The life of a mom is incredibly unpredictable. One minute you're the "best mom ever" for buying your kids fruit roll-ups, and mere seconds later you're the "worst mom in the world" just because you won't allow your 6-year-old to leave the house without wearing pants. When you spend an entire afternoon scrubbing the spaghetti stains out of your living room rug, you might begin to forget why you even wanted to have kids in the first place. The good news though, is that out of a parent's deepest struggles comes some pretty downright priceless stories, as proven through some of the most honest parenting tweets.
The highs of parenting are very, very high — like when you're able to get through an entire day without any tantrums — and the lows are so low. The days are long, and the nights are even longer, considering it can sometimes take over an hour to convince your kid to finally get some sleep. The life of a parent is truly exhausting, and if anybody else gets it, hilarious Twitter parents do. Sure, the job is tough, and your laundry pile might be taller than you are, but in the end, it really will all have been worth it.
Me: What do you want for lunch?— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 5, 2016
Me: Oreos are a dessert.
6: Oreos are everything.
He's not wrong, though.
2. Rookie Mistake
Me: Popsicles for everyone!— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 5, 2016
10 minutes later...
*everyone is sticky and crying*
...and that's why I'm never "fun".
There's a reason why I don't purchase popsicles anymore.
9 yo son's Internet history - if you need info on Chinese candy or finding videos of people letting glue dry on their faces, he's your guy— CC (@Awesomemom10) August 4, 2016
Sounds a bit like my internet history, actually.
4. Should've Known Better
The more conversations I have with my kids, the more I wonder where I could have better invested the money I've put into their college funds— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) August 4, 2016
The possibilities are endless.
5. If Only
My son lost another tooth this week & wants to know if this time, he'll grow a saber tooth instead of a regular one & now I'm curious too.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) August 3, 2016
Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
"Did somebody fart or are you making dinner?"— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) August 4, 2016
- my kids, being charming
Kids really know exactly what to say to help boost your self-esteem, don't they?
7. Miracles Do Happen
My kids, in their pj's, on their way to bed has to be the most beautiful sight in the world.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) August 5, 2016
I couldn't agree more.
8. Royal Treatment
I parked right in front of the grocery store, got a cart with perfect wheels, & cheese is on sale.— Digital Jørdøn (@BadJordon) August 1, 2016
Is this how royalty feels all the time?
Dreams really do come true.
Well these Dorito crumbs aren't gonna eat themselves— Jam453Lane (@Jam453Lane) August 4, 2016
*accidentally eats the whole comforter and bed set
Been there, done that.
10. You Suck, Mom
Me: Did you brush your hair?— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) August 5, 2016
Me: With a brush?
9: UGH YOUR RULES ARE THE WORST.
You ask a kid to brush your hair and suddenly you ruined your kid's life.
11. Seems Legit
6's plan for the day seems pretty solid to me, he's going to trap and tame a stegosaurus.— Diane Huntington (@idtweetforever) August 2, 2016
Can I join him?
I am an ADULT. How dare you try to orchestrate my life!— Jenn Harrell Scott (@Jenn_H_Scott) August 2, 2016
*sips Yoohoo from straw
*warms up queso for breakfast
*watches The Little Mermaid
My Saturday plans summed up.
13. Help Wanted
Hospitals should really send a nurse home with new moms, just to help out, not forever but maybe for the first 18 years or so.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 3, 2016
Can we please, please make this happen?
I judge my day based on how many times I threaten to take my kids to the orphanage.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) August 3, 2016
Sounds like a pretty efficient system.
15. Take Your Pick
5yo: I want a snack.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 3, 2016
M: You can have a yogurt smoothie.
5: I NEED CHOICES!
M: Ok. You can have a yogurt smoothie or you can have nothing.
16. Just One Bite
My kids don't like my quality control methods on their dessert.— Downtime Dad (@DowntimeDad) August 3, 2016
*walks by kids' room*— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) August 4, 2016
*hears them playing when they should be asleep*
GO TO BED!
*pats self on back for great parenting*
You did good.
18. Lost And Found
Both of my kids thinks it's cool that I like to rearrange their room from time to time.— Beatriz (@wittwitbarista) August 4, 2016
...Honestly I'm just looking for the remote.
It'll be our little secret.
19. Life Isn't Fair
Having kids is the reason why we bought a house AND the reason why it should be condemned. Doesn't seem fair.— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) August 4, 2016
I haven't seen the floor in three years. It's completely covered in broken toys.
20. Best Mom Ever?
*Family Dinner*— Eileen Curtright (@eileencurtright) August 4, 2016
Me, interrupting: is this just a story about what a terrible mother I am?
Kid 2: Oh! I have one! I have one!
21. Silver Linings
Just when I think I haven't a clue what I'm doing as a parent, I realize my 8yo replaced the toilet paper roll, and now there's hope.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 4, 2016
My prayers have been answered.
22. Star In The Making
Oh, your daughter spent the evening at ballet? Mine spent the evening putting Post-It notes on the cat.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) August 4, 2016
Who's the real winner here?
23. Little Einstein
I saw my son lick the seat of a swing in a public park yesterday so I'm considering signing him up for the gifted program at school.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 1, 2016
You should be very, very proud.
My kids went to bed later than normal which sounds like they will sleep later than normal but they won't because kids don't make sense.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) August 4, 2016
Kids are like Rubik's Cubes — frustrating, tiring, and nearly impossible to figure out.
25. Sounds Like Fun?
Most of my day is spent staring at a toddler who is staring at a food pantry trying to decide what snack to partially eat.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 3, 2016
Every. Single. Day.
26. Desperately Needed
Where's the selfie filter that hides the fact that I have kids, don't sleep, drink excessive amounts of caffeine and have basically given up— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) August 1, 2016
I'm still looking.
That looks deadly, I think I'll eat it.— Mother Teresa (@momma_moral) August 1, 2016
If it's small enough to fit in your mouth, a toddler will eat it. Even if it's plastic.
28. Please, Please Go To Sleep
I've played entire games of Monopoly that didn't take as long as it's taking me to put my kid to bed right now.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 2, 2016
If you are able to put your kid to bed in less than 10 minutes, you deserve some sort of medal.
29. An Absolute Blast
I told my son to wear something nice for picture day so he put on his best T-shirt.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 2, 2016
Have kids. It's fun.
Kids: you can't live with them, but you can't live without them.
30. Danger, Danger
Based on the way my son picks up EVERY SINGLE FREAKING seashell he sees, I'm having serious concerns about his dating future.— Jenn Harrell Scott (@Jenn_H_Scott) August 1, 2016
I'd be concerned, too.
31. Let Them Eat Cake
Once that bra comes off, I don't put it back on for anything.— SammichesPsychMeds (@SamPsychMeds) August 1, 2016
Except cheesecake. I'll put it back on if we're going to get cheesecake.