I love sleep, I just don't get enough of it. Even before I became a mother, this wonderfully energizing thing called "slumber" escaped me. My brain has always been far too busy to shut off for 6-8 hours. You would think, as someone who has survived on little-to-no sleep since always, I would get used to being exhausted. Yeah, that's a false. I'll probably never get used to it, but I have absolutely become familiar with the passive aggressive things you'll say to your partner when you're sleep deprived. Sorry, babe?
I'm the first to admit, I'm not a morning person — never have been, never will be. Having children who wake before sunrise hasn't transformed me into that person, either. I still remember my childhood school days when my mom would have to literally drag me out of bed to get to class on time. I think, because my brain is so incredibly active and it takes too long to wind down, once I'm in a deep sleep I don't want to be disturbed.
Having a very patient partner who doesn't struggle with the same level of exhaustion as I do (and is happier in the mornings because of it) usually means that when I'm sleep deprived he's on the receiving end of my passive aggressive ways. To be fair, by now my husband should know that taking a step back and letting me have my coffee is the only way to survive the mornings unscathed. Otherwise, he's bound to hear at least a few of the following:
"Sure, I'll Do The Dishes. Again."
When I've been up all night tossing and turning, or assisting a child who refuses to ask their father for help (even when he's closest to the door), I have a very low tolerance for day-to-day chores. Like, I get my things done (and then some), so I shouldn't ever have to ask for help taking care of the house you also live in. Just get in there and contribute.
"I Don't Care"
When I'm in serious need of shut-eye I'll shrug almost everything off. But when I say "I don't care," know that I care. I care a lot. What do I want for breakfast? "I don't care (but I'm craving French toast and can't say it because I want my partner to just know and obviously if he doesn't make French toast he doesn't know me at all)."
"I'm Sure You'll Figure It Out"
Every single person in my home comes to me when they need something, including my partner. Fatigue often brings the mean out of me, so if he's coming at me with the usual, "Where's the [insert thing that's in front of his face]" question, chances are I won't have the energy to answer him seriously. I could tell you where that one thing is, sure, but you could also just figure it out for your damn self.
"Whatever Brings You Joy"
I have a great guy, but by no means is he perfect (hell, who is?). So when he's asked to stay late at work, grab overtime, or play golf, and I need a break from the kids, I'm disappointed when he agrees to go and leaves me behind. He can go, to be sure, but if I'm that tired and need backup I won't be thrilled about it.
"I'd Be Happy If I Slept As Much As You, Too"
Every morning my partner practically dances his way out of our bedroom. He then hums, sings, and whistles his way around the kitchen while I'm barely breathing. "Why aren't you smiling?" he'll ask. "It's a beautiful morning."
Is it? Is it really?
"Must Be Nice"
Sleep deprivation means it's sometimes hard to get through a day. I take in as much caffeine as I can (while trying to be somewhat healthy), but I would be lying if I said I didn't spend a good portion of my day counting down the hours until everyone in my house is in bed.
So anytime my partner brags about how much energy he has or whatever, I kind of just want to scream.
"Just Forget It"
If I tell someone not to worry about it, what I'm really saying is, "I don't have the energy to repeat what I said so listen harder the first time or miss out on whatever poignant thought I just shared."
"You Do You, Boo"
Honestly, when I'm sleep-deprived there isn't much my partner can do right. It's not his fault, it's mine, and I'm working on it. If he asks if I'd like him to stop singing in the morning, I can't burst his bubble outright. That's just cruel.
Yes, my hair's a mess, my clothes are stained with coffee, dinner's burnt, and the kids are arguing over everything. But I'm fine, dear. I don't need any help. We're fine. Everything's fine.