Chances are, most everyone enters a relationship with the best of intentions. You want to impress the other person and establish a trusting bond over time. But the surprising bad habits that make conflict in your relationships inevitable can undermine your goals along the way.
Sometimes your ideas of dedication can backfire. For instance, spending too much time with your partner and ignoring the other people in your life can harm the relationship. You put too much pressure on one person to meet all your needs. After all, you can't miss one another if you're never apart.
On the other hand, you and your partner may have unrealistic expectations of one another. If you're always finding fault with each other, and picking at weak spots, then the relationship will suffer. After all, who wants to spend time around a person who drags you down? No, thank you.
But if you are aware of these habits, then you're less inclined to fall back on them. By communicating well, and giving one another some breathing room, you can make your relationship more or less conflict-free. After all, your partner should be your shelter, not another source of strife. Read on to learn what not to do in your relationship.
1. You Do Everything Together
Sure, there are a few couples who can be attached at the hip all day, every day, without any trouble. For most people, though, a little breathing room is necessary. According to The Huffington Post, maintaining your own interests outside the relationship is crucial for most adults to feel happy. So don't abandon all your hobbies and independent pursuits once you're in a relationship. Keep going to that Jazzercise class if it makes you happy.
2. You Avoid All Conflict
If you never, ever fight, isn't that the sign of a perfect relationship? Eh, no. According to Greatist, if you never argue, you don't know how to make compromises about things that are bothering you. This isn't to say you must have a huge blowup every time you disagree on Netflix viewing choices, just that some thoughtful discussion of your differences is healthy.
3. You Ditch Your Friends
When you're caught up in a new relationship, it's normal to spend tons of time with your love interest. But as noted in the website for Glamour, maintaining your friendships can stave off loneliness in the long run. Plus, it's healthy to refrain from making your SO the sole object of your social life. That's too much pressure for one person.
4. You Takes Jokes Too Far
In a healthy relationship, couples can keep up flirty banter with one another. But in a more rocky relationship, you might resort to saying terrible things about one another under the guise of humor. At some point, it's just trash-talking, not joking.
5. You Make Assumptions
Are you and your partner on the same page when it comes to exclusivity, or the relationship's level of commitment? It's easy to assume your partner will want the same things out of the relationship, but this may not be the case. It's unfair for one person to believe a summer fling has real staying potential, so it's best to have these (sometimes awkward) conversations from the start.
6. You Relive Past Relationships
Repeating the same mistakes in a new relationship will make you feel even lousier. As explained on Your Tango, coming to terms with your past is the best way to prevent future relationship meltdowns. For what it's worth, this level of honesty with yourself will, in all likelihood, lead to more quality relationships in the future.
7. You Take One Another For Granted
No one means to take the other person for granted. But after a significant amount of time in any relationship, it's easy to grow accustomed to your partner. Take a moment to look at the relationship with fresh eyes, and appreciate all that your significant other does for you.
8. You Focus]s On The Negative
It's easy to zoom in on your partner's flaws, thinking that if those were fixed, your SO would indeed be the perfect person for you. But as noted on Healthy Net, if you can stop the cycle of negativity, and instead focus on appreciating one another, your relationship will flourish. It may feel a bit weird at first, or even disingenuous. But there's something about hearing your partner acknowledge your efforts that's grounding and reassuring.
9. You Drop Communication
At some point, you can almost guess your partner's word-for-word response to any question. But even once you know this person inside and out, it's still crucial to keep talking. There's still a lot of surprises left to discover.
10. You Skip Self-Care
Putting your partner first in all things may feel like a selfless move, but it can have the opposite effect. As noted on Good Therapy, practicing self-care can help ensure your own needs are met while also keeping your partner happy. This could mean anything from a walk in the park to an evening out with your best friends. Doing what makes you feel fulfilled is the important part.
11. You Keep Secrets
OK, so some secrets aren't terrible. Maybe you never tell your partner what you for real think about their driving skills. But on the other hand, keeping secrets about finances or a betrayal may sink the relationship. It's better to come clean if you're having money trouble, for instance, even if the sight of your credit card makes you queasy.