If you don't understand the difference between stress and anxiety, odds are you've never been diagnosed with any kind of anxiety disorder. Parents are infamous for telling tales of stress and anxiety, but for those of us who have been clinically diagnosed with some sort of anxiety disorder, the parental struggle that most people talk about seems more like a walk through the park than a day in the circus. There's a big difference between the two, and understanding that difference will help you avoid saying things you should never say to a parent dealing with anxiety that, you know, inevitably make it all worse.
I was diagnosed with anxiety shortly after the birth of my second child. I assumed I was dealing with postpartum depression again, or that I was just muddling through a difficult time in my life, but it turned out to be a much more serious situation. The journey that was me working towards accepting that I did, in fact, have anxiety was a frustrating one, but coming to terms with it was important not just for my own well-being, but my family's, too.
Like most parents, I just want what's best for my boys. Most days, I feel more than capable of being their mother, but it hasn't always been so easy for me. My underlying anxiety made the hard days that much harder, and it got so bad some days that I questioned my ability to be a mother at all. Thankfully, I sought treatment, and through a lot of trial and error, I've been able to manage my anxiety and depression in a way that doesn't completely numb my ability to be present. It's an ongoing process, and it might always be that way, but I'm willing to do the work for the sake of my family. In other words, if I have to wake up every day and fight, I will. That fight, however, is made exponentially harder when I'm also fighting the stigma and the misunderstanding of anxiety disorders.
If I had a dime for every time someone said one of the following things to me, I could probably retire. Yes, really. So if you've got a friend with anxiety, who also happens to be fighting the added stress of parenthood, do them a favor and just don't says any of the following things to them.