woman with natural hair and sweater around shoulders
Courtesy of Pepper M. Martin

7 "Compliments" People Say About Your Hair That Are Insulting AF


As a woman rocking my natural hair, I've learned to embrace and love my kinky curls. It’s pretty safe to assume that I love my hair and I know this may sound a tab bit vain, but I do. I’m very protective of my kinks. But for some, falling in love with their hair might be difficult due to a history of receiving compliments about hair that are insults. Or as I like to call them, backhand compliments.

For many people in today's society, insulting others is like a past time. Their targets are usually the ones who go against the mainstream grain or make up their own rules to display their individuality. And because the backhander doesn't know how to say something nice, they sugar coat their nastiness in the form of a compliment. That's right there's a Backhand Brittany or Bianca lurking on Instagram or Facebook with twiddling fingers ready to throw some shade. But there can also be those who don’t intend to sound mean, it can just come out wrong. Even with good intentions, some comments can still be pretty hateful and shady. And if so you can always beat them at the punch. Just allow me to give you the heads ups with these seven "compliments" about hair that are insults.


"I Love Your Carefree Look."

Translation: Your hair is a mess. You must not care how it looks to others.

I don't care how it looks to others, and I live for rocking a wild messy head full of curls. It's liberating to be free from the normal and just let the wind have it way with my hair.


"I Love When You Wear Your Hair Straight/Curly!"

Translation: You should wear your hair straight/curly.

Don't waste your time having this conversation. This topic usually includes a list of people they believe you look like and think if you just make a couple changes to your look, you too can look like the newest real housewife.


"You Must Use Tons Of Product."

Tanja Ivanova, Getty images

Translation: I heard you have to use tons of product in your hair to make it soft.

I think because society and social media have blown the natural's girl routine wash day out of proportion, many believe we are using everything in the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator to achieve soft manageable hair. I admit I'm a bit of product junkie, but I don't put everything on my hair at once.


"Your Weave/Wig Looks Amazing!"

Translation: That can't be your hair. It must be a weave.

Seriously, there is no shame in my game. I wear weaves, wigs, and braids in my hair. I love to mix my look up when I want to mix it up. Not because some has suggested it.


"You’re So Brave For Wearing Your Hair Like That."

Translation: I could never wear my hair like that.

That's good, because I would never ask anyone to wear their hair like mine or anyone else. So if it's brave to embrace my nature hair texture and rock it, I will take that. Thank you!


"This Hairstyle Make You Look Younger"

Translation: Your last hairstyle aged you. You look much younger.

I've never been a fan of this backhand compliment, because every woman on the face of earth loves when a new style make her look and feel younger. Trust me on a bad day you will still look younger than the person who slide this so called compliment in on you.


"Your Hair Is So Nice. You Must Be Mixed."

Translation: You can't have good hair and not be mixed.

Historically, this statement is true. I'm sure my genealogy might reveal other nationalities within my gene pool, but this is none of your business. My hair is nice period.