19 Funny St. Patrick's Day Quotes To Spread The Luck Of The Irish


March brings a lot of wonderful things like the start of Spring and the ability to wear shorts again, but it also brings us the day where everyone magically turns Irish ― St. Patrick's Day. It's the one day of the year where green beer isn't considered some kind of non-compliant with the FDA travesty, but a necessity. And drinking it at 8 a.m.? Totally acceptable it seems. Everyone dons their green, plastic hats, laughs at funny St. Patrick's Day quotes, and wakes up on March 18 with a terrible hangover and blurry, regretful memories.

Yet so many people celebrate it again and again, year after year. What is it about St. Patrick's Day? Is it because it's a valid excuse to drink all day and deck yourself out in green, or is it because the Irish spirit is so friendly and fun, that everyone wants to pretend to have the same genes? Whether you're celebrating St. Patrick's Day just for kicks, or you're really meaning to drink one in honor of the patron Saint of Ireland, these 19 funny St. Patrick's Day quotes are a mood.

So pick up some green food coloring, maybe stock up on Advil, and enjoy your St. Paddy's day like the responsible adult you are.

1. The Dad Joke


“Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.” — Daryl Stout

2. Oh, Holy Day Drinking

"St. Patrick's Day is a holy day for Roman Catholics in Ireland to pray and a day for drunk people to vomit with their pants down." — Margot Leitman

3. Consider The Introverts

"Making [St. Patrick's Day] a great day for the Irish but just an OK day if you're looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read or have a white wine spritzer." — Jon Stewart

4. Origin Story

"St. Patrick's Day is named for Saint Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake." ― Conan O'Brien

5. Big Spender

“It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money!” — St. Patrick’s Day Toast

6. A Pleasant Surprise?

"Ooh, it's been St. Patrick's Day for hours and I'm still not drunk yet." ― Homer Simpson

7. OK, Boomer

“We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English” ― Winston Churchill

8. It’s That Time Of Year

"Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls, and then you leave the house and things get bad." ― Greg Fitzsimmons

9. Slainte

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"Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one!" ― St. Patrick's Day Toast

10. The Unexpected Crowd

"There’s a rabbi with a shillelagh, there’s a McCormack named Sean. There’s an Indian dude playing bagpipes, there’s a Chinese leprechaun. Nobody’s here from Ireland! Nobody’s here from Ireland, that’s for sure." ― Jimmy Fallon

11. Happy Holidays

"I come from an Irish Family. St. Patrick's Day was our big holiday. The night before we'd hang up our stockings and in the morning they'd be full of beer." ― Sean Morey

12. Not Your Typical Saint

"St. Patrick: one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish." ― Charles M. Madigan

13. Pros & Cons

"Pro: It's an Irish tradition to kiss the Blarney Stone. Con: It's an American tradition to buy a green plastic hat at CVS." ― Jimmy Fallon

14. Snake Eyes

"Who's this Patrick anyway? The patron saint of liquor distributors? Here's the real truth, he didn't get rid of snakes in Ireland. He just got rid of the ones he was seeing." — Lewis Black

15. Color Scheme

"Let's drink green beer! Let's do green Jello shots! Where's your St. Patrick's Day spirit?"

"We're drinking green tea." ― How I Met Your Mother

16. Greetings From Scranton

"It's St. Patrick's Day. Here in Scranton, St. Patty's day is a big deal. It is the closest the Irish will ever have to Christmas." ― The Office

17. Mic Drop

"Yo, my palms are sweaty, corned beef can’t stand steady, falling on my sweater already, green confetti I’m burping, but on purpose I keep forgettin’ to throw up." ― Jimmy Fallon

18. Love Language

Now for most of us, this lusty and raucous celebration means one thing above all else. Gathering with rowdy friends to convivially overindulge in that nectar of the gods, bicarbonate of soda. — Ana Gasteyer and Rachel Dratch as Margaret Jo McCullin and Lynn Bershad on Saturday Night Live

19. Miracles

“I don’t really know much about Saint Patrick but judging by the way people honor him, his most famous miracle must’ve been turning nine pints of beer into 10 pints of vomit.” — Trevor Noah

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