11 Common Relationship Expectations That Are Actually Unfair & Cause Needless Suffering
Having high expectations for your relationship is healthy up to a point. But when those beliefs become unrealistic, they do more harm than good. There are actually a number of common relationship expectations that are actually unfair and will ultimately lead to grief for everyone involved.
With the steady stream of romantic movies and shows being thrown at people, it's understandable if they judge their own partnerships by these unreachable standards. After all, Psychology Today referenced several studies that have found that the media gives people skewed ideas about love, sex, and the role they play in relationships. And although you may think you know the difference between fantasy and reality, those conceptions can easily creep into your mind and transform your thoughts. Expecting your partner to be perfect at all times and adore you endlessly is unfair to everyone, though, and bound to end in disappointment.
Unfortunately, a real, healthy relationship, even when faced with obstacles, would make for lousy entertainment. I mean, would you tune into a TV episode where the couple analyzed their bank accounts? But the sense of love and security you can get from a healthy real-world relationship is better than any fiction. Worried your falling victim to the Rom-Com trap? Here are a few common, but unrealistic, expectations you may have about relationships.
1. You'll Never Argue
Two people will disagree about something, eventually. According to A Million Matches, if a couple never disagrees about anything, then one person is not getting needs met. Additionally, it signifies a lack of communication.
2. You Will Be Endlessly Happy Together
This is not reality. Your relationship will have ups and downs, just like everything else in life.
3. You Will Both Be Attractive All The Time
There will come a day when your partner appears less than sexy. Sure, you still love them. But when a person is dealing with the stomach flu or a severe cold, you're going to see them under less than ideal conditions. The sex appeal will be put on hold until they're on the mend.
4. Your Love Will Last Forever
Wanting a relationship to last forever is not necessarily a bad thing. But even short-lived relationships can be meaningful and instructive, too. Sometimes parting ways is the right decision for you, and that can be healthy.
5. You Will Receive Total Adoration
Do you want to be the most beautiful, sexy, and amazing person your partner has ever met? Do you want constant reassurance of this fact? It may not be the healthiest approach. Expecting total adoration from your partner is pretty unhealthy, according to the website for Psychology Today. It also may signify that you aren't over issues from a previous relationship, which could lead to disaster.
6. Your Flaws Will Be Ignored
No one is perfect, and sometimes your partner has a better look at your flaws than anyone else. They're going to notice your habit of paying bills late, or procrastinating for days. You both have to accept that neither person is perfect.
7. Your Relationship Will Be Easy
For the most part, strong partnerships don't happen by accident. Lasting relationships take take hard work and improvements from both partners, according to Live Science. A love that endures requires conscious decisions and dedication.
8. You Should Be Together 24 / 7
Sure, in the beginning phases of a relationship you want to spend every moment together. Over time, though, that intensity fades. Spending time apart help you avoid stupid fights, chill out, and remember your own identity, according to Your Tango. You have to be apart to miss one another.
9. Your Partner Will Know What's On Your Mind
Do you expect your S.O, to know when something is wrong, without being told? Give them a break. Expecting your partner to know what's wrong causes anxiety and hurt, according to PsychCentral. Even when it feels obvious, clearly communicating your feelings is important.
10. You Can Change Your Partner
Sure, you and your SO can compromise on small behaviors, such as who does the dishes next. But trying to change major things about your partner will not end well, according to HuffPo. This included religious beliefs, desire for children, or hobbies, which you should accept going into the relationship.
11. You Should Experience Passion All The Time
In fantasies, you're ready to go at your partner any time, any place. In the real world, though sexual desire and frequency tend to decrease over the span of a relationship, according to the website for Psychology Today. Keeping things steamy takes conscious effort.