Let's face it: feminist moms are changing the game. Not only do feminist moms teach their children body positivity, are quick to bend gender binaries, and would never even think about subtly slut-shaming their children (all of which essentially changes the types of conversations parents have with their kids), they're also changing what parents do not say to their children. What's considered "normal" parent-kid rhetoric is evolving. Feminist mothers are more inclusive, more open-minded, and definitely more aware of how past parenting decisions have negatively influenced children.
A conversation parents and children are having that has no doubt changed substantially, is the "sex talk." What once struck fear into the hearts of parents the world over is now considered, by so many more parents, to be nothing more than a wonderful opportunity to educate children on safe, consensual sex within a context that lays the early groundwork for a more complex, open-ended concept of sexuality. Feminist mothers especially do not see the sex talk as a scary foray into devious sexual behavior. They see it as a necessary talk that will ensure that when their kid starts to be sexually active, they will do so safely and consensually, and with a sex-positive, body-positive mindset. I mean, ideally. We're obviously not the only forces acting on how our kids feel about themselves and their bodies and sex, but like, we're fighting the good fight.
Feminist mothers don't believe in controlling their kids' bodies. We don't believe in striking fear and terror into kids, using abstinence-only sex education, or boatloads of misinformation to try and sway young adults into prolonging sexual activity. That's just not the name of the feminist game. So, with that in mind, here are nine things feminist moms refuse to say to their children about sex.
"Sex Is Bad"
A feminist mother isn't going to teach her children that sex is inherently bad, or that their sexual desires are something to be ashamed of. In fact, feminist mothers are sex-positive and, when speaking about sex with their children, will work toward de-stigmatizing an otherwise natural and very normal part of human existence. They also won't speak ill of one specific kind of sexuality. Homosexual, heterosexual, pansexual, asexual... All are valid and all are to be respected.
"Sex Is Only To Be Had After You Get Married"
While some people might teach that sex is to be saved for marriage, a feminist mother will refuse to shackle her children to dangerous limitations that chastise people for simply being themselves. If a person wants to wait to have sex until they are married, that is wonderful. But if a person doesn't want to wait to have sex until they're married, and instead chooses to have sex with multiple partners and (gasp) maybe never get married at all, that is also wonderful.
"How Much Sex And Who You Have It With And When You Have It All Defines Who You Are"
Having sex, or not having sex, or even the kind of sex you may or may not have, does not define you. You are more than the product of your sexual choices, the people you've had sex with, or your sexual preferences. An individual's sexuality is just one facet of their complex identity, and in no way does it define who a person is, or who they will become.
"Sex Is Dangerous"
Sure, sex can be dangerous, but it is usually dangerous when vital information is kept from the people who need it most. For example, abstinence-only sex education has shown to increase the number of sexually transmitted diseases. Sex is not dangerous when it is consensual and safe, and both aspects can be taught to young adults.
"Sex Shouldn't Be Talked About"
Simply put, our culture is a weird one. While sexuality is used to market products and promote companies, it is also considered somewhat taboo. A woman should deny her sexuality, but women's sexuality is used in the majority of advertisements. It's an odd message we're sending our children: don't talk about sex, but hey, look! On that billboard right there! It's sex!
The truth is, sex is not taboo, and nothing that should even be remotely whispered about. Learning to openly and authentically speak about sex and sexuality is vital to ensuring that sex is always consensual, and always safe. It's also an extremely important part in ensuring that your kid, when (if) they do have sex, will not feel personal shame.
The Idea That Sex Is Ever Something You Owe Someone
Never, ever do you ever owe anyone sex. It doesn't matter if they bought you dinner or they were nice or you were flirting with them. Your body is not currency, and you are not indebted to a person that requires physical, sexual contact as a form of payment.
The Idea That Consent Isn't Always Required For Any Kind Of Physical Contact
There is no such thing as non-consensual sex. That's rape. Sex is always consensual.
"Sex Is Scary"
While it is more than understandable that someone feel nervous, or even a little scared, when they first start exploring their sexuality (either by themselves or with a partner), sex doesn't have to be scary. Often times, the fear associated with sex comes from misinformation, or simply no information at all. The more you know about sex, the less scary it becomes. After all, knowledge is power.
"Sex Is Gross"
Sex isn't disgusting. Masturbating isn't gross, and sexual intercourse isn't nasty. They're normal, healthy expressions that every human has a right to (consensually, of course) experience. When we tell our children that sex is gross, we're telling them that their bodies are gross. And that's just not something any feminist mom is keen to do.