When you have a baby, people tend to talk about postpartum sex like it's a necessary evil. If you ask your OB-GYN or read books or articles about what to expect when you finally have post-childbirth sex, you'll probably learn you should wait at least six weeks, use lube, and avoid freaking out if it's not awesome. As much as we talk about postpartum sex, though, almost nobody's talking about postpartum orgasms. Except me, that is. Why me? Well, because there are so many things people don't say about your first postpartum orgasm, and I think it's time someone, anyone, set the record straight.
I am not ashamed to admit how much I love sex. And it's only got better since I had my last baby. I feel like our culture has got to get over the bullsh*t idea that moms aren't or shouldn't be sexy. The fact is, many moms have great sex, and having great sex and being sexy don't have to stop when you have babies. I mean, yes, sex is totally different now, and less frequent than it used to be when I didn't have children to care for. And, yes, postpartum orgasms are different, too. It took some time, and some taking matters into my own hands, to feel comfortable "getting off," but once I came for the first time postpartum it was amazing. And it took finally being able to orgasm for me to realize that I want and need totally different kinds of stimulation, positions, and activities to finish, especially now that my body has gone through something as traumatic and incredible as childbirth.
Awesome postpartum orgasms are totally a thing, and something we, as parents and a society that claims to value parents, have got to start talking about. So if you are postpartum and in the mood to experiment, break out your vibrator or find a willing partner. You might just find yourself, like me, surprised in the following ways:
So yeah, I didn't orgasm right away. I don't know if it was because I was stressed out about having postpartum sex, having performance anxiety, or you know, had just pushed a baby out of my vagina six weeks prior, but that first time in the sack post-childbirth wasn't great. But once the pressure of that "first time" was out of the way, and my partner and I were able to try some new things? I mean, hot damn.
My first postpartum orgasm was amazing, but it was also really emotional. Thanks to postpartum hormones, and the intensity of the experience, I actually cried.
Postpartum orgasms are, in my experience totally different (and better) than orgasms were before I went through labor and delivery. I don't know if it is was because I feel closer and more intimate with my partner, have no shame about asking for what I want or need to get there, or that they are less frequent, but they feel so different.
I need clitoral stimulation to orgasm now. According to more than a few other woman, I am not alone in that need either. Before kids, I could orgasm easily from all sorts of different foreplay and positions. Now, it's way easier to get there — and way better — if I get direct clitoral stimulation. Sometimes foreplay, oral sex, or masturbation ends up being way more orgasmic than "penis-in-vagina" sex.
Now that I'm postpartum, it's harder to get going and takes longer to reach orgasm, which is sort of a pain in the ass because it seems like the baby has a special ability to sense when my partner and I are having sex and wake up mid-orgasm. Ugh.
Because I'm way more comfortable with my body now, and after doing something as incredible as having babies, I am more communicative with my partner about what I like and what's working, even in the moment. This willingness to communicate in the bedroom made my first postpartum orgasms amazing. Yes, I had more than one. Wow.
If you've been pregnant, you've probably been told you should do Kegels to help tone your pelvic floor and avoid pesky things like peeing when you sneeze after having a baby. Did you know, though, that the same muscles you are toning when you do Kegels contract during orgasms? Do your Kegels, and you just might find that your orgasms get more intense.
It's OK to take things slow and explore the different ways your body works now that you've had a baby. It's not a race. Your body is different now, and it's worth the time it might take to figure out how it works now. Don't be afraid. Amazing orgasms await.
Watch Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:
Check out the entire Romper's Doula Diaries series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.