Pregnancy comes with many indignities that seem to pile up atop one another. First it's the puking and the nausea, then the uncontrollable gas that hits you with the walking farts in very inappropriate locations, and towards the end, many of us end up feeling as if there's a cauliflower of tissue popping out of our butt that just happens to itch and bleed occasionally. What in did we do to deserve that nonsense? Nothing but try to build a human from scratch. Ugh. However, I've found there are at least some pregnancy hemorrhoid memes that absolutely encapsulate what it is like to suffer so, and maybe take the edge off with a spell of laughter. Just don't laugh too hard. It'll only exacerbate the problem.
When you first noticed your hemorrhoids, you probably swore a bunch, railed at the universe, got slightly grossed out, and maybe tried (and failed thanks to your belly situation) to look at them in the mirror. What you likely didn't do was share your problem with all your friends over tea just so you could laugh about it. Unless you're friends with me — always tell me stuff like that, I will laugh for you when you can't. (Also at you, but just a little.) And that's why I'm making this list of pregnancy hemorrhoid memes. Because you need a little pick me up — and not just around the poop chute, but that would also be helpful. So sit back on your donut, try to relax, and laugh with me.
1. This Would Feel Great Right About Now
I don't know what's in that spray, but it looks cold and relieving. Just have someone spray it a little to the side. And a little underneath. Oh sweet lord would that feel good.
One of the worst symptoms is the burning and itching, and honestly, there are times you just want to shove ice cubes between your butt cheeks and squeeze. I may or may not have tried this. But don't be me. It's an incredibly messy situation, and when your partner catches you taking a bowl of ice to the loo, they ask questions.
2. I Feel This Meme So Deeply In My Bum
Oh holy hell does that fire feel real. I wouldn't be surprised if I could've actually light matches from my rectum at some point. Not even the aforementioned embarrassing ice situation helped at all when it was at its worst.
3. When You're Not Sure
Denial is the first step.
It doesn't last long, but the need to look and identify is pretty overwhelming. Pro tip: don't do this. It's not worth it. Get it checked out, but avert your gaze.
4. You Live Here Now
You live in Tookus City on the corner of What Now? and Dang It! The Early Bird Special is served at The Backyard Grill.
Honestly, it's hard to think about anything else when you're dealing with hemorrhoids, and it's doubly hard to consider eating anything when you know how it will come out later. Ouch.
5. Look Familiar?
Judging by the feel of your backdoor, this Malteaser cluster looks pretty much exactly the way it probably appears back there, but again, avoid this. It is scarring.
6. How Much Do They Really Need To Know?
I would honestly rather tell people that my vagina is leaking maple syrup because of an unfortunate sexual waffle incident than tell my coworkers that I have hemorrhoids. At least then they'd be too busy avoiding eye contact to give me pitying glances.
7. Every Time
Just wiping is a nightmare when you have such a booty issue. Will it make the itching worse? Will it burn? Will it look like you murdered a small animal between your butt cheeks? It could really go in any one of several directions.
8. That Was A Close One
When you know it's finally improving, the relief is immense, and I won't lie — you might cry from the utter joy of being able to go to the bathroom without screaming.
9. It Me
It's painful as heck, and going to the bathroom is a nightmare each and every time. Number one? Oh the burn. Number two? Let's not discuss that. It's for a darker time. It's not for here. This is for laughter.
10. This. All Of This.
The toilet is a torture device. A spiked chair soaked in rubbing alcohol and set aflame seems like a good comparison.