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You Need These 21 Hilarious Instagram Captions For All Your Wildest Weekends

In these restless and divisive times, there's at least one thing just about everyone can agree on, regardless of age, race, political leanings, religion, or Netflix streaming preference: We all love weekends. Those 48 hours of freedom are to be cherished, savored and — for many of us — commemorated on social media with a weekend-themed Instagram caption. Because why shouldn't the world know how psyched you are about the best part of the week?

Whether your weekend plans consist of grabbing a drink with the girls, hitting the beach with the kids, catching up on housework and food shopping, or sneaking some extra sleep in the morning, there's bound to be a caption to match your mood. There are also plenty of Sunday-evening witticisms that capture the where did the time go? regret we always feel when Monday looms ahead. (Being able to laugh about it helps. A little.)

So get out your cell and snap a selfie at the shore, the pub, the brunch spot, the wedding, the mall, or in bed, and add one of these funny weekend Instagram captions to preserve those precious moments. You'll find it helps to look back at them during the endless Monday-through-Friday grind.



This sums up your feelings of relief in one short and snappy pun.


My goal this weekend is to move just enough so that nobody thinks I'm dead.

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This one's for all of you who are so wiped out from the week that your most strenuous exercise will be opening your eyes.


Today is Saturday, which means that I will be multi-slacking instead of multi-tasking.

Errands? Housework? Answering texts? Later. Saturdays were made for procrastinating.


Saturday is for shopping. (Online, and in bed.)

Aren't we lucky to live in an age where we can order up just about anything without having to go near a brick-and-mortar store? Especially on the weekend.


Me: Yo, weekend! Let's go out! Bank account: Sure thing. You can afford "Couch, party of one."

For those between-payday weekends when you can either have a great time, or you can eat. Not both.


The only thing getting "lit" this weekend are my scented candles.

Not everyone goes wild on the weekend. Post this along with a selfie of you relaxing with said candle by your side.


It's Friday — time to go make stories for Monday.

Because it's always so depressing to answer the inevitable "What did you do this weekend?" question with "Not much."


Weekends are like rainbows. They look great from a distance, but when you get close, they start to disappear.

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If only both of them could last forever... but then, if they did, neither rainbows nor weekends would be special, would they?


"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless." — Bill Watterson

This comes from Watterson's brilliant Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, and little Calvin was always wise beyond his years.


Forecast for this weekend: Crafting with a chance of chocolate.

The very caption for all the knitters, jewelry-makers, and scrapbookers out there. And that chance of chocolate? Make it 99 percent.


I haven't been this excited about Friday since last Friday.

And if you recall, we were pretty darn stoked about last Friday, too.


It's Saturday, which means that the only decision you should be making is whether to have a glass or a bottle of wine.

Women friends enjoying white wine and taking selfies while smiling and laughing at wine barShutterstock

Tough choice, I know.


It's the weekend. This is as dressed as I get!

Unless you're attending a wedding or going out to dinner, your slouchy clothes or PJs will do just fine, thanks.


I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Wouldn't that be awesome? But what would we call it? Would we stick with the planetary theme? Let's see... Jupiterday, Venusday, Neptuneday, Uranus... um, never mind.


Ah, Sunday, the day of rest. REST of the laundry, REST of the house, and REST of all the other stuff I put off on Saturday!

Anyone besides me ever wake up on Sunday morning thinking, "Aaagh! Look at all the stuff I have to do!"


Sundays should come with a pause button.

If we can DVR Stranger Things for a later viewing and put Peppa Pig on hold so the kids can use the bathroom, why shouldn't we be able to freeze a few hours of weekend time? Someone get on this, please.


I swear it was Friday like five minutes ago.

This is the caption to use when you're convinced that time actually accelerates in the 48 hours between Friday night and Sunday night. Didn't Einstein write something about that?


It's not Sunday unless you waste the entire day and then feel really depressed around 8:00 PM.

Depressed woman sitting on the bed. she is exhausted and suffering from insomniaShutterstock

The trouble with spending the day of rest actually resting is that it leads to blaming yourself for being unproductive. But this caption at least lets you laugh about it.


Can we start the weekend over again? I wasn't ready.

Adult life should be able to follow a 7-year-old's rules. It's Sunday? Do-over! Do-over!


Three-day weekends are a great opportunity to cancel even more plans than usual.

The caption for those of us who get psyched about going out and doing things... in theory.


Three-day weekends would be perfect if they were just four days longer.

If only we lived in that kind of perfect world. Sigh.