No matter how perfect a relationship may seem on the surface, there may come a time where things get a little rocky. For most, the ability to move past the bad and live a healthy life together is seamless. For others though, the rough patch could produce telltale signs your partner is manipulative.
I can speak from personal experience, as I dealt with a manipulative boyfriend in college. He would constantly lie to me and turn the tables on me when I confronted him about it. He accused me of cheating on him with every male friend I had, and would even show up to my apartment unannounced with attempts to catch me in the act. Every time he did that or made me feel bad for things that had nothing to do with me, I tried to brush it off as just me overthinking or being insecure. It got to a point where I was convinced that there was something I did to make him to act that way. Once we hit our roughest patch in the relationship though, I realized that he was manipulating me to do everything he wanted me to do and act the way he wanted me to act for his own benefit.
Although it took me a little time to realize what he was doing to me, these 11 signs can help you take notice a little sooner.
1. You Always Feel Guilty, Even When You Didn't Do Anything
According to HuffPost, a manipulative person will make you feel guilty even when you haven't done anything wrong. Everyone is wrong sometimes, but if your partner always makes you take responsibility for it, they are definitely manipulating you.
2. They Have Double Standards
Cosmopolitan noted that a partner who has double standards in the relationship is a manipulator. If they tend to set rules for you or the relationship, but never comes through on their end, this is something you should question.
3. They Display Negative Emotions
According to Psychology Today, manipulative people display negative emotions,s like voice raising. This is done to coerce others into giving them what they want.
4. They Make You Feel Bad About The Things You Love
Higher Perspective noted that manipulative people make you feel bad about the things you love. People with manipulative personalities will make their partners feel as if what they love is not important, and convince them to give it up. It's a ploy to gain control.
5. They Are Emotionally Distant Or Unavailable
The previously mentioned HuffPost article noted that constantly being emotionally distant or unavailable is a sign of manipulation. Everyone needs space at times, but if your partner is always pushing you away without reason, this could be destructive to your relationship and cause you to have insecurities.
6. They Prioritize Their Plans Over Yours
According to eHarmony, if your plans are always put on the back burner for what your partner wants, you may need to reconsider the relationship you have. Manipulators have a tendency to make everyone sway in the way of the things they like. So, if you're starting to notice this trend in your relationship, you should consider having a talk with your partner.
7. They Never Let You Forget What You've Done
Yahoo! noted that manipulative people will never let you forget what you've done. Even after they claim to forgive you, people with manipulative personalities will continue to bring the issue up in the future as a way to have power over you.
8. They Constantly Gaslight You
According to Psychology Today, gaslighting by your partner is a form of manipulation. Gaslighting, which is a tactic that will make you question your reality, is commonly used with abusers and dictators.
9. They Use Your Weaknesses Against You
The aforementioned Yahoo! article noted that manipulative people use your weaknesses against you. For example, if your spouse knows how embarrassed you feel when someone tells you to shut up, then they will do that in front of people.
10. They Pressure You To Make Decisions
As noted in the previously mentioned Psychology Today article, manipulators pressure you into making decisions. By doing this, it enables them to control you and get you to adhere to want they want.
11. They Expect To Hang Out With You All The Time
The aforementioned Cosmopolitan article noted that having a spouse that always wants to hang out with you should raise the red flag on manipulation. This is an effort for them to control you and keep you away from your friends.