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8 Signs You're *Clearly* A Basic Target Mom

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My mother-in-law once told me she refuses to shop at "big box" stores and would rather support local businesses. While I think supporting local mom & pop shops is important, I wanted to divorce her son and run away the moment she turned her nose up at Target. Excuse me? I mean, I love my partner, but I simply cannot be part of a family that doesn't love Target as much as I love Target. And if you, dear reader, love this magical place as much as I do, you're clearly a basic Target mom. I don't mind being basic, and I definitely don't mind being stereotyped as a "basic Target mom." It's funny, it doesn't offend me in the slightest, and there's no shame in my shopping game. Target has everything I need all in one place. I can get my cleaning supplies, dinner ingredients, socks and underwear, and a cute new top for work all in one convenient location that provides coffee. I mean, that's the dream!

Sometimes I meet up with other moms at Target and we grab our venti lattes and walk around the aisles aimlessly, catching up on one another's lives and shopping for clothes and picking up other necessities for our kids. Other times I sneak out of my house when the kids are already asleep, drive over to Target, get a cup of coffee, and take my sweet time trying on clothes for myself, looking at makeup, and shamelessly checking out the Dollar Spot. Usually my Target trips are about everyone else, but on those magical weeknights Target belongs to me and only me.

So yes, I'm a basic Target mom and I know, without a doubt, that I am not alone. Not only are most of my friends also basic Target moms, but I see my kind roaming the aisles and waiting in the self check-out lines. We are not ashamed of who we are. We embrace our new-found stereotypical identity. Because, in the end and always, we have Target. So if you're starting to think you're one of us, here are just a few signs you're a basic Target mom, too:

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You Go In For One Thing & Leave With All Things

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If you're a basic Target mom, there's no way your walking into heaven on earth for just a few, necessary things and actually leaving with just a few, necessary things. Target a wormhole into an alternate dimension of "I need everything in this place. Everything."

You Make Sure Target Is On Your To-Do List At Least Once A Week

I’d go to Target every day if I had the time because I just love that store so damn much, but I work full-time outside the house so that’s not an option. So, I carve out time in my busy schedule for mini-trips to Target at least once a week. It doesn’t even matter if I actually need anything (but let’s be honest, I always need something).

You Actually Get The *Hot* Toys For The Holidays

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I promised, and I mean promised, I would never be that person standing in line before a store opens, just so I can get a "hot" toy of the season.

But there I was, last year, pulling up to Target at some god forsaken hour, before I had to go into work, hunting for those stupid Hatchimals and begging Target employees to tell me all of their secrets. I was never able to purchase one, you guys, but one of my other basic Target mom friends did and she got one for me, too. #FriendshipGoals

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You Boycott The Targets Without A Starbucks

Why do those stores even exist still? Have we not made enough progress in our world to make sure every Target has a Starbucks? Shouldn't we, as a community, figure out how to give each Target a Starbucks? What's better than walking into Target, ordering a caramel macchiato, and then strolling through the aisles with a hot cup of deliciousness? Nothing. The answer is nothing.

Your Kid's First Word Is "Target"

OK, fine. Maybe my kids knew how to say "Target" before they could recite the alphabet.

You Know Where Everything Is

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I have a mental map of Target firmly embedded in my brain, and I swear I know that store better than I know my own home. I know which aisle to hit and which sections of the aisle has exactly what I need. I could probably work at Target and be, like, the most helpful employee. "You need to know where toothpicks with little butterflies on them are? Right this way, ma'am."

Whenever an employee approaches me and asks if he or she could help me find something, I have to refrain from saying, "Please, I know this store better than you do."

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You Experience An Existential Crisis When A Target Is Remodeled

Why, oh why do they do this to me?! And, yes, they are doing this to me. Every time my local Target store remodels, I feel like I'm walking into the Upside Down and not the magical place I know and love.

I've actually boycotted a Target next to my house while they were remodeling. I just couldn't handle all of that change.

You Consider A Trip To Target To Be A Vacation

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Target is great with kids, sure. I mean, you can buy them a bunch of snacks and they'll leave you alone until you approach the toy aisle. But, Target is even better without kids, you guys, because then you can eat all of the snacks yourself and not have to deal with annoying, "Please, please can I have this toy?! I've been so good and I've done all of my chores and I think I deserve a toy" lamentations you know you're going to have to endure.

If I'm going to Target, I enjoy more than anything, to go by myself. Just me and my coffee. A little mini-vacation.

Check out Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:

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