Screw 2020 and the apocalypse horseman who rode it in. Let's kick its butt to the curb in the style fitting the occasion — separately, in our own homes, while drinking from whatever glass is handy. While the idea of a perfect Zoom New Year's Eve bash might sound like an oxymoron, I swear, you might never go back to fancy parties with way too high Uber fees.
First things first: if you make the Zoom link, you're the host of this shindig, and therefore, it's on you. The theme, the time, the dress code, whatever. I don't make the rules, that's just how it is. It seems like a pain, but really, it will be a lot of fun if you make it that way. Also this year, we're not buying respiratory droplet spray cones, aka those little blow-horns with streamers and noise. In fact, we are never buying those again. They are dead. Even in our own homes, blowing our spit everywhere no longer seems like a great idea. But you can still toss confetti, you can still listen to Ryan Seacrest countdown a ball drop, and you can still time Forrest Gump so that "Happy New Year, Lieutenant Dan" is the first thing you hear at 12 a.m. And you can have a great Zoom party.