Nati/Fotolia

26 Moms Reveal The Grossest Thing They've Done For Their Kids

By
Share
Ad failed to load

In my nine years of parenting, I’ve learned a few things. For example, things are always easier if you can stay calm, every stage of parenting is different, and my love for my children is unlimited. So much so, in fact, that I’ve done some really disgusting things for them. I’ve collected fecal samples, inserted suppositories, combed lice out of their hair, pulled a live tick out of my toddler’s butt, and held my asthmatic baby upright nightly while he coughed and vomited all over me. I know I'm not alone, so I asked other parents to share the grossest thing they've done for their kids, too. True to form, they didn't disappoint.

They did, however, seriously gross me out. ME. You know, the woman with five kids! It takes a lot to make my stomach uneasy, but these parents succeeded in spectacularly disgusting fashion. It seems that a parent's love knows no bounds, including a willingness to help kids poop, catch vomit in your bare hands, pull things out of noses, sort through their poop, and suck snot out of their ridiculously tiny noses. Now, I’m not saying we, as parents, enjoy these “special" moments, but we are and will always be willing to go the extra mile for our kids, and (apparently) in the most horrifying ways imaginable. Parenthood is so not for the weak of heart, or for those with weak stomachs.

Read on, if you dare, for the grossest things people have done for their kids. Let's just say that being a number one mom means becoming intimately acquainted with number two.

Ad failed to load

Kacie

Giphy

"My daughter was super congested and wouldn’t let the Nose Frida anywhere near her nose, so I sucked the boogers out with my mouth."

Erinn

"Dug through poop every day for a week hoping to find the swallowed quarter."

Kimberly

Giphy

"Kid got Norovirus right after I did. I was barely recovered, pregnant, and home alone. I was holding a bag trying to catch vomit, and holding [my daughter's] poop in my hand as I carried my 3-year-old to the tub. I then hand-washed a poop and vomit covered child in my soaker tub. Repeat for two days."

Ad failed to load

Erin

"At ski lessons, my 5 year-old had a giant booger hanging out of his nose, no Kleenex, and I didn't want him to have said giant booger stuck on his sleeve all day, so I wiped it away with my bare hand and then had to figure out what to do with it."

Mallory

Giphy

"I caught poop in my hands, because it seemed easier to wash my hands than wash the car seat."

Fiona

"The other day my dear child threw their new toothbrush into the toilet, while I was using it. Thanks for making me fish around in my own pee, buddy."

Ad failed to load

Carol

Giphy

My autistic 7-year-old is toilet training. He didn't want to go in the toilet, so he dropped a log down the bathroom heater vent. I got to fish that out, while the furnace was blasting the smell right at my face."

Benji

"Once my toddler — when she was about 14-months-old — ran up to me and very excitedly handed me something. I had no idea what it was, but I took it anyway because she was just so excited. After about five seconds of holding it, I realized it was a dried up dog turd. I have no idea where she found it (we were at a friend's house).

Anonymous

Giphy

"I picked poop out of her butt when she was constipated and trying to poop, but all blocked up."

Ad failed to load

Deepa

"If giving birth and then having to look at 'the footage' isn't gross enough the Nose Frida should count. That little sponge filter is not as effective as they think. LOL."

Laura

Giphy

"I eat half-chewed food that my baby offers me, because it makes him so happy."

Krysta

"I pried a chunk of almond out of my kid’s nose. It had been fermenting up there for months. Without a doubt the grossest smell to come out of any of my kids."

Ad failed to load

Christine

Giphy

"I’d have to say it’s definitely pulling strings out of his butt. He eats fabric, I’ve had him checked for Pica, vitamin deficiency, and lead. I end up having to pull so many poo covered strings out."

Elizabeth

"As the mom of a tube-fed kiddo, placing NG tubes and venting stomach contents and gas from a g-tube are both gross but necessary tasks. You learn quickly to overcome the gross factor, but overall grossest has to be poo. Having to give suppositories to a constipated kid and 'help the magic happen' is just not pleasant. On the other end of the spectrum, C Diff poo is the most distinct, vile, stomach churning, and disgusting form of poo that exists. Those are the diaper changes a mom will never forget."

Alainna

Giphy

"Yesterday, I fished my daughter's library card out of a public toilet."

Ad failed to load

Jen

"My youngest started wearing glasses at age 4. Her glasses were always dirty. I got in the habit of nabbing them off her face and lightly licking them before swiping the dirt on my T-shirt. One day, as the process started I noticed they were particularly dirty. I asked her, 'What in the world did you get on your glasses?' and she shouted out (excitedly) boogers."

Caitlin

Giphy

"When my 2-month-old was going through a rough formula switch to hypoallergenic, it made him severely constipated. Under direction of a pediatrician I gave him something to help, while he cried in pain for about two hours. He was screaming and kicking so hard that I literally could not put a clean diaper on him. So instead, I just continued to hold him, naked, and continued rubbing his tummy while he peed all over me. After rubbing his tummy and soothing him, he finally went poop. Not kidding, probably four cups came out of my poor baby, and all of it was sticky and weird and smelled like Alimentum. I was absolutely covered in it. So I took my clothes off and continued snuggling my sweet boy, and all I could think was how happy I was he was able to poop."

MJ

"Caught vomit with my hands on purpose and my mouth on accident."

Ad failed to load

Rini

Giphy

"We were visiting my mom, and my daughter was throwing up all night. At one point my husband and I just sat there taking turns holding her so she could throw up all over us equally. It was a nice bonding experience. Rather, 'vomding' experience."

Amber

"Both toddlers had diarrhea for upwards of a month. During that time I sifted through the partially digested food and liquid excrement to collect samples that had to be refrigerated, frozen, and sat out at room temperature. The smell was rancid, the texture was probably worse. 10/10 would not recommend."

Courtney

Giphy

"I’ve breastfed a miserable sick baby while I was pooping."

Ad failed to load

Kimberly

"My son saw a nearly dead immature bird on our picnic table one afternoon. He insisted I save it. So I picked it up (ugh), put it in a box, and brought a nearly dead wild bird into our house. I put a heating pad under him and hoped for the best. We set a perfectly happy bird free the next morning."

Jenny

Giphy

"My son dropped his brand new Lego watch in the toilet. The toilet he just pooped in. He was 5, and he was so excited to get that watch, I couldn’t let his little heart break. I dug it out with my hands, covered in poo, and cleaned it with soap and hot water. He still has the watch, six years later."

Sarah

"I’ve let my child vomit all over me instead of the couch or bed. Too many times. It’s easier to wash myself and toss my clothes in the washer than it is to clean the couch.

Ad failed to load

Gail

Giphy

"Stayed married much longer than I should."

Chelsea

"One time when my youngest was just over a year old, I was seeing how he would do on regular milk. It made him horribly constipated on the first try, and he couldn’t poop for almost two days. He was crying during a diaper change and I saw that he had a rock-hard turd lodged in his poor little baby butt. I was about to take him to the hospital, but decided to try and help him first. Here’s where sh*t gets weird. I put Vaseline on his butthole, which was already dilated from this massive rock poop, and used a soft tip baby spoon to stab the center of the turd. Unfortunately the soft tip was no match, so I had to use the handle of the spoon to poke the center of this thing. After massaging more Vaseline on his poor little butt and making sure the little spoon handle was nowhere near his rectum, I pooped the turd out of his butt like it was a lollipop. He stopped crying immediately and let out a giant wave of regular poop that had been blocked by the turd pop which I was now holding on the end of this baby spoon. He was so relived, and I was covered in poo."

Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherlode, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

15 Baby Names With Unique Nicknames, So Your Family Has Options

I love a good diminutive name, also known as a nickname. I believe I’m partial to them because of my own name, Abigale, but I go by Abi. And since they’re both uniquely spelled, everyone thinks my name is pronounced Ah-bee for some reason — but even …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

The Entire Family Can Enjoy These Movies & Shows Coming To Netflix In June

It's just one of those sad facts of life: every month, shows and movies vanish from Netflix, their varied excitements no longer at your fingertips. But luckily the streaming service is always prepared to fill that content void with lots of new things…
By Megan Walsh

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}