At the risk of sounding truly ancient, when it comes to modern day slang words, I can hardly keep up with all the new terms. It seems like every day there’s a new expression for something that I have no clue how to translate. One thing I've always been particularly proud of, however, is my ability to interpret hilarious slang words for private parts. Yes, I know, this makes me sound like I have the comedic affinity of a
teenage boy. And you know what, maybe I do. But there’s nothing better than inserting some funny names for private parts into conversation with your very closest pals.
Sure, these words might not be something you want to pass along to your young children. After all, it's important not to use euphemisms when discussing anatomy with kids. But think of how funny it would be if you managed to explain to your partner that your kid bit you in the “gazongas.” Or to tell your friends that your dumplings are a little sore. Colorful and creative language to describe your most precious parts is not only fun, it's funny, too. So instead of talking about your vagina like it's
just your vagina, why not introduce some funny nicknames for it that elevate it to the next level? 1 Tuckus
My personal favorite slang words for butt, “tuckus” is a euphemism for booty.
You can drum on 'em, but don't drum too hard. Drums or boobs? “Bongos” is perfectly acceptable slang for your boobs.
3 Dumplings Sellwell/Moment/Getty Images
Just like melons, referring to my boobs as dumplings tends to make me hungry.
My what now? My blorps? Is this an alien thing? Nope, just a fun way to say ‘boobs.’
I'm bringing this one back, and my grandmother would be proud. Rather than referring to my backside as my badonkadonk, I'm reaching deep into the slang of my childhood to call my buns my fanny from now on.
Though you might want to think twice before slapping them around, patticakes has been used instead of “boobs” for some time.
8 The Silent Flute
Do you play the silent flute? Silent flute is another way of saying — you guessed it — penis.
9 Juicy Double
Need yet another new funny nickname for your private parts? How about referring to your booty as a juicy double? Sounds like a menu item at Wendy's to me
, but that didn't keep Sir Mix A Lot from using it in his hit “Baby Got Back.” 10 Cupid's Warehouse
Well. This is one of the more affectionate slang terms we’ve ever heard for vagina.
You don't need to hop on a plane to take a trip down to the Netherlands, it's true. People have been using “The Netherlands” as a term for vagina for hundreds of years.
I still remember middle school boys using “gazongas” as slang for boobs, which means this funny name for a private part must qualify as a golden oldie at this point.
How fun is this word to say? So fun. Thanks to Slate for introducing this slang for testicles into my life.
14 Arbor Vitae
Arbor Vitae is a slang word for penis that's been around since 1732. Arbor vitae? The tree of life? These just keep getting better.
15 Cakes thianchai sitthikongsak/Moment/Getty Images
I'd much rather talk about cakes all day than talk about my butt. Little did I know, “cakes” is slang for your butt. Joke's on me.
Tried and true, “kahunas” is a funny nickname for boobs.
17 Staff Of Life
I can't wait to refer to a penis as the “staff of life” the next time I get the chance.
18 Tunnel Of Love
The next time your partner wants to go on a trip, ask them to take a trip to the Tunnel of Love first. Tunnel of love is common slang term for vagina.
19 Petticoat Lane
If you were looking for a way to describe your nether regions saucily (yet delicately) in the 1700s, apparently “Petticoat Lane” was the way to go.
Another term from Buzzfeed, this is one I'll never forget. Because... how could I?
Though this one totally reminds me of
Elf (cotton headed ninny muggins anyone?), I think using “nuggins” as a term for testicles is too fun to pass up. 22 Vertical Bacon Sandwich
Just close your eyes and imagine a vertical bacon sandwich. Yeah, you get the resemblance now, right? Using “vertical bacon sandwich” as slang for your vagina is, well, certainly a choice you could make.
23 Aphrodisiacal Tennis Court
I've never heard this used in conversation before, but now I'm making it my goal in life to refer to somebody's vagina by using this term.
24 Temporary Lodging
Since you're really not letting your partner spend all night in there, why not adopt “temporary lodging” as a funny nickname for your vagina?
25 Smothers Brothers
Looking for something a little more aggressive to call the twins? Might as well call them the “Smothers Brothers.”
26 Field Of Dreams
This isn't just the name of an incredible movie. Field of dreams is also your new favorite slang term for describing your vagina. After all, it is where dreams come true.
27 Rule Of Three
If you're looking for slang to encompass the penis and the testicles, look no further. Referring to the whole package as the “rule of three” dates back to the 1700s — apparently a great moment for coming up with funny names for private parts.
Also known as Spanish for eggs, feel free to use “huevos” as slang for testicles the next time you feel like getting bilingual.
Giggleberries is another delightful slang word for testicles. And so much fun to say.
30 Meat-A-Ball-As Cris Cantón/Moment/Getty Images
Say it out loud, with an Italian accent, and you'll get a dramatic and funny way to refer to your boobs. I think Don Corleone would be proud too.
Oh the gitzi, the good ole gitzi. This one comes from a family friend, and it's just so much more fun to say than vagina, isn't it?
32 The Dream Team
If you really believed in yourself, and your boobs, this is the private part nickname for you.
33 Twin Peaks Twin Peaks is a classic and so are your boobs, so this funny nickname for a private part is really just a natural fit.
With these 33 rather unusual funny names for private parts in your lexicon, let the winky conversations with your besties flow.
This article was originally published on
Feb. 6, 2017