Unsolicited advice is a very unfortunate side effect of having children. Sometimes a little extra input is good and welcomed and perfectly harmless, but there's also a lot of advice and unnecessary comments that could go without being said. We all want to feel validated in our parenting decisions, but there are some
things no grown-ass woman should say about someone else's kid. It doesn't matter if you are questioning someone's parenting style, feeling a little unsure of your own, or you're simply exhausted and unable to properly screw on your filter; there are some things that just aren't to be said, especially about someone else's child.
It's no secret that
parenting is a tough job, so it's understandable that your friends, family, and perfect strangers might feel like they're helping you out by offering their advice. It can be understandable that you, too, would like to offer a helping hand to a mother that you think may be struggling. Honestly, it's nice to feel like you're on a team and we're all in this thing called parenthood together, because it can be challenging, to say the least.
But then again, there are those among us that only add to the struggle. It's important to realize that not everything that others have to say about your parenting or your kids is going to give you all the warm and fuzzy feelings of solidarity, and not
everything you feel you have to say to a mother about her child, is going to benefit her in some way. So, with that in mind, here are a few things no grown-ass woman would ever say about someone else's kid. Honestly, sometimes silence really and truly, is golden. "Are They Getting Enough To Eat? They Look Starved."
If someone is
actually concerned with your child's health and well-being, they will find another way to address their concern that doesn't include the implication that you're starving your kid. Kids come in many varying shapes and sizes, and they grow at different rates. Just because a child might seem a bit leaner, that doesn't necessarily mean that their nutrition is lacking. "Do They Act Out Like This All The Time?"
Kids will be kids. Sometimes, this means erratic emotions and public tantrums spawned by seemingly insignificant events. There is not a single parent on this planet that has pulled off raising the perfect, tantrum-free toddler, so if your kid is acting out because their "juice isn't juicy enough," it's because they're a kid, and kids are emotionally unstable. Also, there's probably a good chance that, no, the kid isn't constantly in shambles, and putting a judgmental spotlight on a singular moment is unfair to every parent that's trying their best.
Commenting on a another person's child that is acting out isn't helping the situation at all. If anything, it's causing that child's mother to daydream about punching people in the throat while simultaneously seconding guessing herself and her abilities.
"You're Letting Them Call The Shots"
There are a million different ways to raise a good kid. Whether you prefer
gentle parenting or attachment parenting or authoritative parenting; whatever you feel is best for you and your child is exactly what you should do, and you shouldn't allow the underhanded remarks of another parent get you down. Kids go through so many stages as they grow up. One of those stages includes practicing their own authority, learning what buttons they can and cannot push, and figuring out which lines they can and cannot cross. It's not a super fun stage for any parent, and having to defend your skills as a mother to someone that somehow assumes their intrusive comments are helpful only makes it more difficult.
Of course, the other end of that coin is the humbling realization that your way of parenting, isn't the only way of parenting. Whatever works for you may not necessarily work for another parent.
"Aw, They're Just Big Boned"
You guys, why does anyone think this is okay to say to
anyone? This is just a passive aggressive way of telling someone "Hey, your kid is fat." That's obviously not an appropriate remark about the physique of a child (or anyone for that matter). This comment can be especially damaging to a child if they're old enough to understand that someone is insulting their body, and there's a good chance that they'll grow up picking themselves apart no matter how smart, beautiful, kind, or talented they are, because they were told from an early age that there was something wrong with their body. This is not OK. "She'll Grow Into Her Ears One Day"
Again, let's save children from the emotional trauma of being devalued by their physical appearance.
"They Are Out Of Control"
Is this meant to be encouraging or helpful? There's a pretty good chance that if someone's kid it out of control, they're well aware of it and narrating a meltdown isn't exactly aiding in the combating of said tantrum. If a kid is losing their cool, it's best to not fuel the fire by judging their parent for their inability to control their child's ever-changing emotions. Honestly, it's not even possible to control another human's emotions, especially a child.
"Someone Is Spoiled!"
The act of "spoiling" a child means different things to different people. Just because a kid is happy and content, while also somehow displeased with the placement of their chicken nuggets, doesn't mean that they're spoiled. And so what if they are? What another parent feels is the best way to take care of their child is up to them. Some might consider it "spoiling," and another might consider it perfectly normal. Either way, it's not something that is really any of anyone's business.
Any Sort Of Yelling At Someone Else's Kid
Of course, our kids need to be held accountable for their occasionally indecent behavior, but there is definitely a line that needs to be drawn before someone takes it upon themselves to parent and/or discipline another person's kid. Some parents are fine with yelling (it happens, like,
a lot), but other parents might have alternative methods of addressing their discrepancies with their child's behavior. Yelling at another person's kid (unless, agreed upon ahead of time by two moms that also happen to be best friends and are totally cool with parenting one another's kids) just isn't something that's ever a good idea. "It Seems Like They Aren't Getting Enough Attention"
This is a passive aggressive way of saying, "Your kid is acting out and I'm blaming you for neglecting them," which isn't an okay thing to say to another mom that is likely giving her all to her maternal duties. It poses the potential of making a mother feel like she's not doing enough for her kids. How about kids occasionally (basically always) crave the spot light and the fact that they're doing something that they feel merits the undivided attention of the public is not in any way a reflection of their parent's ability to contain them? It's pretty standard psychology, and it doesn't mean that a proper parental influence is somehow lacking. Come on, guys. This is super judgmental and awful, but it wouldn't be on this list if it hadn't been unfairly presumed by someone at some point, which means that it's said enough to deserve being addressed.
"Looks Like They Got Their Temper From Their Parent, Huh?"
What's the easiest way to piss off a calm person? Ask them if they're OK a million times or refer to their "temper" as something that needs to be addressed. Pretty sure that no one enjoys being a hot head, so implying to someone that their child gets their short fuse from their parent is a quick and easy route to making steam come out of their ears. Something that
doesn't make a temper better: acknowledging the presence of the temper. "That One Is Going To Be Trouble"
Some people might feel like this is an okay or cute thing to say about a free-spirited or strong-willed child, but it's really not. Telling a parent that their child is going to be "trouble," is more likely to make them question their abilities as a parent than it is to make them smile in adoration at their future rebel.
Parents are stressed out enough as it is, without adding the judgment and presumptions of others on top of their already burdened shoulders. This can all be easily avoided if we would just think before we speak.