11 Pieces Of Outdated Dating Advice To Ignore, According To The Experts
Dating can be a tricky business, no one will argue with that. Although it can be tempting to say, "Who needs this?" and scrap it altogether, dating is an important part of life for many people. Unfortunately, it seem like there is a long list of rules and guidelines that you should listen to one minute, and ignore the next. The dating tips you've likely heard over the years, either before you started dating or more recently, can change from time to time and from person to person. There are some pieces of outdated dating advice to ignore entirely, however, because they just don't make sense anymore.
From waiting three days to call after a date to to expecting your date to pick up the tab for everything, there are many pieces of dating advice that really aren't relevant now. Dating has changed, thanks to online and app-based dating becoming more mainstream, and much of what was considered common-place for older relatives — or even older friends — just might not work for you. Although dating itself can be difficult, listening to the following outdated pieces of dating advice can make it even more so. Date smarter, don't make it any harder than it already is.
1. Let Your Date Come To You
I totally get it. Approaching someone and putting yourself out there can be scary. If you wait around, however, you might find yourself waiting forever. "Making a move will show that a woman has confidence, thus making her more desirable," April Davis, dating expert and CEO of LUMA, a luxury matchmaking service, says in an email exchange with Romper. "We live in a day and age where if you want something to happen, you better make it happen."
2. Wait Three Days Before Calling
Sometimes, waiting between calls or texts can really test your patience. Luckily, according to dating experts, it's a piece of advice you shouldn't consider anymore. "Send a text or PM the next day if you want," Lianna Tsangarides, a licensed clinical social worker, says in an e-mail to Romper. "Let someone know if you are interested or if you aren't." No need to hold off until you've hit an arbitrary milestone.
3. Don't Talk About Your Kids
Single parents have long been advised to hold off chatting about their kiddos until the relationship is more serious, but it's really not necessary. "Kids are not a deal-breaker," Nora Dekeyser, matchmaker at Three Day Rule, tells Romper. Present them as the blessing they are and move on. They're part of who you are, after all.
4. Let Your Date Order For You
Although it's nice to have someone order your food for you sometimes, licensed marriage and family therapist Melissa Divaris Thompson tells Romper that there's no real need for your date to place your order. Who knows what you'd like to eat or drink better than you do? Don't just deal with whatever is ordered for you. Order for yourself.
5. Expect Your Date To Foot The Bill
Again, it's nice to have your date pay for dinner, drinks, or whatever activity in which you're partaking, but there's no need to expect it. You can totally offer to pay (and then actually do so if your date agrees) or split the bill. "You're a millennial woman," Tsangarides says. "Today both men and women work and picking up the tab can be shared in dating relationships."
6. You Have To Settle After A Certain Point
People used to say that you shouldn't be so picky because then you'll never find the right partner. That is not so great advice. "People in the dating world need to be picky," Thompson says. "It means they hold themselves with high regard. As long as you know you aren’t being unrealistic, then being choosy is important."
7. Sex On The Third Date — Not Earlier Or Later
There's absolutely no need to wait or rush things just because of some so-called rule. "Sex is a decision to make when it feels right for you, not based on a dating rule or cultural norm," Tsangarides says . "It might be the first date, third date, or third month. When you are ready you know." Dekeyser agrees and suggests that, if you aren't ready, just tell your date you aren't willing to go there yet. Just remember you're under no obligation — rule or no rule.
8. Play Hard To Get
Thompson says that playing hard to get isn't really good advice anymore. Rather, be upfront with the person you're dating, within reason. Tell them how much you like them, but don't overwhelm them.
9. Hide That You Met Online
Dekeyser says that she sometimes comes across people who feel uneasy about having met through a dating app or online. But she says there's no need to be ashamed. What matters most is the two of you and your connection, not how it began.
10. Don't Laugh Too Loudly On A Date
Laughing too loud is something that daters have been warned against for a long time, but it's kind of silly if you think about it. How much control do you have, really, over the volume of your laugh? According to Thompson, you shouldn't worry about laughing too loudly on a date. That advice is outdated.
11. Don't Talk About Yourself
According to Thompson, sharing important things about yourself on dates is important. Of course, asking thoughtful questions of your date is important, as well, but it's a date, not an interview. Be yourself and tell them who you are. A very big part of dating is really getting to know the other person. Don't disregard that.