11 Signs You're In A Toxic Friendship & Need To Get Out STAT

Ad failed to load

It's fun to sit with your girls and debate over who's the Carrie, Charlotte, and Samantha in your group. But if you find yourselves labeling each other Regina or Blair , there might be a bigger problem than who has the best headband game. Friendship should be a source of happiness and support, but unfortunately that's not always the case. Sometimes you may find yourself in a toxic friendship — a relationship that brings about more stress, sadness, and other negative emotions as opposed to the positive ones. And when you realize that's the case, it's time to break away as fast as possible before you cause yourself any more emotional damage.

That doesn't mean that every time you and your BFF get in a fight it's time to call it quits. Every friendship will be filled with minor disagreements, small spats, and even one or two major blowouts. But at the end of the day, a good friend cares for you and wants what's best for you, no matter what. A toxic friend, on the other hand, cares more about herself and getting what she wants, and it doesn't matter to her if your happiness is a casualty along the way.

You may not realize you're part of a toxic friendship, especially at the beginning. A master manipulator can work her magic with such accuracy you'll never see the sleight of hand, leaving you feeling terrible about your friendship and not even understanding why. If you start to feel this way, be on the lookout for these warning signs that the friendship is toxic. And if you've determined that to be the case, make sure to find a way to cut her loose before things get worse.

Ad failed to load

1She's Too Co-Dependent

There's nothing wrong with a friend who calls you up crying after a tough breakup, or begs you to come with her to a work event so she won't have to make awkward conversation with her boss. But that neediness can cross a line and become overly dependent. Does she need you to weigh in on every decision she makes, including what she orders for brunch? Does she consider you her sole source of entertainment and never allow you a chance to make plans with other friends? Does she depend on you financially? If so, it may be time to cut this albatross loose.

2Everything Is Negative

Sometimes we all need to call our bestie and just bitch it out. But if she regularly plays the role of Negative Nancy, that energy is eventually going to rub off on you. It's tough to be around someone who is constantly complaining and still keep a positive attitude. If she's going through a tough time — she was fired, dumped, lost a parent — then you need to help her though the rough patch and out of the darkness. But if the fact that she's out of mayonnaise is cause for cursing the world? Maybe it's time to find a happier pal.

3She Gives You Backhanded Compliments

The backhanded compliment is manipulation at it's finest. Not only do they sting in the moment, but they could be a sign of an even greater manipulative agenda. She's trying to push herself up by bringing you down. And the worst part is, because the insult is disguised as a kind remark, you might not even fully understand how she got to you. And even if you do, how can you call her out on it? Nobody needs someone to put them down in the guise of being "nice".

Ad failed to load

4You Engage In Similar, Unkind Behavior

There's two ways this can happen. If your friend is rude to others, you might find yourself joining in as she puts down other people. Or, if she's constantly being mean to you, you may start engaging in similar behaviors in an attempt to get back at her. But here's the thing: you don't want to stoop to her level. Just like laughter is contagious, cruelty can be infectious. If you find yourself mirroring her worst qualities, things have definitely become toxic. 

5She's Inconsistent

You know that friend who's always making plans and canceling at the last minute? Or the one who's in your life every day and then out of nowhere totally ghosts on you? Nobody needs flaky, inconsistent friends who are always letting them down or bailing on them. You need someone you can rely on to be there for you, both emotionally and to physically be where they say they are going to be. 

6She Peer Pressures You

Wasn't peer pressure supposed to end in high school? Yes, it was, which is why if you have a friend who's constantly trying to get you to engage in bad behavior it's time to rethink things. You don't need to be around someone who pushes you to binge drink, smoke when you're not a smoker, or partake in any other kind of unhealthy or dangerous conduct that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Ad failed to load

7She's Always Digging At Your Self Esteem

A friend who puts you down is not a friend at all. Sure, there are times we all need to be told we're doing something wrong — whether it's wearing shoes that seriously don't match or treating our SO unfairly— but a true friend only points out these mistakes when she's worried you'll be hurt, embarrassed or regretful if she doesn't. A faux friend likes to point out all of your flaws, including flaws that don't actually exist, and is constantly shutting down your ideas and suggestions. There are enough people in the world who are going to tell you you're wrong. You don't need that from a "friend."

8She's Betrayed You

It's really difficult to build up trust again for someone who has betrayed you. Talking behind your back, throwing you under the bus, sleeping with your boyfriend, all of these actions are hard to get over. And even if you can forgive her, you have to constantly watch your back and check that she won't betray you again. When betrayal happens, take into account the magnitude of the wrong, if it was intentional or unintentional, and how much positive history you have in addition to this. Then weigh whether or not this friendship deserves another chance.

9She Only Talks About Herself

Is your friend a master monologuer? You know that girl who, whenever you get together, an hour passes before you can even get a word in edgewise? Everyone's entitled to a day of self-indulgence every now and again, but someone who talks solely about themselves with no regard for you or your life is not actually a friend. If you feel like more of a sounding board than a companion, it might be time to scat.

Ad failed to load

10She Doesn't Get Happy, She Gets Jealous

Frenemy may be a fun word, but it's not a fun relationship. Friends celebrate your successes, not envy them. The green-eyed monster really is a terrifying beast, and someone who is constantly jealous is never going to be able to really support you. If she isn't happy for you when you tell her about a promotion, engagement, or pregnancy, then she's not worth having around to be a part of your accomplishments.

11You Dread Seeing Her

The best thing about friends is that you get to choose them. Never allow yourself to feel stuck in a relationship you no longer want to be a part of. You should be excited to catch up with your buddies, not dread the prospect of sitting through a whole lunch with them. No matter what the reason is that you don't look forward to seeing her, the fact that you don't is a surefire sign it's time to cut ties. 

Images: Paramount PicturesGiphy (6); Wifflegif (5)

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

The Entire Family Can Enjoy These Movies & Shows Coming To Netflix In June

It's just one of those sad facts of life: every month, shows and movies vanish from Netflix, their varied excitements no longer at your fingertips. But luckily the streaming service is always prepared to fill that content void with lots of new things…
By Megan Walsh

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills