Life
If you're like most of us living in this social media-dominated culture, you start planning out your holiday-themed posts weeks, maybe even months, in advance. (Oh, stop it, you know you do.) And with 2018 incomprehensibly just around the corner, that means you're beginning to formulate your funny New Year's captions for Facebook right about now. It's quite a bit of effort, after all, if you aren't content to dash off a generalized "Happy 2018," add a few party hat emojis, and call it a day.
The options are endless, really. You could go the serious resolution route, and share a politicized quote about changing the world. You could do the inspirational thing, and borrow a line or two from the Book of Oprah. Or you could post a meme of a grumpy cat covered in confetti to express just how over it you really are. Decisions, decisions!
In the end, though, you can't go wrong with humor. Maybe you're one of those lucky talented souls with a knack for tweeting pithy observations that instantly go viral. If that's the case, then you probably don't need any help from us. But if you're finding yourself in need of a little inspiration, then check out our list of suggestions for captions that are sure to rack up the "likes" and shares. There's no better way to start the year off on the right foot!
1
"Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account." — Oscar Wilde
Making overambitious resolutions, which we're all guilty of, is a lot like writing a bad check when you think about it: You're all like, "Sure, I can afford this! I've got lots of cash in the bank!" And then the universe is all like, "Nah, insufficient funds."
2
"Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can being paving hell with them as usual." — Mark Twain
Haha, good one, Mark Twain. We all have such high hopes for ourselves during those early weeks of January, don't we? Maybe it's better to set the bar a bit lower, so we aren't so surprised when March rolls around and we're driving our metaphorical car off a cliff.
3
"My New Year's Resolution is to pilot a commercial jet plane." — Phoebe Buffay
Who else but Phoebe from Friends would make a resolution like this one? You, that's who. At least on Facebook, where you'll show everyone that you're a.) Up for anything! b.) Also aware of the fact that some of your ideas are completely insane and c.) just being honest.
4
"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average...which means, you have met your New Year's resolution."—Jay Leno
We don't have the official numbers on how many New Year's resolutions have to do with food, but we're gonna say... a lot? We're also gonna say that most of those resolutions are abandoned by February for good reason — they're ridiculous and we look fly.
5
“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”—Bill Vaughan
See ya, 2017! It's safe to say nobody will miss you. (Hey, remember when we said this back in 2016 and we didn't think things could get any worse?) Either way there are two types of people who approach New Years: those who are hopeful for the year ahead, and those who are so glad to burn the previous year to the ground (metaphorically).
6
This New Year's Eve, I hope you find the real Moby.
In one of the all-time best episodes of How I Met Your Mother ("The Limo"), the gang spends New Year's Eve caught up in a fruitless search for the perfect party with a guy who turns out not to be famed musician Moby after all. Any HIMYIM fans will immediately appreciate the sentiment offered here.
7
"The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears." — W.H. Auden
Okay, so we don't have brothels anymore. The point still stands: Come midnight, there is bound to be someone partnerless who has to stand there awkwardly while everyone around them finds someone to smooch with. Also, can we just say that New Year's Eve hookups always end badly? Who wants to start 2018 ghosting (or getting ghosted) by some friend of a friend who wasn't even invited to the party in the first place?
8
"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to." — P.J. O'Rourke
Ring in the New Year like Absolutely Fabulous's Patsy and Edina at a wine-tasting, and 2018 is bound to be an interesting one, sweetie. (Though maybe champers would be a more appropriate drink?) Cheers, darling!
9
"I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second." — Helen Fielding, 'Bridget Jones’s Diary'
Seriously. The first of the year is no time for heroic self-improvement measures: It's a time for naps, and coffee, and also naps because last night was rough.
10
"You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I'm only going to dread one day at a time." — Charlie Brown
Now that's a resolution we can actually get behind. Leave it to Charlie Brown, the king of low expectations, to give us a goal we can achieve (or at least try to).
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