When a friend or a loved one tells you they’ve had a miscarriage, it can be difficult to know what to say. If you weren’t aware that they were pregnant, your initial reaction may be surprise mixed with sadness. If you feel lost for words, here you’ll find some ideas for what to put in a stillbirth or miscarriage care package.
I had a miscarriage in February, and while it was both physically and emotionally painful, one of the things that helped was that I felt supported. A friend in New York had bagels and lox delivered to my house one morning, another brought over soup and pads and a heating pad (plus a bottle of wine). A bouquet of white tulips appeared one morning on my doorstep. I still don’t know who quietly left my favorite snack, peanut butter filled pretzels, in the mailbox. My husband’s friend sent a candle that smelled comforting, like a campfire.
Months later as I write this, I can itemize everything I received in a way I never can after a birthday or Christmas, because these gifts, no matter how big or small, were a small kindness that made me feel less alone. These miscarriage care package ideas will help a loved one feel supported, whether you’re near or far.
We only include products that have been independently selected by Romper's editorial team. However, we may receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article. 1 Soft & Cozy Lounge Pants
A new pair of lounge pants always feels decadent, especially when they’re made of a sweater-liked ribbed material like these, which are high-waisted with a wide leg and a lettuce hem that gives them a little flair. Whether your friend is planning to rest up in bed for a few days or keep busy with errands, these pants will keep them cozy.
In the days after a miscarriage, there may be soreness and pain in the abdomen, and loose, comfortable clothing is key. Another good idea is a cozy sweatshirts or a jogger with a cuffed ankle (
Beyond Yoga and Old Navy both have great options at varying price points). 2 Bath Salts
A bath is both comforting and gives you something to do in the days after miscarriage where time seems to move slowly. These bath salts smell like calming lavender and vanilla, and the sweetly botanical scent will fill the whole bathroom. This blend is made with several different kinds of salt, including epsom which can help relieve pain and soothe sore muscles or aches and pains.
You could give a whole set of bath stuff including a scrubber and a rich moisturizer to use afterward. If your friend isn’t much of a bath person, a body scrub that can be used in the shower is a sweet idea.
Malibu Made Body Scrub from C & The Moon leaves skin super soft and smells like a vanilla cupcake. 3 A Paint-By-Sticker Book
Sometimes the gift of distraction during a hard time is really appreciated. I love paint-by-stickers because, unlike other art projects, they’re not messy at all and can be done from the comfort of bed or while watching TV. You peel each sticker, then place it in its designated spot and watch your image come to life; in this case, all of the pages are different vintage posters. The peeling and the placing are very meditative and satisfying, and it’s a time consuming project that’s totally soothing.
Another similar idea would be to gift a pretty adult coloring book with a beautiful set of colored pencils, and of course, offer your company with your loved one if she’s up for it.
4 A Bouquet Of Flowers
If you’re not sure what to get your friend, sister, or loved one who had a miscarriage, flowers are always a safe bet. These gorgeous black and white blooms are anemones, and they’re delivered straight to their door from Farmgirl Flowers. It includes 20 stems, but does not come with a vase.
If you’d rather gift a bouquet that lasts for a (very) long time, opt instead for one of the brand’s
preserved bouquets, which feature 40 stems that are made-to-last using a blend of wax and alcohol, which, unlike drying, preserves the flowers shape and flexibility, and is scented with a light floral smell. 5 Drop Off Food & Drinks
One of the kindest things friends and family did for my husband and me after the miscarriage was deliver food, and gift cards to local restaurants and food delivery. It took away the stress of meal planning and grocery shopping, and allowed us to indulge in some of our favorite comfort foods with plenty of leftovers.
One friend dropped off pho for me the day after, and that was a perfectly comforting food that still had some nutrients. Others delivered soup and a bottle of wine. One of my favorites, which was left on my stoop so I didn’t have to answer the door, was a freshly squeezed coconut water from the Thai place, which I didn’t even realize was exactly what I needed. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive; sometimes the little things are the most appreciated.
6 A Comforting Candle
A sweet smelling candle can make everything seem a little better for a few minutes. This one from Pigmint has a delicious, earthy yet comforting fig smell. The brand has other scents to choose from; personally my other favorite is their Jasmine Botanika scent, which is a lovely blend of jasmine, and other flowers like lilies, gardenia, and rose, plus a hint of citrus and some more heady scents like amber, patchouli, and white musk.
Otherland is another candle brand that makes a gorgeous presentation because their vessels are super pretty (and repurpose beautifully as makeup brush or pen holders); plus they have seasonal scents that feel elevated yet warm and inviting. 7 A CBD Oil
A little bit of CBD oil can make it that much easier to relax or fall asleep, even while grieving (the oil is non-intoxicating but can promote a feeling of calm or well-being). There are tons of CBD products to choose from, but this oil from Lure has a light and minty taste, and it’s organically grown in the United States. The dropper makes it so the dose is easily adjustable (your friend can opt for a half or a full dropper, or just a few drops) that they’ll hold the liquid under their tongue for about 60 seconds, then swallow.
This is a gift they may not think to buy themselves, plus it’ll look chic on their vanity.
8 A Hot Water Bottle
I adore my hot water bottle for everything from cramps to just warming up on a cold days. Unlike heating pads (which also make great gifts for someone experiencing miscarriage) you don’t have to worry about forgetting to unplug these bottles, or them getting too hot. If you’re unfamiliar, you just heat water and (carefully) pour it into the body of the water bottle. It has a little “sweater” so it’s not too hot for the touch.
This is super warming and comforting in the days after miscarriage, and it also helps to relieve some of the pain and lingering cramps.
9 A Book About Grief
My friend sent me this book in the days after my miscarriage and it was extremely comforting. I appreciated that the book wasn’t about miscarriage or stillbirth or pregnancy, but it still touched on many of the things that I was feeling and helped me feel a sense of solace.
The book is about the power of rest and stillness in unforeseen times. As Elizabeth Gilbert writes on her blurb on the book’s back cover, “Katherine May thoughtfully examines the emotional, spiritual, and geographical reality of the cold times, the dark days, and those periods of our lives when things are neither soft nor easy. In doing so, she offers a great and human service to her readers: she shows us that wintering cannot be avoided, but need not be feared.”
10 A Remembrance Bracelet
One of the most compassionate things you can do to support a loved one who had a miscarriage is to honor and acknowledged their loss, and not immediately try to talk them out of feeling sad by saying things like, “well, at least you know you can get pregnant.”
This leather bracelet features a line from the famous E.E. Cummings poem, “I Carry Your Heart.” The words,
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in mind heart) are burned onto the leather bracelet, so they will not fade over time.
This is a meaningful and thoughtful gift, and it comes in two colors: either brown or metallic rose gold. The lobster clasp helps it fit even the smallest wrists.
11 Offer To Take Their Kids Out To Do Something Special
I would imagine that it’s both comforting and difficult to have older kids around when experiencing a miscarriage. On the one hand, hugs and snuggles from a little one can make it easier, but on the other hand, it may be overwhelming for a little kid to see their parents so upset, and that can put more stress on the adults.
You could offer to take your friends’ children out for lunch or to a playground to give the parents a bit of a break. Maybe the mom wants to cry without frightening their child, or take a solo bath without being barged in on. As long as you’re okay with the answer being, “no, thank you,” you may be surprised by how much your gesture means.
12 Soft Socks
In the days following a miscarriage, your friend may take a few days off from work and plan to lay low. A gift that will make her feel as comfy as possible in these days of healing will always be appreciated, and what’s more cozy and luxe than a pair of cashmere socks? These are knitted in Scotland and are warm while still being breathable (just note that they’re called “bed socks” because cashmere isn’t as durable as wool or cotton for walking around in).
If it’s in your budget, you could also opt for a buttery soft cashmere blanket or throw, which feels like a warm hug and will be a forever favorite item.