Megan Zander

I'm a recovering divorce attorney turned SAHM to twin toddlers. I'm a big fan of running and a bigger fan of frosting. Yearning for the day that leg warmers are back in style.

Premature Labor Makes Everything 1000x Times Harder

When I found myself a newly minted member of the NICU parents club, what struck me is how the being in the neonatal intensive care unit is one of the few times when art imitates life and gets it right, when what you see in movies is just like the…
By Megan Zander

I Went To Disney Without Taking A Million Photos & It's The Only Way I'll Vacation From Now On

When you imagine taking your kids to Disney World, you envision a Travel Channel worthy collage of all the pictures you'll pose for — smiling in front of Cinderella's Castle, hugging Mickey Mouse, eating mega sundaes together with hot fudge…
By Megan Zander

We're A Family Of Four On $87,000, & This Is How Much We Dropped On Disney

Raising a child supposedly costs you a quarter of a million dollars, but it can honestly be more daunting to face the idea of spending $80 on bottle nipples in a single month. Expense Report gives us a look into the spending, scrimping, and wishing…
By Megan Zander

13 Things Exhausted New Moms Say, And What They Really Mean

New moms have a ton going on. We're dealing with their own needs (looking at you, stitches in places we can't see without using yoga moves and a mirror), as well as taking care of an adorable but 100-percent-reliant-on-them little person. With so…
By Megan Zander

I Didn't "Cheat" By Using IVF To Get Pregnant

Having twins makes you a mini-celebrity, whether you want it to or not. A double stroller complete with two kids who look similar in age and are dressed alike tends to attract baby fans like an ice cream truck draws kids during the summer. Unless…
By Megan Zander

I Tried Training My Partner Like A Dog

A few months ago, my family got an adorable Cocker Spaniel puppy named Caleb. I had read up on training a pup, and I was so excited to spend the summer teaching my dog all sorts of tricks. But my dreams of performing a doggie and me tap duet were…
By Megan Zander

Stop Joking About How Mommy Needs Her Wine

"Mommy Juicebox." "Wine not Whine." "It's Wine o'clock." Jokes about moms and drinking are a huge part of parenting culture. In fact, the idea that moms need a glass of wine after the kids go to bed in order to cope with the stress of parenting is…
By Megan Zander

Zumba Helped Me Love My Postpartum Body

As much as I loved my twin boys when they were born, I didn't feel the same way about my postpartum body. Months on bedrest made my muscles and joints loose, and on top of that, I was recovering from a c-section. My new body felt totally strange and…
By Megan Zander

I Tried Parenting Like A Russian

Different cultures have different ways of raising children. We all love to work a good red, white, and blue lewk around the 4th of July, but the truth is that American parenting isn't necessarily the best way out there. While watching House Hunters…
By Megan Zander

I Put Snail Mucus On My Skin For A Week

People are willing to try almost anything in the name of beauty. Whether it's adding urine to your night cream or getting a vampire facial á la Kim Kardashian, some people will try nearly anything in the name of vanity. I am one of them. One of the…
By Megan Zander

My C-Section Made Me Feel Like A Total Badass

When you meet a new mom, one of the first topics of conversation that always comes up is your birth story. I don't know if this impulse is encoded in our DNA, or if the doctors perform some strange procedure on us while we're recovering in the…
By Megan Zander

Props To Beyonce, Because Carrying Twins Sucks

When Beyonce dropped the photos from her Push Party recently, like all the other mere mortals on the planet I was in complete awe of her. She looked beautiful as always, with a goddess vibe that I never, ever had when I was pregnant with my own…
By Megan Zander

The "Clean Eating" Fad Isn't For Everyone

If you've ever looked up healthy recipes on Pinterest or turned to Instagram for some fitness inspiration, then you've probably seen recipes and foods called or tagged as "clean eating." Generally speaking, clean eating is a term used to describe a…
By Megan Zander

Why I Don't Let My Sons Play Rough

The other day, I was dealing with the usual post-preschool chaos - unpacking half-eaten lunches, hanging up backpacks and going through folders for notices about yet another fundraiser — when one of my four-year-olds started play-fighting with his…
By Megan Zander

My 15-Minute "Sexy Saturday" Self-Care Routine

Before I had my twins, I spent every morning getting fully made up for work. I worked in a courtroom, so the dress code required me to wear suits, dresses, heels, and pantyhose 5 days a week. As much as I loved my job, when I became a stay-at-home…
By Megan Zander

I Tried To Get Over My Crippling Phone Addiction

My addiction to my phone started four years ago, when I became a mom. Before then, I rarely used a computer. I didn't have a Facebook account, and I couldn't tell you the first thing about Pinning something. My phone didn't even do real emojis or…
By Megan Zander

I'm A Whole 30 Dropout, & Proud Of It

I was 10 years old when I went on my first diet. Puberty had hit me hard: seemingly overnight, I developed these C-cups that were the object of envy/ fascination for my classmates, as well as rolls in my stomach that were never there before. Still,…
By Megan Zander

If Ivanka Trump's 'Women Who Work' Were Honest

Ivanka Trump's much-hyped book Women Who Work: Rewriting the Rules For Success was released earlier this week. The book is being touted as a how-to guide for millennial women trying to find the balance between work and their personal lives. Yet…
By Megan Zander

I Tried Gwyneth Paltrow's Sex Dust

When it comes to getting in the mood for sex, I'm a simple gal. Hand me a bowl of cherries or show me the trailer for any of the Magic Mike movies, and I'm pretty much open for business. But celebrities have their own way of doing things. When she…
By Megan Zander

I Put Unicorn Makeup On My 4-Year-Old Sons

For a creature that doesn't actually exist, unicorns are impossible to avoid right now. From the patterned leggings you pull on in the morning to the frappuccino you grab during your mid-afternoon Starbucks run, it's possible to spend your entire…
By Megan Zander