When most of us imagine the holidays with a newborn, there are lots of sparkly lights, cozy cuddles by the Christmas tree, and counting your blessings every four minutes for the new bundle that has arrived this season. But in actuality, real life as a new mom doesn't always line up with that vision. If your first holidays as a new mom are shaping up to be a little lumpy, you're not alone, and we have these new moms of Twitter to thank for reminding us of that with these hilarious holiday tweets for new moms.
Reality as a new mom, in fact, looks more like this: wondering why you're buying presents for a baby who has no idea what's going on, breastfeeding several times late at night and in the early morning while reluctantly filling stockings, and melting into an emotional puddle at yet another Lifetime movie. Whether you're pumping during a power outage or scrambling to replace the holiday pajamas that are way too small for your unexpectedly giant newborn, rest assured you are in good company.
And while Twitter can be a source of stress for many, these new moms are hilariously using the platform to take the edge off with their totally candid and hilarious tweets that sum up the holidays as a new mom. Read 'em and weep — with laughter.
1. Dumb Ideas
Holidays sometimes make us believe we're superhuman, attempting feats that will inevitably end in a total meltdown, either by mom or baby.
2. Lazy Mama
The benefit of having a child too young to have expectations on Christmas is that you have one more year of not trying to impress an opinionated person who is approximately two to three decades younger than you.
3. Unwanted Opinions
Let no man or woman stand in the way of a new mom and her perfect first family Christmas card, am I right?
4. Emotional Rollercoaster
Those Lifetime movies can reduce anyone to a pile of mush, but a new mom? Watch out.
5. Thoughtful Gifts
When you're a new mom, you have a while new list of (lowered) expectations. Your tally of consecutive sleeping hours ranks high on that list, and anytime your newborn let's you "sleep in" is the most priceless gift to a new mom.
5. Breastfeeding Bonus
If you're feeling overwhelmed this holiday season, take a moment to consider the benefits of being up at all hours of the night like this mom. Use your waking hours to sneak around the house and get some sh*t done.
6. Christmas Wish
Before you were a new mom, you probably hoped for some kind of fancy accessory or beauty product. One you have a baby, your priorities change and your wish list is probably now filled with chocolate, naps, wine and for those desperate times, whiskey.
7. Power Outage
Talk about the resourcefulness of a new mom! Power outage? No problem! Just go pump in the car to make sure baby gets fed!
8. Survival Of The Fittest
Is this a thing? Maybe it's time to invest in some newborn sized noise canceling headphones...
9. Milk for Santa
Are you kidding? That's like better than any local, organic, free-range milk you could buy at any store.
10. Christmas Grinch
Breastfeeding mamas can totally relate to this tweet. Breasts seem to grow and shrink at least three sizes between feedings. But I think it's safe to say that a new mom's heart also grows at least three sizes when a new baby enters her life.
11. DIY Christmas Sweater
Postpartum moms know that the hair loss is real. While this sounds kind of gross, it's also so spot on.
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