saulich84/Fotolia

8 Post-Birth Jokes That Need To *Immediately* Die In A Fire

By
Share
Ad failed to load

Humor is one of the easiest ways humans relate to one other. It can lighten the mood in an uncomfortable situation and serve as a protective shield against pain. Parenting is often the subject of some of the funniest jokes, in my opinion, mainly because raising humans is difficult and humor can lighten the emotional toll. Having said that, there are some post-birth jokes that need to die in a fire because OMG they really are awful. These postpartum jokes usually have something to do with a woman's vagina or a man's inability to be a competent parent, which just undermine and insult parenting as a whole. I'm sure you've heard them all, and you've probably laughed at or said a few yourself, but honestly these jokes are so stale and unfunny that they should be retired. Let's come up with something more witty, shall we?

I do believe new moms get the brunt of the jokes, because people just love commenting on mom's bodies and parenting styles and everything in between. Sure, some jokes can help a new parent feel like a part of a bigger purpose, and some jokes can help parents to not feel so alone in the trenches of parenting. But a select few cross the boundary into unnecessarily crude and rude. I've heard many jokes in my short eight years as a parent and I have to say, I don't find some of them at all funny. You may think I'm reaching or I'm overreacting, but I have a phenomenal sense of humor and these jokes are, in my humble opinion, simply not funny nor witty.

I get it, too. I mean, sometimes people make jokes simply because they don't know what else to say to a new parent. Non-parents are probably the biggest "offenders" because they really don't know what parenting is like. Can't really blame them for failing to understand some of the sensitivities and intricacies that come with parenting. But, overall, it wouldn't hurt for people to be a little more mindful of the messages they are sending by making some of the following jokes:

Ad failed to load

Every Single Postpartum Vagina Joke

Giphy

Enough already. It's bad enough women often feel physically and emotionally broken when they're postpartum, but the added vagina "humor" doesn't help. In fact, the jokes are legitimately offensive and hurtful and false. The "daddy stitch" jokes, the "time for kegels" jokes, and the "it's probably so stretched out, the next baby could just walk right out" jokes are all ridiculous and childish and should die a fiery death.

The "Your Sex Life Is Dead" Joke

Why is this even a thing? Is it to make people fear parenthood? Because, let me tell you something: sex after kids is great. It's as great if not better than sex before the kids. Sure, maybe some people choose to have less sex, but less sex isn't a given just because a couple decided to become parents. Plus, the longer a relationship is, the more creative sex can get.

The "Your Life Is Over" Joke

Giphy

Have you heard this one before? It's almost as "funny" as telling expectant parents to "sleep now, because once the baby comes they'll never sleep again." I mean, how funny is that really?"Having kids will ruin your entire life." That's the joke, isn't it? Well, it's not funny.

Sure, parenting is tough, but your life is most certainly not over. For many people, becoming parents is the best thing about life, so let's put it to rest, OK?

Ad failed to load

The "Boy, Are Your Hands Full" Joke

This usually applies to a mother of more than one kid. The "joke" is usually made at a public place when a parent may be just going about her business, trying to do some food shopping or is enjoying a day out with her kids. Some "super funny" stranger decides to be so so funny and so witty and say, "Wow, you've got a lot on your plate, don't you?" I always want to respond to this particular "joke" with, "Wow, what a clever observation, sir. You're such a genius. And, oh so amusing."

The "Are You Sure That Kid Is Yours" Joke

Giphy

My kids look like me and nothing like my husband, so I've heard every single version of this joke. People seem to be overly preoccupied with which parent the offspring resembles. I mean, sure, it's cute to see a miniature version of people, but let's just stop this "the mother is clearly sleeping around" joke. It doesn't make anyone feel good. Oh, and it's not funny.

The "Your Boobs Are Out Of Order" Joke

I guess if my breasts were created solely for the pleasure of men, I wouldn't be so annoyed by these comments. But newsflash: my breasts are actually there to nourish a child. Shocker, I know. So when I'm breastfeeding my child, my breast are in order, doing exactly what they were designed to do by nature. Incredible, isn't it.

Ad failed to load

The "Mommy Can Use A Drink" Joke

Giphy

You know what? Mommy could always use a drink because mommy generally enjoys a glass of wine and not because she is a mommy and she can't handle the responsibilities of motherhood without numbing her feelings with alcohol. If a woman is legitimately struggling with motherhood, it's not a laughing matter and it should be taken pretty seriously. Parenting is tough and so is life and sometimes we all could use a little bit of an escape from reality, but this joke makes light of an unhealthy coping mechanism.

According to the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, 76 million Americans, about 43 percent of the adult population, have been exposed to alcoholism in the Family. An estimated 18 percent of adult Americans have lived with an alcoholic while growing up. Joking about alcoholism? Yeah, not OK.

Every Single "Dad Is Useless" Joke

Because dads who are involved with their kids are great dads and deserve to be acknowledged for finally breaking the "absentee-dad" stereotype.

Watch Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:

Check out the entire Romper's Doula Diaries series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

6 Early Signs You're Going To Have A Short Labor, According To Experts

As far as I'm concerned, a short labor is right up there with winning the lottery in terms of lucky life events. (And when I was actually in labor, I would absolutely have traded a bucketful of lottery winnings for a speedier birth.) While some women…
By Kelly Mullen-McWilliams

Kids Will Love These TV Shows & Movies Coming To Netflix In March

You can always count on Netflix to keep it fresh: though there are already so many movies and shows to choose from, every month there's an influx of new content to keep your entire family entertained. As February enters its final weeks, it's time to …
By Megan Walsh

Here Are 10 Ways To Boost Your Baby's Immunity To The Flu

As I'm sure you've read in the thousands upon thousands of articles written about it this winter, the flu is spreading like wildfire and it's bad. Really bad. This strand of flu is the worst we've had in a very long time and it's the most widespread,…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Khloé Kardashian Asked Twitter About Her Bump, & Moms Totally Delivered

Like her younger sister Kylie Jenner, Khloé Kardashian managed to keep most of her pregnancy a sort-of secret. But unlike Jenner, Kardashian chose to publicly announce her pregnancy several months before the baby's due date. While there's no wrong wa…
By Sophie Hirsh

21 Moms Share The Most Surprising Part About Having A C-Section

Honestly, I don't think we, as a culture, talk about C-sections nearly enough, especially considering so many mothers experience them. And because of a number of factors, the little we do talk about it always seems to be a familiar narrative: "It's n…
By Jamie Kenney

13 Yummy Instant Pot Recipes To Make Under 30 Minutes

An Instant Pot seems to be the must-have appliance in every kitchen these days. If you are anything like me and never knew the beauty of a Instant Pot, you are about to have your life changed. Basically, you put some ingredients into a pot, set the t…
By Kristin Manna

9 Things The First Six Months Of Motherhood Will Teach You About Your Baby

Personally, the first six months of motherhood was a mixed bag. I learned some harsh lessons about myself that made taking care of my baby seem overwhelming. For example, I was clueless, and no amount of research could help me feel like anything but …
By Steph Montgomery

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack