where to call in order to contact parents in case of emergency. Nowadays, it really doesn’t matter where you're going. Sure, it’s still a good idea to share this information but, let’s be honest, it’s not crucial 99% of the time.

A Parent's Version Of Appropriate Dinner Conversation

When you’re a mom, poop stops being a taboo subject pretty quickly. Because not only are you constantly changing diapers, but when you have a non-verbal child you get clues about what’s going on with them however you can. And, well, babies cry, sleep, and poop. That’s pretty much it. So poop is one of the main things you’re going to analyze to make sure all is well. The fact that your mind drifted to baby feces during a fun evening out, enough to prompt you to text your sitter, is normal. Like, it's still weird, but normal.

Ad failed to load

The Extra Courtesy Text

Again, your sitter knows this is a big night for you on several levels and for several reasons. They still thing your consideration and worry is cute (at this point.)

What If I Forget What They Look Like?

This is normal, but also a little crazy. I have absolutely done this, so no judgment from me, but I can admit that it’s sort of ridiculous. Look, sometimes, even though you’re only gone for a little while, and even though you’re going to be back before you know it, you miss your baby. We live in an instant gratification culture that enables us to get what we want, often in a matter of seconds. So, to the babysitters of the world fielding these silly requests: thank you and bless you for humoring us.

OMG How Could I Forget?!

Some things become so second nature to you, as a mom, that you take them for granted and completely forget to mention anything about it in your instructions to your sitter. (If you’re a Type A, Leslie Knope type like me, they are typed out and put in some kind of a binder and no I’m not kidding.) You will send this text in a flurry of panic, but chances are it was never going to be an issue for and your sitter would have figured it out on their own.

Ad failed to load

Another Check-In Disguised As A Pointed Concern

You may think you’re being sneaky by bringing up a pointed question (about a feeding, a bath, a nap, whatever), but you’re really just checking in for reassurance. I mean, think about it: if there was a serious problem, the sitter would call you. You don’t actually need to know how a feeding went. You’re just hoping for additional information or, you know, another picture.

You Have Officially Stopped Being Courteous

You include the “lol” because even you know this is absurd, but the "lol" isn't helping. It’s intended to be self-deprecating, but it’s really only coming across as the crazy-eyed, maniacal laugh of a woman obsessed. It’s at about this point that the person or people you’re out with, start to comment on how much you’re texting.

Second Guessing Your Preparations

Even though you know, know, in your heart and mind, that you have left more than enough food for your child (or blankets, or whatever your specific case may be), there will come a point where you’ll think “But what if…”

Ad failed to load

Second Guessing Your Life

You know you’ve actually gone insane and past the point of reason, but you can’t stop your fingers from texting. At this point your companion will probably try to wrestle the phone away and you will wound them terribly and, well, they shouldn't have kept you from checking in on your baby.

The Catch 22

Here’s the thing with this one: you want the answer to be “yes” and “no” in almost equal measure. Obviously you hope everything went smoothly for both your sitter and your child. You never want to see your baby unhappy. You also don’t want to feel guilty for taking a little bit of time for yourself. At the same time, the idea that someone other than you (and/or your partner, if applicable) can cuddle your child to dreamland is, well, a little anxiety-inducing. If they didn’t cry, does that mean they didn’t miss you? Does it mean you aren’t necessary? And if the baby didn’t cry for the sitter but routinely cries when you try to settle them down, does that mean you’re actually doing something wrong? Your mind races a million miles an hour analyzing the possible answers (and what they need) to these unnecessary, and unkind, questions.

Courtesy Is Dead And You Have Killed It

Girl, I’m going to be real with you a minute here: you got out of the house specifically so that you wouldn’t have to deal with these issues. Relax. Once your dinner companion has bandaged their bleeding hand (remember the one you bit or maybe even stabbed?), allow them to take your phone away.

Ad failed to load

Freedom: Even More Delicious Than That Dessert You Just Split

At a certain point, you will remember how much you enjoy being out without 27 pounds of baby equipment, and you will want more. So, dinner turns into dinner and a nightcap or two.

You’ve earned it, mom. Enjoy.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

These Millennial Parents Are Taking Gender-Neutral Parenting To An Entirely New Level

A woman on the subway looks at my bulbous shape and asks, “What are you having?” I take a deep breath and throw a glance to my 5-year-old. “I’m having a baby,” I say to the woman. “No, no” the woman says laughing as she pushes further. “Are you havin…
By Madison Young

I’m Registered At Babies “R” Us, & I'm Freaking The Hell Out

Hi. My name is Abi, and I’m registered at Babies “R” Us — and I’m freaking out. This may sound silly, but after being a die-hard Toys “R” Us kid, I was so excited to register at their baby store once my husband and I finally got our big fat positive …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

My Daughter Is Obsessed With Being "Pretty" & I'm Way Past Terrified

Last week, when I picked up my daughter after school, she immediately wanted to know if I liked her hair. "Is it pretty?" she asked. Her hair was pulled up into two ponytails that were intertwined into thick, long braids. A shimmering pink and purple…
By Dina Leygerman

7 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 20s, But I Will

I was 24 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. The pregnancy was a surprise, since I was on birth control (side note: antibiotics and birth control don't mix), but my partner and I decided to continue with the pregnancy and committed to m…
By Candace Ganger

Women Who Miscarry Early Deserve To Grieve — Here's How Hospitals Should Be Helping

When I lost my baby back in 2013, it was because of a very early miscarriage. Because of the little amount of time I spent being pregnant, it was though my child had never really existed, which made the next few years hard — I felt like they had been…
By Risa Kerslake

7 Things I Wish My Partner Had Said To Me In The First Hour After Giving Birth

I don't know if it was the buzz of the surrounding machines, the non-existent cry of our son as the doctors tried to resuscitate him, or the fact that I'd already been through labor and delivery once before, but I knew something was missing after I h…
By Candace Ganger

Moms’ Groups Weren’t For Me, Sorry

I go to my moms’ club everyday of the week, but not usually on weekends. My moms' group is a place I can always count on finding fellow mothers who understand the daily struggles and triumphs of parenthood and of juggling life’s responsibilities. Dep…
By Samantha Taylor

Millennial Women Are Getting Married Later Than Gen X, & The Reasons Why Are Pretty Badass

The battle of the generations seems to come up when it comes to every lifestyle or career choice people make. Women, especially, are an important demographic when it comes to analysts looking at the lifestyle choices we make or the expected milestone…
By Josie Rhodes Cook

I've Had 3 Miscarriages But *Please* Keep Telling Me About Your Pregnancy

I can feel the tension the moment my friend announces her pregnancy. I can hear the forced nonchalant attitude she's willing herself to exude as she fishes for the ultrasound. I know why I was the last to learn that she was expecting; why she keeps l…
By Danielle Campoamor

7 Early Signs You're Going To Need An Epidural, According To Experts

Even if you've constructed an elaborate birth plan, it's impossible to control every aspect of labor and delivery. Complications can occur, proactive measures might be necessary, and your mind is subject to change when those damn contractions really …
By Candace Ganger

I'm Pregnant & I Refuse To Read Any Parenting Books

I didn't read any parenting books when I was expecting my daughter, and I refuse to read any parenting books as I await my second child now. I'm the first to admit that I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to raising my daughter. A good d…
By Marie Southard Ospina

7 Reasons Why March Babies Are Total Badasses

From the moment you become pregnant, you begin to wonder what your little one will be like. Will they look like you, your partner, or your Great Aunt Edna? Will they be the quiet, thoughtful type or arrive on this planet raring to go? It's fun to ima…
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

12 Overnight Face Masks To Use To Wake Up Feeling Pampered AF

Spring is right around the corner, and as far as I'm concerned, the sunshine and warm breezes can't come soon enough. But now that we're about to say goodbye to winter, it's a good time to take stock of your facial skincare routine. You know, in the …
By Katie Malczyk

11 Essential Products To Pack In Your Hospital Bag, According To OB-GYNs

The minute you go into labor (or think you're going into labor), chaos ensues. You and your partner are likely to get a little frantic, just like in the movies, so you most definitely want to have a hospital bag packed before the day comes. This prec…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

7 Photos You *Must* Take In The First 6 Months Of Motherhood

In my experience, becoming a mom is like becoming an amateur photographer. There's just something about the need to capture every single coo and sorta-smile that leaves you obsessed with all things photography. I know I couldn't stop taking selfies w…
By Candace Ganger

Here's How Early An Ultrasound Can Actually Determine Your Baby's Sex

From the moment you see those two lines on a pregnancy test, there are a few markers along the way that stand out as especially exciting. Amongst them are hearing your baby's heartbeat and feeling that first, sweet little kick. And if you are finding…
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

9 Easy Kid Foods To Turn Green, Just In Time For St. Patrick's Day

The best part about having kids is that you get your own personal crew to celebrate the holidays with, in all your color coordinating and matching glory. And with St. Patrick’s Day right around the corner, you are obviously working on turning everyth…
By Mishal Ali Zafar

Here Are Some Conditions That Might Require You To Be On Bed Rest During Pregnancy

When I worked in an office, I worked with quite a few pregnant ladies all at the same time. Something must have been in the water, because while I was there for three years, two of my coworkers got pregnant twice, and another girl was pregnant with h…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

I Didn't Follow The Pregnancy Diet Rules & My Daughter Turned Out Just Fine

My diet is an ever-changing and wholly personal thing, which is precisely why I refused to follow any pregnancy diet rules when I was expecting my daughter. For years, I've essentially practiced intuitive eating, in that I listen to my body and eat w…
By Marie Southard Ospina

5 Foods You & Your Partner Should Eat If You're Trying To Get Pregnant

When you're trying to conceive (TTC) and it's just not happening, it's easy to feel like you're doing something wrong. It can be soul-crushing to keep seeing negatives when all you really want to do is wave a positive pregnancy test in the air. So wh…
By Kate Miller