Finding out you’re pregnant is one of the most bizarre things you’ll ever experience, and suddenly realizing you're growing a potential human inside your body can seriously change your life. A woman's reaction to the news can run the gamut, from delightful screams to lamenting cries. I know I was a mixture of emotions each and every time a pregnancy test turned out positive. In fact, there were things I was afraid to admit I felt when I got pregnant, too.
I’ve had very different experiences each time I’ve been pregnant. None of my pregnancies were planned, so that element of surprise was always there. Still, surprise was never the only feeling I experienced. The first time I held a positive pregnancy test in my hands I felt shocked, scared, and unsure, especially since I hadn’t known the father all that long (he is now my husband of five years.) The second time I found out I was pregnant I didn't know what to feel, because it was a rainbow pregnancy. I had lost the previous baby to prematurity, and I was still in grief mode. I didn't really know how to process the thought of another pregnancy, and some of the thoughts and feelings I had felt a bit, well, controversial to share. Simply put, I was scared of being judged.
There's no one-size-fits-all response to pregnancy, though, and women need to know that. You aren't a "bad" woman if you don't feel what society tells you to feel when you find out your pregnant (always excited, never scared, never filled with doubt, just happy all around). So with that in mind, here are some of the feelings I felt when I found out I was pregnant, but was just too afraid to admit to experiencing: