Sex is not the be all end all of a relationship, but it's hard to overcome a disappointing sex life, especially when you completely connect outside of the bedroom. It's not that sex should be phenomenal from the first time (though that would be nice), but a truly great connection between the sheets is, for many people, an important part of a relationship. In order to figure out if you and your partner are good, it's important to know the
signs you're sexually compatible with your significant other.
Cosmopolitan, there are some very telling signs if you're not sexually compatible with your partner. For instance, you can't agree on a position you both enjoy because you're strictly a girl-on-top and missionary person and your partner prefers doggy style. Other bad signs include constantly zoning out, never being horny at the same time, or avoiding spontaneous sex.
The good news, however, is that there are plenty of signs of great sexual compatibility. To figure out if you and your significant other are in sync in the bedroom, read on for the 11 signs that you're sexually compatible — and ready to score (if you know what I mean).
1 Your Sex Drives Match
One of the most important ways to determine if you and your partner have a good sexual compatibility is to figure out if your sex drives match.
"The single most common
reason couples come in for sex therapy is because of mismatched sex drives," Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and licensed psychotherapist, wrote in Lifehacker.
Typically, this means how frequently you and your partner desire sex. For instance, if you are a once-per-day person and your partner prefers sex once or twice a week, that could spell a problem. But if your desire for how frequently you have sex is fairly well matched, then you are sexually compatible.
2 You Have The Same Kissing Style
Kissing is how most sex typically starts and having the same
kissing style is important in determining sexual compatibility, according to Rooster. Although there are many different styles of kissing, most people stick to the one that feels natural to them. What's important in sexual compatibility is that your kissing styles match so that you form a certain synchronicity through mutual rhythm, pace, and oral wetness.
Additionally, according to a study by Oxford University published in the
Journal of Sexual Behavior, kissing actually helps people to subconsciously figure out a potential partner's long-term compatibility through taste and smell, since you pick up on biological cues for sexual compatibility, genetic fitness, and general health. 3 You Have An Immediate Spark
Although some people (cynics) have their doubts about "the
spark," it can help you determine if sex will get better after the initial rough path, according to Cheat Sheet. It's true that you won't know everything about your partner's body when you first start out in the bedroom, and visa versa, but having that initial spark is a good sign that you'll get there. 4 You Both Make Time For Sex
Sex doesn't have to be a chore if you both
make the conscious choice to prioritize it, according to Smart Parenting. If one of you isn't doing that, then you might have issues with your sexual compatibility. Keeping the sexual connection alive long-term is important, however, so it's crucial that you also agree about the place sex has in your daily lives. 5 You Enjoy Similar Sexual Behaviors
According to the aforementioned Lifehack article, if you both enjoy engaging in the same sexual behaviors, then you may be compatible. When it comes to sexual appetite, everyone falls on the spectrum that ranges from very vanilla to very kinky. The problem can present itself if one person is perfectly happy with missionary sex every single time while the other person can't get off without a blindfold and anal beads.
6 You Both Can Compromise And Try New Things
If you don't quite match up on the vanilla to kinky spectrum, it may be okay if both of you are willing to compromise and try new things, according to
Rooster. If your sexual compatibility isn't innate, it can still be something that you work towards. One reason that an open mind is key to compatibility, is that people who are more motivated to respond to their partner's needs report higher relationship satisfaction and feel more joy after making a sacrifice for their partner, according to a recent study published in Psychological Science. 7 You Are Great At Communicating
According to the aforementioned Cheat Sheet article, both of you need to be able to tell each other what you want and don't want. When it comes to sex, both of you need to communicate about what you enjoy during sex and how to tweak things so that they're even better.
8 You Know Each Other's Signs
What does it mean when your partner runs their hand sensually down your back at the end of dinner, or when you tap on their knee as you finish that last episode on Netflix? If you are attuned to each other's sexy signs, then you know exactly what each of you might be asking subtly, according to the aforementioned Smart Parenting article. Knowing each other's hints for when romance is in the air is an important part of sexual compatibility, because it helps to set the mood and push each other to spend more time together.
9 You Have Similar Relationships To Sex
Your relationship with sex (as in, how you view sex's purpose) is very important to your sexual compatibility with your partner, according to the aforementioned
Rooster article. Is sex for connecting with your partner? Is it simply good as stress relief at the end of a long day? And, most importantly, how important is it for the upkeep of your relationship? If you don't see eye-to-eye about the role that sex plays in your life, then you might have a problem. 10 You Both Put In The Effort
According to the aforementioned Cheat Sheet article, willingness to put in effort indicates compatibility. Amazing sex takes time and effort on both of your parts, and ensuring that you have a lasting love life (and long-lasting happiness in the bedroom) means continuing to put in the effort over time.
11 You Can Unleash Your "Carnal" Side
It might sound a bit silly, but being able to be yourself with your partner and fully unleash your sexual side is an important way to know if you are truly sexually compatible, according to the aforementioned Smart Parenting article. Whether your sexual side is totally frisky or not, feeling comfortable with your significant other (and them feeling comfortable around you) means that your sexual sides are totally in sync.