You are totally in love with your partner, but you have a feeling that your family doesn't feel the same way. They haven't exactly said as much, but there is something strange about the way they have been acting. You may be picking up subtle signs your family doesn't like your spouse.
It's a tale as old as time, but because we are in the 21st century, a family who disapproves of your spouse is typically a little more subtle than they would have been in Shakespearean times. But, you can almost always trust your intuition. If you think your family is unhappy with the person you are choosing to spend your life with, you are probably right.
It's tough to be in this situation because you may feel as though you have to choose between the family that you came from and the family you are creating. But, Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker wrote in Psych Central that you should not take a side. You should instead focus on reconstructing everyone's idea of family. You are in a relationship, you are happy, and this is what matters.
If you aren't quite sure how your family feels, check out some of the subtle signs that they may not really be into your spouse.
1. They Only Stop By When Your Spouse Is Not Home
You can tell that your family doesn't like our spouse if they only stop by when you are home alone. They love and want to spend time with you, but if they loved your significant other as well, they wouldn't only show up when your partner is not around.
2. The Leave As Soon As Your Spouse Arrives
When your spouse walks through the door, your family smiles politely and immediately says their goodbyes. You have to decide which is worse, having them stay and create an uncomfortable situation, or letting them leave and keep the peace in your home.
3. They 'Forget' To Include Your Spouse In Plans
Sometimes your family is forgetful, as in the time all the guys went fishing but no one bothered to ask your husband to join, or when you were invited to a lady's only baby shower but your aunt didn't remember to include your wife on the invitation. Other times they straight-up tell you that your spouse is not invited. Robin Abrahms of the Boston Globe advised, "if your family is discomfited because Spouse is of a different race or the same sex or has a disability, then make your loyalties clear: You won’t belong to any club that won’t have Spouse as a member."
4. They Talk Fondly About Your Former Flames
"Remember Steve? That boy you dated in the ninth grade? I heard he's a doctor now." Bringing up your former flames' current accomplishments is a passive-aggressive way cut down your current partner. This is also a way to try to make you wonder if you made the right choice.
5. They Still Keep In Touch With Your Ex
It's no fun to see a Facebook notification letting you know that your mom "liked" a photo of your ex showing off six-pack abs at the beach, but even worse to hear they've been texting or meeting for coffee. This is especially true if your mom hasn't made the effort to hang out with your current spouse. Lisa Marie Wilson wrote in Huffington Post that her own family chose her ex over her after their separation.
6. They Say Your Kids Are 'Just Like' Your Spouse
You will know what your parents think of your marriage if they compare your children to your spouse only when they are being unruly. Otherwise the kids came out just like your side of the family.
7. They Still Talk About People That Would Be 'Perfect For You'
If your dad keeps trying to set you up with someone from the office, or your mom doesn't stop talking about Edith's son who is "such a catch" even after you're engaged, there is a pretty good chance they don't approve of your soon-to-be spouse. Make sure to nip that in the bud before you tie the knot.
8. They Are Passive Aggressive Toward Your Spouse
They talk about how hard you work. They do this to imply that because you're the main breadwinner, your spouse must be lazy. They will mention how smart your are when they know your spouse didn't go to college. Dr. Hartwell-Walker told Psych Central that if you're happy with your arrangement you should "tell your parents in no uncertain terms to get over it." she also recommends that if they bring it up again, you should remind them that it’s their issue, not yours, and then change the subject.
9. Nothing Your Spouse Does Is Considered Praise-Worthy
Your spouse graduated with a Master's degree? Oh.
Your spouse just got a promotion? How much does it pay? That little, huh?
Your spouse is the Commander In Chief: Another Democrat.
10. They Ignore Your Spouse At Functions
Is your partner the wallflower at family parties? Don't be surprised if you start having to come to events alone. No one likes to be ignored. If your family isn't willing to pay attention to your spouse, make sure that you do.
11. The Don't Value The Time You Spend With Your Spouse's Family
Your family expects you to attend every holiday with them. When you tell them that you have plans to spend the holiday with your spouse's family, they clearly get upset. Not respecting the time you spend with your in-laws is a sign they don't respect your spouse either.