7 Red Flags Your Partner Thought You Were "The One" But Is Now Doubting It
When you're in a relationship with the person you know you want to spend the rest of your life with, you, of course, hope that they feel the exact same way about you. And while you might think that you're both on the same page, people — and relationships — change and grow as time goes on. That means that although they might have previously thought that the two of you would end up together, things may have changed. There are some red flags your partner thought you were "The One" but is now doubting it that you should watch out for because the last thing you want to do is come to the end of your relationship, heartbroken and wishing you hadn't wasted time earlier, past the point that they started to feel as though you might not actually have the future you always thought you would. Not only that, but being blindsided by a partner and feeling like the life you thought you knew is suddenly crumbling around you really isn't all that much fun either.
Luckily, there are some signs, if you know what to look for, that can give you a head's up that things might not be going as well as you think and that your partner is starting to have doubts that you're really "The One" for them.
1. Their Social Media Makes Them Look Single
When you take a gander at your partner's social media accounts and you can't tell whether or not they're in a relationship, that's probably not a great sign that they're still invested. "Do they stop posting couples photos or basically give the impression that they're single," David Bennett, a certified counselor, relationship expert, and co-author of seven self-help books, tells Romper by email. "Have they gone from the attitude of 'it's about us' to 'it's about me?' If so, that's a sign they are seeing you less like 'the one.'"
2. You Found Them On A Dating App
It probably comes as no surprise, but if you, a friend, or a family member finds your partner on a dating app or a dating site, you should consider that a red flag that they might be having doubts in your relationship. "Online dating allows us to constantly check out the dating pond," Whitney Hawkins, MS.Ed, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist, tells Romper by email. "If your significant other is checking out the online dating scene, they may have some doubt about the future of the relationship." Rather than feeling confident that they're with the right person, they're already looking for the next person.
3. They Start To Adhere To Their Own Schedule
In a post she wrote for the Psychology Today website, writer Peg Streep noted that if they start to follow their own schedule so that you don't have to have a tough conversation, that's probably not a great sign. If you're hoping that there's any chance of working things out, you'll have to talk about what's going on. And if they're creating distance, it might be because they're feeling unsure.
4. They're Not So Concerned With Exclusivity Or Monogamy Anymore
"This is a big glaring sign," Hawkins says. "If you are in a monogamous relationship and your partner mentions they would like to see other people, you can assume they are having doubts about the relationship." If you'd previously agreed that you could see other people, it might not seem like such a big deal, but if you've always been monogamous, they might want to see other people so as to keep their options open because they're no longer sure you're the right one for them.
5. There's Far Less Talk About The Future
When you're in a relationship with someone you think is "The One," it's normal and natural to talk about your shared future and make some actual plans together. When that stops happening, that could be a sign that things might not be going as well as you think they are. "If you find that your partner stops discussing future plans with you, interest may be changing," Hawkins says. "Someone who no longer sees a future with you may discontinue making plans for travel, future holidays, moving in together, or even marriage and children. They may begin dodging these conversations or telling you to just 'relax, we will talk about it later.' If you feel like you're being blown off, you just might be."
6. The Romance Diminishes
It's not unusual for couples to go through ebbs and flows in their sex lives or even for some of the romance to diminish when there's more of the mundane daily chores and responsibilities to deal with, but if there are drastic changes, that might not be a great sign. "While no couple will have an active sex life every day for decades, if the spark has totally died, and sex and romance become 'duties' (like only having 'birthday sex'), then you're not viewed as 'The One' anymore," Bennett says.
7. They Don't Invite You Along Anymore
"If your partner stops bringing you to family events or including you with their friends, this can be a bad sign," Hawkins says. "When an individual has decided you are 'The One' they will encourage you to attend events with them and will enjoy spending time with you." If they're not sure you'll be around long-term, they might not want you and their family members, friends, and coworkers to bond, they might feel guilty spending a ton of time with you, knowing that they're having doubts, or they just might be preparing to move on. No matter the reason, it might be a red flag that they're having doubts.
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