Relationships are difficult. Whether they're of a romantic nature or not, all relationships ebb and flow. And sometimes, they need to come to an end. Acknowledging that a relationship has petered out (or has dramatically hit its expiration date) can be confusing, upsetting, and sad. It can be emotional and nostalgic. It can be full of "if onlys" and "what could have beens." It's often challenging to bring yourself to see that a relationship is ending, but there are often preceding signs that you and your partner aren't in love anymore that you just didn't notice them right away.
Although ending a relationship will likely be an emotionally draining process, sometimes the subtle slipping away of what you used to have makes it even harder than if you just had an explosive fight or obviously endpoint. It's also difficult if you've built a life with that person, as intertwined lives can be hard to untangle. It can also be difficult to suss out whether you and your partner truly aren't in love anymore or if your relationship is just struggling for now.
You don't want to end something that isn't really over, and while the signs that you may no longer be in love can also simply be signs of a rough patch, it's worth reflecting deeply on them to try to determine if the relationship has really ended. Relationships are difficult to end, but if you and your partner aren't in love any more — as evident by the following signs — it might ultimately be worth all the heartache.
1. You Ask Yourself If You're In Love
This is perhaps the most obvious sign that you and your partner may not be in love anymore. According to a blog post that psychologist Dr. Sherrie Campbell penned for The Huffington Post, if you have to ask yourself if you're in love, then you probably aren't. But, as Campbell also noted, that doesn't mean that there isn't love present in the relationship. If you reach this point and decide that the relationship really is over, that love that still exists within the relationship (even if you're not in love anymore) can make things all that much more difficult.
2. You See Intimacy As A Chore
It's completely normal for couples to go through periods where they can't keep their hands off of each other followed by intermittent periods when intimacy isn't a priority. Not to mention every couple is different, so if you and your partner are rarely intimate, that doesn't necessarily mean something's wrong if you don't think there's anything wrong. All of that aside, if sex, kissing, flirting, and other forms of intimacy feel like a chore, it could be a sign that things aren't right in the relationship, according to YourTango.
3. You Communicate Through Small Talk
Established relationships can feel comfortable and somewhat routine at times, but communication is still (and maybe even more so) important. According to Bolde, if talk about your job, friends, family, hobbies, and life has faded away, it might be a sign that you and your partner aren't in love anymore.
4. You're Unwilling To Compromise
Compromise is important in just about every relationship, romantic or otherwise. When your feelings about things so strongly outweigh any sort of desire to reach a compromise with your partner, that's a problem. As Jean Fitzpatrick, a marriage counselor psychotherapist, and Dr. Terri Orbuch, author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great, told BuzzFeed, refusal to compromise could mean that your relationship isn't as healthy as you maybe thought.
5. You Stop Planning For A Joint Future
Conversations about your future together are not only fun, but they're also really important. It let's you know that you're both on the same page, or where you disagree. If you start thinking about your future as independent from your partner's, it might mean that the love just isn't there anymore, according to the aforementioned article from Bolde.
6. You Start To Fib
Little white lies aren't always hurtful or the worst thing in the world. After all, who wants to know ahead of time about a surprise party, for instance. But, as reported by Glamour, if you start to tell needless lies about what you're doing or where you're going, that's not a good sign.
7. Your Interactions Are Emotionally Draining
Not every moment in every relationship can be a highlight, but your relationship shouldn't leave you constantly feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. Things shouldn't always feel forced. According to the aforementioned article from Bolde, this could be a sign that the two of you aren't in love anymore.
8. You Don't Miss Them When They're Gone
When you're in love with someone, generally speaking, you should miss them when they're not around. Now, you shouldn't mis your partner every second that they're gone. But if the only times that you really think about your partner is when you're with them or in communication with them, that could be a sign that the relationship is in trouble, according to the previously mentioned Glamour article.
9. You Start Making More Plans Without Them
It's OK and perfectly healthy to have interests, friends, and plans that don't involve your partner. But if you're seeking out plans without them to avoid one-on-one time, Campbell noted that you might not be in love anymore.
10. You Nitpick And Nag
Notice yourself picking at your partner over little things or constantly nagging them to do something? According to the aforementioned Bolde article, focusing on your partner's flaws, letting yourself become worked up over every little thing they do, and vocalizing these annoyances might mean that you're not really in love with your partner anymore. It could, however, also mean that something else is wrong. Either way, it's probably not a sign of a super strong, healthy relationship.
11. You Don't Feel Comfortable Saying Or Hearing "I Love You"
Maybe this sounds obvious, but if you feel uncomfortable whenever your partner says "I love you," or you feel like you just can't say it to them, it could mean that the love between the two of you is no more. As Fitzpatrick and Orbuch told BuzzFeed, ultimately, it could be a sign that it's time to end the relationship.