For some, trying to get pregnant is much harder than it sounds. If you're not missing that seemingly small ovulation window, your body might just up and reject all that tries to come within a five-foot distance (because, you know, hormones). Because everyone fancies themselves an expert these days, you'll inevitably hear a bunch of creepy things people say when you're trying to get pregnant, whether the advice is warranted or not (spoiler alert: it's usually not).
When my partner and I tried to get pregnant for a second time, we endured two years of weird suggestions and questions and unsolicited comments from those we knew (and even from those we didn't). My gynecologist weighed in and my friends weighed in and my family had some feelings and, well, I found myself wondering, "Why do you all want to insert yourself into my sexual practices? After all, pregnancy (for me) involves the personal relations I have with my partner, and whether or not those creations end up making a baby. Something so personal (and usually physically and emotionally exhaustion) shouldn't be up for debate or scrutiny and definitely shouldn't result in you sitting through some outright creepy comments.
No matter who's asking the strange questions or suggesting embarrassing tips and tricks, it's time to shut it down. So, with that in mind, here are some of the creepy things people say when you're trying to get pregnant that, sadly, I've heard firsthand (and wouldn't mind never hearing again).
"All That Practice Must Be Fun!"
I'm sorry but have you ever had conception sex? It's on a whole other level than any other type of intimacy you my or may not have experienced. While it can be fun, romantic, and even hot to get between the sheets with procreation in mind, these love-making sessions happen so often they tend to feel more like a business transaction.
When my partner and I tried for baby number two, we scheduled it in the calendar and sometimes even dreaded it — gasp! It's just the nature of the circumstance. The goal is to make a human so we did what was needed, even at times when we didn't particularly feel in the mood. I mean, how much sex can a couple have anyway? (No need to comment because I've heard these responses, too.)
"Have You Tried [Insert Particular Method Here]?"
You mean have I tried laying with my sock-covered feet in the air for 3o minutes immediately after the act to, "keep the sperm in there?" Have I tasted baboon urine to boost my fertility? Maybe I should rearrange my house to be more Feng Shui so everything is aligned properly and energy can flow.
No matter what you're suggesting, I may or may not have tried it and even if I haven't, it's none of your business.
"Maybe You Should Just Adopt"
Of course when trying to get pregnant you go through all viable options, including adoption. Personally, I wanted to conceive and carry myself because I wanted to experienced pregnancy, labor and delivery. However, that's hat's just me and I'm well aware that others may want differently.
Suggesting adoption really isn't helpful, though. In fact, it's actually insulting to think we haven't thought of it (and it's many, many expenses) already, so thanks but no thanks.
"Have You Tried Mixing Things Up In the Bedroom?"
Why people feel the need to say the most personal things when you're trying to conceive is beyond me. As if I'm going to just jump in and say, "I hadn't thought of that. Thank you! We'll head to the sex store and pickup some toys!"
Besides, just "mixing things up" isn't enough to get a woman's complicated body pregnant. Trust me.
"Have You had His Sperm/Her Ovaries Examined?"
Um, excuse me? Have I what now? Yes, this has been asked of me and my partner and yes, I was appalled.
While the person asking such a personal and intimate (not to mention medical) question such as this probably has good intentions, how about no. Let's just not make any inquiries about mine or my partner's fertility. Nope.
"Maybe Your Partner Isn't Interested In You..."
What sperm and ovaries do during and after sex has nothing to do with how attracted you and your partner are to one another. It helps, but to procreate? Not even a little bit.
"Have You Prayed About It?"
My religious beliefs and practices are also on a long list of things I never want to discuss with relative strangers (and, honestly, sometimes even family members and friends).
If you're a devout prayer-warrior or an atheist, it makes no difference as to why anyone is saying this to a woman trying to get pregnant. What I'm praying for is none of your concern.
"Take My Kids For A Day And You'll Change Your Mind"
I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way.
Instead of taking the very thing for granted those of us have desperately tried for (or are still currently trying for), maybe now would be best for you to bite your tongue. When my partner and I decided to get pregnant again, no amount of bratty kids at the grocery store could have changed our minds. I wanted to be a mother. Period. The end. So please, keep your kids and your comments to yourself.
"It Always Happens When You Stop Trying"
Does it? Thank you so much for saving me from more private time with my partner! I always thought babies were made by having sex but you're telling me we should stop? Problem solved on so many levels!
"Don't Be Disappointed If It Doesn't Happen For You"
The fact is, pregnancy doesn't happen for everyone — no matter how much effort someone puts into trying and how much they hope for a pregnancy to happen — and it sucks. It's frustrating enough to fight against your body's mechanics without having people attempting to police your emotions about the entire experience. So, suggesting a woman shouldn't be sad doesn't make anyone feel any better and doesn't end up creating a pregnancy.
Regardless of how long you've been trying to conceive, the next time anyone says one of the above, tell them to mind their own biscuits (and then some).