It's cliché, but true: relationships are a challenge. I can attest to that fact, having been married for five years. As much as I love my husband, there are times when we cross the line; when we say things that should never be said. It happens in every relationship, no matter how new or old, troubled or comfortable. Although each relationship will "test the waters" from time to time, there are certain things that will cause couples to fight almost every time and, ultimately, aren't worth the argument.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. "My partner and I are always 100 percent open and honest with each other about everything, no matter what." That's all good and lovely, until one day it isn't. I'm not advocating for secret keeping or watering down how you really feel, that's not helpful or healthy. I am, however, noting the truth that words matter. And the way you choose to use them (or not use them) can build your relationship up or tear it down.
Whether you're in the beginning stages of a budding romance or are well beyond the "honeymoon years" of your relationship, keeping these conversations out of your mind is a good idea for every couple.
1. They Way Your Mom (Or Dad) Did Things
You may hate the way your SO folds the laundry, but instead of saying "here, this is how my mom did it," try focusing on the fact that they're actually folding the laundry, and leaving it at that. According to the Dr. Laura website, comparing your partner to your parents in any way is dangerou. Being careful not to voice those thoughts, no matter how big or small, can avoid making your partner feel inadequate.
2. That Thing They Did 5 Years Ago That You're Not Totally Over Yet
Bringing up past mistakes is risky business whether you've been together for five months or five decades. One article from Huff Post noted that having a "negative filter" about the past, no matter how recent or distant, is damaging to you both. It prevents you from truly healing and forgiving and prevents them from growing beyond their own mistakes.
That isn't to say that you shouldn't address past hurts, but there is a fine line between letting bygones be bygones and rehashing the past to hurt your partner
3. The Way They Dress Or Look
Unless it's a positive remark, commenting on your partner's fashion preferences or appearance is usually dangerous ground to tread. I'll use myself as an example. My husband has a pair of jorts that he created in a moment of creative "genius." I am not a fan of said jorts, but have learned to stop belittling the shorts and just love him. Because if he ever critiqued my shorts, all hell would break loose.
4. The Way They Compare To Someone Else
Whether it's a past relationship, a friend, or your parents, comparing your SO to anyone ever is a lose lose situation. In fact, Body and Soul noted that even positive comparisons can be dangerous. Instead of comparing, keep things between your partner and you, leaving everyone else out of it.
5. Other People You Find Attractive
Of course, this can be done tastefully, and some relationships are more comfortable with discussing the appearance of others. But, even if you think your husband's new co-worker is really hot, keeping that opinion to yourself is probably in your best interest.
6. Negative Things About Their Family
Even more dangerous than comparing your partner to your parents, mentioning things you dislike about their own family can cause deeper rifts than you imagined. Regardless of their own relationship with their family, Women's Health noted that in-laws pay a large roll in any relationship and saying negative things about them is bound to spiral into a larger issue.
7. Past Sexual Partners
Some couples are more comfortable discussing past sexual experiences than others, but the aforementioned Body and Soul piece noted that talking about sex with anyone else is usually dangerous for the health of your current sex life, whether a positive or a negative remark.
8. Things They "Always" Do
The aforementioned HuffPost piece noted that making broad generalizations about your SO's behavior is almost always a bad idea. Chances are they're not "always negative" and they probably do the things you say they "never" do, but your negative perspective prevents you from noticing. Instead, keep an eye out for the times when they act in a positive way, and work on rewriting your own bias towards them.