Oh, the female orgasm: few things are so often thought about and so often misunderstood. Although the physical side of orgasm is clearly important, it's impossible to overlook the importance of a woman's state of mind when she's trying to climax. In fact, the thoughts that might be keeping you from having a better orgasm probably need to be banished from your brain immediately.
In order to orgasm, you need to be able to fully focus on the sensations of sex as they occur. But when you're overloaded with a thousand different things to do each day, it isn't always easy to make your brain shut off long enough to fully enjoy what's going on. Even when your body is in the bedroom, your brain may be a million miles away, fussing over tax returns and other not-sexy things.
And, on a more depressing note, your own negative body hang-ups could get in the way of your pleasure. Worrying about looking foolish in bed or whether your partner thinks highly of your body, can zap all of the joy out of sex. Feeling unsexy can lead to a sex life that's less than fulfilling: it's a nasty cycle.
Fortunately, you can become more aware of these intrusive thoughts and learn to kick them out of your brain when it's time to get down to business. This may be easier said than done. But in the meantime, you can practice, practice, practice until these intrusive thoughts leave you and your partner in peace.
1. "Did I Pay The Cable Bill?"
It's common for many people to experience a wandering mind during sex. But if you absolutely cannot focus on the task at hand, then your odds of achieving an orgasm are pretty low. As explained in the Huffington Post, making an effort to keep your focus on sex may help your chances of achieving orgasm. At the very least, you can learn how to stay in sync with your body.
2. "My Belly Does Not Look OK Today."
Thoughts about body image issues are noxious any time of day, but they can be particularly disturbing when they interrupt your sex life. According to Psychology Today, women who have to combat internal criticism about their bodies tend to have more difficulty enjoying sex. To gain some perspective, there are plenty of body-positive quotes to help you reframe your ideas about beauty.
3. "My Expression Must Be Ridiculous."
A big part of enjoying sex and achieving orgasm is giving yourself permission to let go and enjoy the experience, even if you worry about making silly faces or noises. But according to Cosmopolitan, being uninhibited and giving in to the experience is a key factor in your own pleasure, as well as your partner's. Try to turn off your inner critic and get lost in the moment.
4. "This Is Taking Too Long."
Contrary to what many movies and TVs shows portray, most women do not walk around in a constant state of arousal, just seconds from orgasm at any moment. As explained by WebMD, it can take women around 20 minutes to reach orgasm. And putting pressure of yourself to get there faster will likely have the opposite effect.
5. "I'm Not Sure About My Partner."
The emotional side of sex can have a big impact on your physical responses. When a couple spends a lot of time arguing, it may be more difficult to enjoy sex and experience orgasm, as explained in Kinsey Confidential. Taking time to reassess your relationship out of the bedroom may make your bedroom activities even better.
6. "My Head Hurts."
Any kind of physical pain can distract from orgasm. According to Everyday Health, living with some chronic pain may make intimacy more difficult. If something hurts you to the point where you can't concentrate during sex, then a visit to the doctor may help you learn to manage it it better.
7. "It's Awfully Dry Down There."
Sex should not hurt, unless you're into that. So if there's a lot of painful friction going on, you probably aren't feeling that great about the experience. According to ASHA, using lubricants can improve your sex life immensely. It's almost impossible to have too much of a good thing in this case.
8. "I Feel Guilty."
Your family background, culture, and social circles can affect your attitudes about most anything, and unfortunately there is still plenty of shame about sexuality to go around. Women who have grown up in strict households where sex was perceived as bad or dirty may have difficulty enjoying themselves later on, as noted in Psych Alive. If it's a huge roadblock to romance, you may want to look into counseling.
9. "Fantasizing During Sex Is Weird."
Daydream away. As explained in Live Science, women who enjoyed erotic thoughts during intercourse tend to have more orgasms. You probably fantasize during solo time, so why not bring that same level of imagination to partnered sex?
10. "Guess I Just Can't Get There."
Thoughts can become your reality. As explained in Mind Body Green, women who believe they cannot orgasm may have that thought become a self-fulfilling prophesy. You can always keep trying out new experiences to see what you like.
11. "I Have To Get There Through PIV."
Think again. Trying out your partner's hand, tongue, or even a vibrator might help you break through to bliss, as explained in Psychology Today. There are plenty of paths to the orgasm.