14 Things Your Baby Is Thinking During A Diaper Change

Ad failed to load

Does anyone else out give their baby an imaginary train of thought, especially when you're in the middle of an otherwise mundane task? Well, I do. My partner and I are constantly attributing dialogue to our son that he’s definitely not saying out loud. Is this fair? Mmm, that’s debatable. But is it entertaining? Yes, yes it is. Recently, I've been imagining what a baby thinks during a diaper change, and using my son's (probable?) internal dialogue to quell my curiosity.

You’d assume that, two years in, I’d be smoother at swapping out my kid's pee pants, but as he gets more mobile I get more clumsy. It’s probably a good his speaking skills reflect his age (two years old) because if he was better at articulating his thoughts, he’d surely put me in my place. I mean, he hasn’t figured out eye rolls yet, but he’s already given his dad a few masterful side eyes at my expense, which makes me both proud and afraid.

To be fair, all of this is speculation and I’m not trying to put words in my son’s mouth. I very much look forward to the day that he can articulate his own thoughts, so he can start owning his emotions and body and sense of self. But, until that day, I can only imagine how tired he is after years of diaper changes, and what that frustration must sound like in his head.

Ad failed to load

So, let's just imagine for a moment that we’re in our baby’s shoes, and take a dive in the rabbit hole of what is going through their mind during a change:

Ad failed to load

“Please Hurry. I’m A Ticking Time Bomb.”


Of course a gentle baby would never threaten to make a mess during a diaper change on purpose. Of course he wouldn't. I mean, not my perfect pudgy babe, right? I mean, whenever it does happen (and it definitely does happen) he just looks at me with a pseudo confused look on his face like, "who, me?"

"It's Cold"


This one is completely understandable and I'm sure my son thinks this on the regular. We wear pants for a multitude of reasons, including warmth (and even though pants can be the worst). I promise, son, I'm hurrying.

"I'm Bored"


Trust me, there are like fifty thousand things I'd rather be doing right now, too. You can give me these 90 seconds so that you don't continually smell like a garbage can full of last night's dinner.

Ad failed to load

"Can You Hand Me, Like, A Book Or A Toy Or Something?"


Sure, yes, here you go please stay calm and stop kicking and squirming. Here is a book! And a toy! And more books! More toys! Confetti shower everywhere! Please just stay still!

"No, Seriously, It's Really Cold"


Oh, right yes, we already covered this. But we can't put your pants back on yet, so, sorry?

"Please Consider Investing In A Wipe Warmer"


Noted. Thanks for saying "please."

Ad failed to load

"I Don't Like The Snaps, Either. You'd Think We'd Have Something Different By Now. They Can Put A Man On The Moon, But They Can't Make Those Easier? It Makes No Sense."


Well, since we've already established your future as a physicist/astronaut/doctor/entrepreneur/rock star (no pressure, I love you, I just want you to be happy), I know you or the teams of people you employ will be all over this someday. But, for now, yes; unsnapping and snapping seventeen thousand little snaps to change your diaper is a necessity. Trust me, dear one, it bugs the you-know-what out of me, too.

"My Toes Are In The Same Place They’ve Always Been, Why Do You Keep Asking?


Because it's super cute to see you point them out. Just go with it, please. This opportunity isn't going to stick around forever.

"I Don’t Know Why You’re So Excited About My Tummy. It’s Just A Tummy. I Show It To You All The Time."


Because there has never been a cuter tummy in the history of tummies, okay? I don't ask for much.

Ad failed to load



Ask and you shall receive.



As hard as it is to carry a tune while dealing with these straps, I will do it for you, son.

If You Don’t Hurry, I’m Going To Roll Over And Grab My Dirty Diaper, Just For Kicks"


Challenge accepted. Mom just needs ten more seconds, please. Oh god, please don't actually roll over. Oh, my carpet. Yep, it's ruined. So ruined.

Ad failed to load

"Watch Me Jump Off The Changing Table And Pretend This Wipe Is A Parachute!"


This was not and never will be part of the deal. Get it together, kid.

"The Time It's Taking You To Change Me Has Given Me A Chance To Consider Some Of The Great Ethical Quandaries Of Our Time. What Is Life? What Is Love? What Is My Purpose On This Planet? How Do I Find My Talents And My Voice And Use Them For Good? I Suppose Wearing Pants With An Elephant Face On The Bottom Is A Good Start."


Right, yes, okay. Let's come back to that one during your next diaper change, shall we? I mean, I'm going to need some time to think.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

15 Baby Names With Unique Nicknames, So Your Family Has Options

I love a good diminutive name, also known as a nickname. I believe I’m partial to them because of my own name, Abigale, but I go by Abi. And since they’re both uniquely spelled, everyone thinks my name is pronounced Ah-bee for some reason — but even …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

The Entire Family Can Enjoy These Movies & Shows Coming To Netflix In June

It's just one of those sad facts of life: every month, shows and movies vanish from Netflix, their varied excitements no longer at your fingertips. But luckily the streaming service is always prepared to fill that content void with lots of new things…
By Megan Walsh

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills