zlikovec/Fotolia

28 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Part Of Their Birth Experience

By
Share
Ad failed to load

When I say "birth is disgusting," I don't want you to get the wrong idea. Birth can be empowering and wonderful and downright beautiful... but it's all of those things and pretty gross. There's nothing wrong with that, either. In fact, that's a pretty typical response to your body doing something so intense. I truly believe that women, socialized to put a premium on being "pretty" and "polite," should embrace the yuck. So, in the spirit of owning grossness, I asked moms to share the most disgusting part of their birth experience. Their answers were mostly typical, and all pretty icky.

On top of being normal and a big middle finger to the powers that would have women as anatomically functional as a blow-up doll, grossness (especially when it comes to labor, birth, and postpartum issues) is funny, at least from a distance. Some might call me juvenile, but I say there is nothing juvenile about thinking fart stories are funny. Have you ever even heard a fart? It's a ridiculous noise! Bodies doing gross things at inopportune moments provide much needed levity to remind us that, hey, we're all human.

Fair warning: these stories are not for the faint of heart. When I asked these gals to be gross, they were not shy about holding back. That said, if you have given birth I am positive you will be able to relate to most, if not all, of these tales of squishy, stinky, splashy, grossness.

Ad failed to load

Regina

Giphy

"I had a lot of amniotic fluids with my first and when my water broke only a little came out because the baby was blocking the rest of it. Well, after I got an episiotomy to get my baby out, he came flying out and then the amniotic fluid stuck behind him flew out and got all over a nursing student watching, who wasn’t gowned up because he was clear across the room."

"Poppy"

"Uncontrollable shivering and vomiting during transition, I remember asking the nurse what was going on and she said, 'You’re having a baby, this is part of the process'... my husband wasn’t too impressed by this part of the process."

Erin

Ad failed to load

Tara

Giphy

"When my water broke. 'Water' is a terrible term to describe the multitude of nastiness that exits your body when that sh*t breaks. It reminded me of the pink slime river from Ghostbusters 2. That, and the fact that it didn’t stop coming out... [I] literally had a burst, and then so much stuff kept coming for hours and hours. It was so gross."

Caitlin

"Once my contractions hit hard, I had uncontrollable diarrhea and vomiting. Add in the fact that the hospital had no power due to a powerful derecho storm, and I was blindly vomiting all over the floor while sh*tting in the toilet while shaking like crazy. I had zero control over my body and fluids were coming out of every part of my body."

Rachel

Ad failed to load

Allison

Giphy

"The super loud pop of my tailbone breaking still makes me nauseous."

[Writer's note: I checked, and she had an epidural in so thank goodness she didn't it feel it when it happened.]

Melissa

"[I] didn't really have anything horribly disgusting, but definitely did experience the uncontrollable shivering and vomiting. Not fun at all...and every time I would warn the nurse about me having to throw up she would just keep saying, 'Oh good, good! This is good' WTF lady?! It doesn't feel good! Stop saying that!"

Lindsay

Ad failed to load

Elyse

Giphy

"When I smelled something foul and realized I sh*t the table... the look on my significant other's face still haunts me."

Nicole

"When my husband decided to watch the end of my cesarean and tell me that my uterus was on my chest while I was shaking and vomiting uncontrollably while they stitched me back up."

Melissa 2

Ad failed to load

"Amaryllis"

Giphy

"I was hooked up to magnesium sulfate for the last 24 hours before [my daughter's] delivery and 24 hours afterward. That sh*t makes you sweat like you’ve never sweat before in your life. By Sunday morning I smelled so bad from B.O., it was seriously nauseating. And I was still catheterized and not allowed to leave the bed. A nurse smelled me and offered a sponge bath and some dry shampoo and I’ve never been more grateful."

Sandra

"Oh man, mine is terrible . After I brought my son home I had to have my first poop. Couldn’t do it. It hurt so bad I thought my butthole was ripping open. The sh*t was literally stuck half in and half out and I was in there for almost two hours. I had stitches from birth, mind you, so I was scared and wouldn’t poop the next few days. I literally held it in. I got impacted and had to go to the doctor. He stuck his finger in my butt to try and fish out sh*t (again stitches). It was horrible. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and he sent me to the ER and I had to drink a bowel prep. All of this with a 3-day-old baby. Still haunts me."

Sarah

Ad failed to load

Shannon

Giphy

"I threw up directly in the face of my nurse...I told her I felt ill, she told me I was fine. I ended up getting sick about six inches away from her face, she had vomit in her hair and on her glasses. She was a total b*tch to me, so I probably didn't feel as bad as I should have."

Melissa 3 (Because I Apparently Know A Whole Lot Of Melissas)

"The sound of my episiotomy. My husband says it is something that will forever be stitched in the memory of our son being born. I do not remember hearing it but ... my husband almost died."

Michelle

Ad failed to load

Tracy

Giphy

"I had a C-section, so I needed help from a nurse or my husband pulling the mesh panties up, on the first day. He was busy with the baby so I attempted it myself.. and left a murder scene on the floor. I called him in to help, because I couldn’t bend over to wipe up the blood. He came in, looked at the mess, and started singing Meatloaf's “I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)."

PS: He did clean it up."

Katy

"[My] second C-section gave me pretty bad postpartum preeclampsia. My feet and ankles were hugely swollen, so I decided to soak my feet in a tub of hot water and Epsom salts. The room started spinning as my blood pressure bottomed out. I sat on the edge of my bed simultaneously vomiting and peeing myself and strained so hard I busted my incision. That was awful!"

"Zinnia"

Ad failed to load

Samantha

Giphy

"I asked my husband what 'it' looked like when our girls were born and he said. 'You know in the South Park movie, where Kenny explodes in the OR? Like that.'"

"Dahlia"

"[With] kid one [I] developed an infection from the catheter and it stunk. Like, so so bad. [With] kid two... the vomit, oh, the vomit. I started while in the recovery room and did not stop for several hours. The lactation consultants came and hooked a pump up to me as I was puking over the side of my bed, which I find funny now."

Kate

Ad failed to load

"Primrose"

Giphy

"Nobody told me that my blood would clot from sitting in the bed in the postpartum wing. I got up to use the bathroom and out dropped a clot the size of a bullfrog. I thought I'd lost a vital organ!"

Cassy

"My water hadn't broken yet and when my baby was about halfway out it popped and fluid literally sprayed eight feet in the air all over the room and my midwife. Talk about an entrance to the world!"

Jennifer

Ad failed to load

Rachel 2

Photo courtesy of Rachel C.

"This was what I saw on the ceiling in the labor and delivery room when I had my first and was brought in to start my induction... I had to stare at this for 20+ hours until I was brought in for my C-section."

Check out Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:

Watch full episodes of Romper's Doula Diaries on Facebook Watch.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

6 Early Signs You're Going To Have A Short Labor, According To Experts

As far as I'm concerned, a short labor is right up there with winning the lottery in terms of lucky life events. (And when I was actually in labor, I would absolutely have traded a bucketful of lottery winnings for a speedier birth.) While some women…
By Kelly Mullen-McWilliams

Kids Will Love These TV Shows & Movies Coming To Netflix In March

You can always count on Netflix to keep it fresh: though there are already so many movies and shows to choose from, every month there's an influx of new content to keep your entire family entertained. As February enters its final weeks, it's time to …
By Megan Walsh

Here Are 10 Ways To Boost Your Baby's Immunity To The Flu

As I'm sure you've read in the thousands upon thousands of articles written about it this winter, the flu is spreading like wildfire and it's bad. Really bad. This strand of flu is the worst we've had in a very long time and it's the most widespread,…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Khloé Kardashian Asked Twitter About Her Bump, & Moms Totally Delivered

Like her younger sister Kylie Jenner, Khloé Kardashian managed to keep most of her pregnancy a sort-of secret. But unlike Jenner, Kardashian chose to publicly announce her pregnancy several months before the baby's due date. While there's no wrong wa…
By Sophie Hirsh

21 Moms Share The Most Surprising Part About Having A C-Section

Honestly, I don't think we, as a culture, talk about C-sections nearly enough, especially considering so many mothers experience them. And because of a number of factors, the little we do talk about it always seems to be a familiar narrative: "It's n…
By Jamie Kenney

13 Yummy Instant Pot Recipes To Make Under 30 Minutes

An Instant Pot seems to be the must-have appliance in every kitchen these days. If you are anything like me and never knew the beauty of a Instant Pot, you are about to have your life changed. Basically, you put some ingredients into a pot, set the t…
By Kristin Manna

9 Things The First Six Months Of Motherhood Will Teach You About Your Baby

Personally, the first six months of motherhood was a mixed bag. I learned some harsh lessons about myself that made taking care of my baby seem overwhelming. For example, I was clueless, and no amount of research could help me feel like anything but …
By Steph Montgomery

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack