zlikovec/Fotolia

28 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Part Of Their Birth Experience

By
Share
Ad failed to load

When I say "birth is disgusting," I don't want you to get the wrong idea. Birth can be empowering and wonderful and downright beautiful... but it's all of those things and pretty gross. There's nothing wrong with that, either. In fact, that's a pretty typical response to your body doing something so intense. I truly believe that women, socialized to put a premium on being "pretty" and "polite," should embrace the yuck. So, in the spirit of owning grossness, I asked moms to share the most disgusting part of their birth experience. Their answers were mostly typical, and all pretty icky.

On top of being normal and a big middle finger to the powers that would have women as anatomically functional as a blow-up doll, grossness (especially when it comes to labor, birth, and postpartum issues) is funny, at least from a distance. Some might call me juvenile, but I say there is nothing juvenile about thinking fart stories are funny. Have you ever even heard a fart? It's a ridiculous noise! Bodies doing gross things at inopportune moments provide much needed levity to remind us that, hey, we're all human.

Fair warning: these stories are not for the faint of heart. When I asked these gals to be gross, they were not shy about holding back. That said, if you have given birth I am positive you will be able to relate to most, if not all, of these tales of squishy, stinky, splashy, grossness.

Ad failed to load

Regina

Giphy

"I had a lot of amniotic fluids with my first and when my water broke only a little came out because the baby was blocking the rest of it. Well, after I got an episiotomy to get my baby out, he came flying out and then the amniotic fluid stuck behind him flew out and got all over a nursing student watching, who wasn’t gowned up because he was clear across the room."

"Poppy"

"Uncontrollable shivering and vomiting during transition, I remember asking the nurse what was going on and she said, 'You’re having a baby, this is part of the process'... my husband wasn’t too impressed by this part of the process."

Erin

"I went to pee after my catheter was taken out and a blood clot the size of a cantaloupe fell out and splat all over the floor."
Ad failed to load

Tara

Giphy

"When my water broke. 'Water' is a terrible term to describe the multitude of nastiness that exits your body when that sh*t breaks. It reminded me of the pink slime river from Ghostbusters 2. That, and the fact that it didn’t stop coming out... [I] literally had a burst, and then so much stuff kept coming for hours and hours. It was so gross."

Caitlin

"Once my contractions hit hard, I had uncontrollable diarrhea and vomiting. Add in the fact that the hospital had no power due to a powerful derecho storm, and I was blindly vomiting all over the floor while sh*tting in the toilet while shaking like crazy. I had zero control over my body and fluids were coming out of every part of my body."

Rachel

"When the midwife tugged on the umbilical cord and I felt my placenta plop off on the inside. It was so gross."
Ad failed to load

Allison

Giphy

"The super loud pop of my tailbone breaking still makes me nauseous."

[Writer's note: I checked, and she had an epidural in so thank goodness she didn't it feel it when it happened.]

Melissa

"[I] didn't really have anything horribly disgusting, but definitely did experience the uncontrollable shivering and vomiting. Not fun at all...and every time I would warn the nurse about me having to throw up she would just keep saying, 'Oh good, good! This is good' WTF lady?! It doesn't feel good! Stop saying that!"

Lindsay

"Mine would definitely be the hemorrhoids. So painful and huge and gross."
Ad failed to load

Elyse

Giphy

"When I smelled something foul and realized I sh*t the table... the look on my significant other's face still haunts me."

Nicole

"When my husband decided to watch the end of my cesarean and tell me that my uterus was on my chest while I was shaking and vomiting uncontrollably while they stitched me back up."

Melissa 2

"There is nothing quite like amniotic fluid soaked yoga pants and flip flops. I literally squished my way through the lobby of the hospital."
Ad failed to load

"Amaryllis"

Giphy

"I was hooked up to magnesium sulfate for the last 24 hours before [my daughter's] delivery and 24 hours afterward. That sh*t makes you sweat like you’ve never sweat before in your life. By Sunday morning I smelled so bad from B.O., it was seriously nauseating. And I was still catheterized and not allowed to leave the bed. A nurse smelled me and offered a sponge bath and some dry shampoo and I’ve never been more grateful."

Sandra

"Oh man, mine is terrible . After I brought my son home I had to have my first poop. Couldn’t do it. It hurt so bad I thought my butthole was ripping open. The sh*t was literally stuck half in and half out and I was in there for almost two hours. I had stitches from birth, mind you, so I was scared and wouldn’t poop the next few days. I literally held it in. I got impacted and had to go to the doctor. He stuck his finger in my butt to try and fish out sh*t (again stitches). It was horrible. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and he sent me to the ER and I had to drink a bowel prep. All of this with a 3-day-old baby. Still haunts me."

Sarah

"The afterbirth. There's a reason it sounds like the name of a bad '80s horror film."
Ad failed to load

Shannon

Giphy

"I threw up directly in the face of my nurse...I told her I felt ill, she told me I was fine. I ended up getting sick about six inches away from her face, she had vomit in her hair and on her glasses. She was a total b*tch to me, so I probably didn't feel as bad as I should have."

Melissa 3 (Because I Apparently Know A Whole Lot Of Melissas)

"The sound of my episiotomy. My husband says it is something that will forever be stitched in the memory of our son being born. I do not remember hearing it but ... my husband almost died."

Michelle

"The warm, extended squish of amniotic fluid when the midwife broke my water to induce. Yuck."
Ad failed to load

Tracy

Giphy

"I had a C-section, so I needed help from a nurse or my husband pulling the mesh panties up, on the first day. He was busy with the baby so I attempted it myself.. and left a murder scene on the floor. I called him in to help, because I couldn’t bend over to wipe up the blood. He came in, looked at the mess, and started singing Meatloaf's “I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)."

PS: He did clean it up."

Katy

"[My] second C-section gave me pretty bad postpartum preeclampsia. My feet and ankles were hugely swollen, so I decided to soak my feet in a tub of hot water and Epsom salts. The room started spinning as my blood pressure bottomed out. I sat on the edge of my bed simultaneously vomiting and peeing myself and strained so hard I busted my incision. That was awful!"

"Zinnia"

"[T]here is nothing quite like coughing so hard that you end up violently vomiting ... causing your water to break."
Ad failed to load

Samantha

Giphy

"I asked my husband what 'it' looked like when our girls were born and he said. 'You know in the South Park movie, where Kenny explodes in the OR? Like that.'"

"Dahlia"

"[With] kid one [I] developed an infection from the catheter and it stunk. Like, so so bad. [With] kid two... the vomit, oh, the vomit. I started while in the recovery room and did not stop for several hours. The lactation consultants came and hooked a pump up to me as I was puking over the side of my bed, which I find funny now."

Kate

"That slurping, squishy, 'whoop!' feeling when they deliver the afterbirth. Ick."
Ad failed to load

"Primrose"

Giphy

"Nobody told me that my blood would clot from sitting in the bed in the postpartum wing. I got up to use the bathroom and out dropped a clot the size of a bullfrog. I thought I'd lost a vital organ!"

Cassy

"My water hadn't broken yet and when my baby was about halfway out it popped and fluid literally sprayed eight feet in the air all over the room and my midwife. Talk about an entrance to the world!"

Jennifer

"The postpartum poop. I literally lost five pounds that day. Five."
Ad failed to load

Rachel 2

Photo courtesy of Rachel C.

"This was what I saw on the ceiling in the labor and delivery room when I had my first and was brought in to start my induction... I had to stare at this for 20+ hours until I was brought in for my C-section."

Check out Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:

Watch full episodes of Romper's Doula Diaries on Facebook Watch.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

The Entire Family Can Enjoy These Movies & Shows Coming To Netflix In June

It's just one of those sad facts of life: every month, shows and movies vanish from Netflix, their varied excitements no longer at your fingertips. But luckily the streaming service is always prepared to fill that content void with lots of new things…
By Megan Walsh

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}