Generally speaking, sex is fun. It's a time to connect with another human being, lose yourself, and feel a release I'd wager we all need to feel on the regular. Sex was all those things to my partner and I — until I became pregnant. Then it changed, just like my body, and we found ourselves experiencing something different. Not bad, per say, but definitely different. I mean, there were some awfully embarrassing things that happened to my body when I had pregnancy sex that I wish I could forget. Like, forever. I wish I could forget the following forever.
Now, not a single person on the planet should expect sex to be this easy, smooth-sailing thing when one or more partners is pregnant. I know I was well aware that my changing body meant things between the sheets were going to have to be altered, and I know my partner was aware, too. But I still had high expectations and still, regardless of how my body was adapting to pregnancy, wanted my partner to see me in a certain way. Which is, arguably, what made pregnancy sex so difficult. I felt like a stranger in my own body, uncomfortable, and the opposite of sexy. And though my partner did his best to make me feel otherwise, I couldn't get past my loss of bodily autonomy.
So just like pregnancy and parenthood and every other situation we experience as flawed human beings, pregnancy sex was perfect. It didn't live up to the images I had in my head; it didn't make me feel like some fertile goddess; it didn't always leave me feeling connected to my partner. It did, however, provide me with more than a few uncomfortable laughs. So with that in mind, here are some of the embarrassing things that happened to my body when I was pregnant and getting my freak on. Do me a favor and let me know I'm not alone, OK?
I Got Too Sick To Finish
Yeah, that happened. he relentless nausea was never-ending for me during my first pregnancy. Those times I thought I was going to be OK for a while, so my partner and I would, you know, get to it, were the times when I came dangerous close to puking all over my partner and our bed and probably myself. There's no time to waste when you're in need of a trash can, and my body didn't care if we were close to orgasm or not.
There Were Always Weird Noises
The stomach gurgles, there's indigestion, and my thighs flap. It's a lot of noise to tune out when you're trying to focus on being sexy. I was always insecure when I was pregnant and having sex because OMG the noises. It's just super embarrassing to hear a loud growl in a moment of concentrated silence. I know he didn't care, but I sure as hell did.
I Lost My Balance
Another fun thing that happens during pregnancy is your inability to know when you've teetered too far to one side — until it's too late. And when I say "fun," I mean embarrassing. Literally falling off your partner is the worst. It's always good to have a mid-sex laugh, right? That's what I tell myself, anyway.
There Was Bleeding
Sex can trigger some arguably disgusting, disturbing things in the body. Things I couldn't control if I tried. Spotting was a likely occurrence that never failed to throw my partner and I into panic-mode, while simultaneously killing the mood completely. While it didn't mean something was wrong, it was enough to end the sex right then and there.
There Was Gas
I can't articulate enough how little control I had over my pregnant body, and how, despite my squeezing and pretending, things came out of me at inopportune times.
There Was Urinary Leakage
Pregnancy can be gross and sex can be gross and that's all there is to it. So if you mix these two gross things together, well, accidental pee is bound to happen. There's no recovery from a moment like this so, for me, it was best to run away and start a new life somewhere else.
My Body Changed My Mind
Every woman has the right to change her mind at any point during a sexual encounter. It doesn't matter if she said "yes" two seconds ago: if she's saying "no" now, the sex stops. That's called consent, my friends.
]We could've literally been in the moment, having a damn ball, and all of the sudden I tapped out. Maybe the baby kicked and it freaked me out, maybe I just didn't want to have sex anymore thanks to all the sweating and friction (it's a lot of work), or maybe I was thinking about my leftover hamburger in the fridge and felt my stomach rumble. Regardless, when I was done, I was done.
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